Hockey Hunk: Winning to Grow

[Rarity]

Idea from musclelover1996, Anthony and Colton along with the premise all comes from him. I plan on stretching this one out a bit. Any criticism would be lovely, since I don't get any better unless someone says "BOO YOU STINK - and here's why!" Without further ado, on to the story~

Hockey Hunk: Winning to Grow

Anthony was one of those boys who started puberty early. Of course the other boys would then say "well that means you're going to be short when you get older" out of spite. Sadly for their young egos, they were proven wrong as Anthony grew to 6'2" by the age of 16. He was a star athlete in high school, mostly for hockey and football ? but loved hockey more so because it was a rougher and faster sport. The other jocks would say "well you still won't get into a good college or whatever" out of pure jealousy. Again, he proved them wrong by going to college on a free ride, majoring in Criminal Justice just for show so he could participate in college hockey. It was also for plan B, assuming that for whatever reason he didn't become a professional hockey player, he would fall back on being a police officer.

However, Anthony was not the smartest guy and prioritizing his training above all else surely didn't help his studies. He couldn't keep up with the class work and his training, not that Anthony needed any training. Luckily for him he found an adoring fan of his who looked like a smart guy, one willing to do anything for his favorite hockey player. Colton was his name, a 5'8" 140 average kind of guy with pale skin, though he was pretty cute when he took off his glasses, revealing he had stunning blue eyes. At first Anthony was using Colton merely as a means to successfully complete his courses, pretending to be a big ol' teddy bear to keep Colton happy. Soon, he found it easier and easier to act that way towards Colton until it finally clicked in Anthony's pea-sized brain. He actually liked showing his affections for Colton, er, just not in public since nobody knew he was gay.

It's pretty unbelievable that a 6'2" and 200 pound muscular man could wind up with a guy like Colton. Anthony was always on the front cover of his college's paper because he was just that good looking. Sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and he somehow managed to keep all his teeth in tact ? sparkling white. He was always tan from spending time on the beach with Colton a lot. Though the main reason he was there was so he could show off his chiseled body and 8 pack abs. He loved the attention, and Colton's understanding nature made it so it was never a problem. In the end, it's still pretty unbelievable.

"Listen up 2s, a 10 is talking." Anthony shouted, commandeering the attention of his teammates. Anthony was considered the center position for the team, though he was above average in every aspect relating to the game ? making him a dead ringer for even the highest caliber teams. Something that would come in handy when he moved on to professional hockey. "I noticed you have all been slacking, but that's ok. I'll just carry the entire team like I always do and you guys can just act as decoys for those idiots to chase around. Pass the puck to me if you get it. No exceptions. Oh and Jake, if you let those puny fuckers score even once I'm going to beat the shit out of you. Got it?"

"Yeah Anthony. . . I got it. . ." Jake meekly replied. Anthony was kind of a dick, but at the same time the fear of having to deal with Anthony actually motivated the entire team to play better. Anthony may not be smart; at least he knows how to deal with people.

"C'mon. No need to get violent. Jake tries his best." Marcus came to the defense of Jake rather quickly. Marcus was the star of the show until Anthony showed up, so it was nothing new. The rest of the team had nothing against Anthony; Marcus clearly did.

"Sooooorry, shit man. It's not my fault that Jake's not as good at me. If I could, I'd do all of your jobs." Anthony laughed, which forced half the team to laugh along with him. "Besides, it's just two more games until we get all straight wins. I wish you'd guys get better and stronger after each win like I do. Then it'd be easy to just breeze through the last games."

"And you do?" Marcus sighed, finding ways to provoke Anthony into doing something to piss off the rest of the team. "You look the same to me."

Anthony clenched his teeth behind closed lips. Anthony had a fascination with being huge, and as of late, he has hit a plateau. It's a touchy subject for him. "Yeah I do." Anthony finally blurted out as he flexed. "The bigger the win, the bigger I get. That's pretty easy to follow, right? But yeah, ball busting aside; just do your best out there, guys. Alright? "


The team members agreed, fist pumping as they yelled "RIGHT!" in unison.

"Whatever." Marcus snarled.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


Anthony may have been a jerk, but he was still a very dexterous player. He had his own dedicated fan section that took up at least half of the arena's seating. Even people who were rooting for the other team soon found themselves joining Anthony's fan base. Anthony was a one man demolition crew on ice skates; it's hard to not root for someone so impressive.

"O-1 O-1 O-1!" and "AN-THON-Y! AN-THON-Y!" was all that can be heard from the stands, drowning out whatever else the others were trying to cheer.

In response to his fan's adoration, Anthony took the puck and slid it around two of the opposing team's bulkiest players before bringing it back to his side. The fans still roared, perhaps even louder since they knew Anthony was just showing off while burning through the remaining time. All the way from across the ice, he slammed the puck, sending it gliding into the other team's net. It took the crowd and referee a few moments to realize that the puck had indeed went into the goal, in which they responded by jumping out of their seats. Another flawless win mostly thanks to Anthony.

Anthony was looking for just one person in the crowd, the cute nerd who was just gently clapping his hands and grinning. As far as he was concerned, Anthony just needed that one fan to make his day. He gave Colton a thumbs up before thrusting his muscular arms in the air as his team mates surrounded him. It may seem weird, but they genuinely liked the guy despite him being very cocky. Anthony just had a certain air about him that drew people to him.

After signing tons of autographs, jerseys, and other newly purchased merchandise ? Anthony retreated to the locker room to get a shower and get changed. The rest of the team was gone, which only left a few janitors and Colton inside the stadium. Despite winning, he started feeling really awful for some reason. It must have been written on his face, since Colton was alarmed as soon as Anthony entered the locker room.

"Anthony, what's wrong?!" Colton panicked, running up to his boyfriend and caressing Anthony's cheek. "You're burning up. Are you ok? You can't get sick with the last game of the season coming up. . ."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Anthony lied as he clenched his fists. "Ug, fuck! When did this uniform get so god damn tight?"

"Now that you mention it, it does look a bit tight. I never seen it your pads bulge out so much." Colton continued eyeing up Anthony, until it clicked. "Anthony. . . I think you're. . . Growing. . ."

"Shit like that doesn't happen." Anthony said through clenched his teeth. His body was on fire as his muscles pushed outward. The friction between his gear and skin was almost unbearable, especially the friction caused by his jockstrap. Loud grunts echoed throughout the empty locker room, along with the sound of Anthony pounding nearby lockers out of confusion.

Colton could see Anthony's tanned forearms, calves, and abs start to show as Anthony grew taller. Every time Anthony breathed his jersey and pant legs rose up a tiny bit more until his uniform was clinging to his body as if it were a second skin. The bottom half of his 8 pack abs were bulging outward, becoming thicker and wider as his torso expanded. His pecs ripped out of his jersey, leaving shredded remains of his shirt and pads dangling over his still growing shoulders. Anthony looked down and to his dismay, could not see past his pecs. Instead, he tried to look over to his arm, finding it difficult since his bulked up lats and delts were in the way. He started flexing, each time he flexed his arm seemed to grow a tiny bit more. More and more veins snaking to the surface as his biceps and triceps pushed outward from his arms. Anthony panted in delight, despite the pain he felt around his groin.

Anthony calmed down a bit now that the cool locker room air was easing his overheated body out of its frenzy. He cupped the front of his pants and moaned, his entire lower body was bulging out too. His quads destroyed his pants, leavening nothing but just the waistline of the pants in tact. His jockstrap stretched forward, the straps digging into the back of his legs and groin, barely containing his firm legs and new package. Anthony flexed his quads as hard as possible, forcing the jock strap to give way and release his package from confinement.

Anthony's removed the tattered remains of his uniform, exposing his tanned, smooth, and glistening skin to his boyfriend. He even had to remove his socks now that his feet tore through them. He started touching his chest and arms, feeling the new strength that filled them. Anthony may not have been the strongest man in the world, but he was surely close now that he stood at 6'8" with 320 pounds of ripped muscle.

"Aw it stopped." Anthony looked sad, but his frown quickly flipped upside down. "Hah, who gives a shit? Look at me, I'm MASSIVE! Go get the measuring tape from my locker."

"Anthony this is. . ." Colton gulped as he obeyed orders.

"Don't just stand there sweetcheeks, start measuring!" Anthony struck a pose, flexing both his biceps. Colton wrapped the tape around Anthony's bulging bicep and soon found himself caressing Anthony's arm. "You like 'em? You can worship them later. Now about their size, what does it say?"

"I-incredible! Your arms are 21 inches thick! I have to do your chest next." Colton was possibly more excited than Anthony at this point. He knew all of Anthony's stats, so seeing what became of his boyfriend made the situation even more arousing. "56 inches. . . From. . . 48 inches. . ."

Anthony bounced his pecs a few time and playfully shoved Colton's face into the center of them. Colton eagerly groped and licked whatever he could, the salty sweat somewhat quenching his desire for Anthony's body. Anthony kissed the top of Colton's head as he pulled him in for a bear hug. Colton took the opportunity to run his hands over Anthony's arms and shoulders, massive beyond belief for a man his age.

"Pretty awesome, right? I guess I really do get stronger after every time I win. I'm just that much of a badass." Anthony gave Colton a few quick pecks on his lips. He effortlessly held Colton with one hand as he used his other hand to probe around his crotch. "Now there's even more of me to love and more of me to use for making love. I bet you just don't know what to do with all of it."

"I don't." Colton smiled. "I was hoping you would know."

"I'm hungry. How 'bout you?" Anthony changed the subject, his stomach letting out a grumbling noise.

"I could eat." Colton replied as Anthony let him down.

"When you say eat, do you mean 'gobble down a big cock' or eat actual food? Because I wouldn't mind a blow job right about now." Anthony rustled Colton's messy brown hair.

"Food, Anthony, food." Colton laughed, giving Anthony's abs a playful tap.

"Then sex. I really want to see what this new cock can do."

"You drive a hard bargain, but I'll take it. Before we go out we should go find you something that fits. As much as I like seeing you naked, I don't think it's legal to be naked in public. You probably need a shower too, you're sweaty from top to bottom."

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that." Anthony dashed off for the showers, eager to take his new body out for a stroll. From the showers he yelled, "Raid the lockers for me to find something that fits!"

"Commit a crime? Suuuure." Colton sighed, but still followed Anthony's orders.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Click this link to Part 2, Hockey Hunk: Bigger is Better!

[musclelover1996]

Rarity,I couldn't be happier with this first installment. You brought my idea to life with your great details. Thank you for doing this. I can't wait for the next installment.


musclelover1996

[manlion]

Great job! Can't wait to read more! In fact, if you want an honest critique, I'll have to read the whole thing, since I don't know where your plot threads are going yet.

[Rarity]

Originally Posted by musclelover1996

Rarity,I couldn't be happier with this first installment. You brought my idea to life with your great details. Thank you for doing this. I can't wait for the next installment.

I hope to have it out in a week tops. I didn't start it yet, but I could probably finish it within an hour or two on Sunday. Typing is the easy part for me, but proofreading is just EEERRRRRRRR

Originally Posted by manlion

Great job! Can't wait to read more! In fact, if you want an honest critique, I'll have to read the whole thing, since I don't know where your plot threads are going yet.

Well I mostly meant for grammar's sake, because after rereading some of my stories I just sit there and go "What the what? :T" half the time. I try to read them out loud, but after a few sentences I stop because I can read them way faster if I don't read it out loud - which makes me miss the mistakes. My proofreading is like, at a 2nd grader's level. fo' srs

[nnnrg]

Feedback time. I'm not going to critique the way you form your sentences, nor how you break them up. That's part of your authorial voice, something that you are developing, and giving advice out of whatever fictional Strunk & White is supposed to apply to erotic muscle growth stories is ... well, not going there. You are doing great, keep up the writing.

I will, however, point out the typos and spelling errors, and suggest some alternate wording where it might make things more clear, or where a word choice is weaker than I think it should be.
Of course, you should take the latter with a grain, or block, of salt depending on whether or not it makes sense to you.

Spell-checking is good. Grammar-checking is better but isn't really automated intelligently yet. Here's what I noticed.

Luckily for him he founds an adoring fan => found an adoring fan. Looks like you were thinking in two tenses, or just made a typo.

he somehow managed to keep all his teeth in tact => all his teeth intact ... spell-check fails to find this.

His pecs ripped out of jersey, => you're missing the article here. It would either be ripped out of his jersey or ripped out of the jersey because otherwise you could be talking about the town in England or the short form of the name of the state in the USA.

over his still growing shoulders. => still-growing shoulders because 'still' modifies growing. Note, this is a complex sentence which is tremendous fun to diagram. This one is more of a notational style thing and it might be perfectly good as it sits, but I would still hyphenate it.

leaving shredded remaining of his shirt and pads => this is also complicated; there are several ways to put it. the shredded remains of or shreds remaining of would be most likely.

since his lats and delts new bulk was in the way => here we run into a major failing of modern English pedagogy: the inability to communicate how to form a possessive. You are not to blame here; your teachers failed you. The new bulk belongs to his lats and delts. Therefore, you need to indicate that. Without changing the way it's pronounced, you would put in the trailing possessive apostrophe, thus: his lats' and delts' new bulk but I would say the new bulk of his lats and delts instead, because stupid text editor assumptions will try to misinterpret the apostrophes.

Anthony rustled Colton's messy brown hair => This is a complete sentence and deserves a period of its own, after hair preferably.

Word choices. It's clear that you want to communicate that Anthony isn't a great student but that he IS a prodigy at physical things, athletics and growing muscle being the biggest ones. Except it's also clear by the way he speaks and acts that he's not actually stupid, just somewhat self-obsessed and really, really focussed on the athletic things. If I were telling this story I would look for wording to support this idea, but there are two specific places where the words you chose, worked at cross-purposes to what I thought was your intent, in my opinion.

until it finally clicked in Anthony's peasized brain. => The word pea-sized needs a hyphen to turn it into the compound adverb form. The choice of the word is a bit off-putting and clearly draws from vernacular use, which is normally derogatory. If it were Anthony ironically calling his own brain pea-sized in a first-person narration, that would work, because it would be obvious. But it's the omniscient third-person point of view. I have no recommendation for what to use instead; I'm just pointing out something that seems off to me.

just the waistline of the pants intact. => I hesitate to complain about this, but here's the pickyness: the waistline is not normally a component of clothing, like a pocket or a cuff. What's most likely still there is the elastic band that reinforces the pantwaist. It's perfectly clear what you mean, but a different word or phrase could convey that idea better while giving you more opportunity to linger descriptively on the things that the shredded elastic was (barely) covering.

[nnnrg]

Feedback time. I'm not going to critique the way you form your sentences, nor how you break them up. That's part of your authorial voice, something that you are developing, and giving advice out of whatever fictional Strunk & White is supposed to apply to erotic muscle growth stories is ... well, not going there. You are doing great, keep up the writing.

I will, however, point out the typos and spelling errors, and suggest some alternate wording where it might make things more clear, or where a word choice is weaker than I think it should be.
Of course, you should take the latter with a grain, or block, of salt depending on whether or not it makes sense to you.

Spell-checking is good. Grammar-checking is better but isn't really automated intelligently yet. Here's what I noticed.

Luckily for him he founds an adoring fan => found an adoring fan. Looks like you were thinking in two tenses, or just made a typo.

he somehow managed to keep all his teeth in tact => all his teeth intact ... spell-check fails to find this.

His pecs ripped out of jersey, => you're missing the article here. It would either be ripped out of his jersey or ripped out of the jersey because otherwise you could be talking about the town in England or the short form of the name of the state in the USA.

over his still growing shoulders. => still-growing shoulders because 'still' modifies growing. Note, this is a complex sentence which is tremendous fun to diagram. This one is more of a notational style thing and it might be perfectly good as it sits, but I would still hyphenate it.

leaving shredded remaining of his shirt and pads => this is also complicated; there are several ways to put it. the shredded remains of or shreds remaining of would be most likely.

since his lats and delts new bulk was in the way => here we run into a major failing of modern English pedagogy: the inability to communicate how to form a possessive. You are not to blame here; your teachers failed you. The new bulk belongs to his lats and delts. Therefore, you need to indicate that. Without changing the way it's pronounced, you would put in the trailing possessive apostrophe, thus: his lats' and delts' new bulk but I would say the new bulk of his lats and delts instead, because stupid text editor assumptions will try to misinterpret the apostrophes.

Anthony rustled Colton's messy brown hair => This is a complete sentence and deserves a period of its own, after hair preferably.

Word choices. It's clear that you want to communicate that Anthony isn't a great student but that he IS a prodigy at physical things, athletics and growing muscle being the biggest ones. Except it's also clear by the way he speaks and acts that he's not actually stupid, just somewhat self-obsessed and really, really focussed on the athletic things. If I were telling this story I would look for wording to support this idea, but there are two specific places where the words you chose, worked at cross-purposes to what I thought was your intent, in my opinion.

until it finally clicked in Anthony's peasized brain. => The word pea-sized needs a hyphen to turn it into the compound adverb form. The choice of the word is a bit off-putting and clearly draws from vernacular use, which is normally derogatory. If it were Anthony ironically calling his own brain pea-sized in a first-person narration, that would work, because it would be obvious. But it's the omniscient third-person point of view. I have no recommendation for what to use instead; I'm just pointing out something that seems off to me.

just the waistline of the pants intact. => I hesitate to complain about this, but here's the pickyness: the waistline is not normally a component of clothing, like a pocket or a cuff. What's most likely still there is the elastic band that reinforces the pantwaist. It's perfectly clear what you mean, but a different word or phrase could convey that idea better while giving you more opportunity to linger descriptively on the things that the shredded elastic was (barely) covering.

[big alpha brute]

Awesome; good work

[Rarity]

I don't use a good spell check, unfortunately. My spell check comes in the form of Google Chrome. That means no grammar checker too. Regardless, I'm a god-awful proofreader. Soooooooooo I'm going to hire you to be my new proofreader. Get in the basement with the rest of my helpers.

I used to hyphen words a lot but found myself using it too much. I also use hyphens - usually in place of commons - just to break up a sentence in a visually more abruptive manner. So I try to stray away from using hyphens to tie words together. Everything you found was valid fo' sho'. It was very helpful.

The lats' and delts' situation was an intentional one. I decided to just change it around since you were right. I try to stray away from having body parts "possess" something in particular. It just seems out of place at first. That's why I changed it to what it is now. Same meaning, no possession. I only stay away from that kind of thing because I'd rather not misuse it.

Lastly about the waistline thing, it was supposed to be waistband. HerpedWhenIDerped.


Anthony is a confident and self-obsessed jock. He can say whatever he wants in a manner that's easy to understand. He still sounds like a normal person, and has not demonstrated any higher form of intelligence outside of average intelligence. I'm not saying that average intelligence is automatically stupid, but his lack of critical thinking hinders his overall intelligence. He is also too focused on his physical fitness to think about bettering his mental capabilities - that's no help in the long run. Like for example: he didn't think twice about how being naked in public is illegal or how stealing is a crime. That's made even worse than it sounds considering he's going for a Criminal Justice degree.

So it's kind of like saying he is average in linguistics, mediocre at applying common sense to things, and is below average in anything that requires thinking (about anything other than himself). If Anthony were a real guy, it would be very easy to group him in with the stupid people.

[nnnrg]

Waistband! That was the word I was forgetting!
The stuff with hyphens is a notational convention that I was taught years and years ago and I no longer even remember who taught it or how it was formulated; I only know it comes automatically to me. If a group of words replace a single word (usually an adverb or adjective) then I hyphenate, unless that looks extraordinarily clumsy on the page when I'm done. I've been taken to task for using hyphens and parentheses too much, and I use parentheses where many people use the little en-dash, but according to some writers, a comma works just as well. Like I did just there.

I'd be glad to beta-read your stuff. Send me a private message here and I'll send you an email to use. I've done this before (oh god that was painful) with a guy who was word-dyslexic, incapable of spelling at all, and whose attempts to sound out words were mangled by what was a rather strange accent, so ... I ended up finding him better software and waiting for his brain to finish maturing in that area. He's not bad as a writer and fairly good as a storyteller nowadays. (His storytelling was never bad, just needed maturing, and it did so nicely.)

Anyway. When I'm modeling smarts in a character I'm writing, I use Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences theory ( http://www.infed.org/thinkers/gardner.htm ) which is tremendously useful for revealing how people can be really good at some things and really stink at other things even though they're not stupid. For me it works best when I know what the situation is, but don't bother to write it, because it comes out looking recognizable.

In the book "Frames of Mind" he lays out twelve or thirteen identifiable intelligences but that number has fluctuated over time with scientific discoveries. His requirement for an intelligence is that there is a physical structure in the neural nets of the brain (distributed or otherwise) that facilitates the function provided by the intelligence, and that it is distinguishable from other function. At some point in the discussion since I read Frames of Mind, someone seems to have inserted the idea that it is useful to the survival of the organism, which clouds the issue. The issue of talents vs. intelligences has also been raised but I think it's a red herring and a distraction. Anyway, Howard's specific rules were, "Can a lesion in the brain cause damage to, or destroy, this function separately from other functions" and "are there prodigies, persons who have a spontaneous hyper-developed form of this function."


In Anthony's case, you have shown a person who (by my analysis) has a high kinesthetic intelligence (and with physical gifts on top of that), a good but not exceptional linguistic intelligence, a high spatial intelligence to go with the kinesthetic, an ordinary but somewhat mediocre logical/mathematical intelligence (the basis of most 'reasoning'), an average associative intelligence (the basis of memory and creativity), and a poor existential/moral intelligence, a high interpersonal intelligence (he has the charm) but a poor or average intrapersonal intelligence (introspective self-awareness.) It's not clear if his musical intelligence is high, low, or average. It's possible that there is a "drive" or "motivation" intelligence.

And I have known people in the real world who had this combination.

[sexiscriptor]

Unlike everyone else I only have one tiny, simple bit of criticism.....

You cut us off before/without the hot muscle sex!! :-P

[Rarity]

Hum, that intelligence thing is pretty in depth. By that source, I couldn't really call any of the characters I made stupid. I don't really like portraying a character as too stupid, especially since I have yet to see a legit stupid person in real life.

Originally Posted by sexiscriptor

Unlike everyone else I only have one tiny, simple bit of criticism.....

You cut us off before/without the hot muscle sex!! :-P

I did it on purpose because I am a horrible person.

[sexiscriptor]

Originally Posted by Rarity

Hespecially since I have yet to see a legit stupid person in real life.

Excellent reasoning; I've known a couple dumb people but few are without any redeeming qualities

And you, sir, are a jerk and definitely a horrible person :-P hope to see more of this sexy sexy story soon!

[Rarity]

The 2nd part will be up when I can contact musclelover tomorrow. It was easy to write, but for some reason. . . Ug. It never gets less awkward to write certain things. how2muscle??? how2maleanatomy???

[nnnrg]

Sent you my feedback, Rarity. I like where it's going