Tea. Not Coffee.

[Dogma]

So I'm poking away at a story. It'll go up on here eventually, but it has kind of evolved into something else as I've gone along, which has meant that this little scene will probably get deleted. But it was a fun moment so I figured I'd throw it up here for anyone who might be interested. It sits in the same universe as this story: http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/sh...ad.php?t=68725


Tommy was about to hand the bottle of pills over when he paused and said, ?You know there?s only so much testosterone to go around right? Like, imagine a bucket full of testosterone, you can?t add more to it because it will overflow. Actually maybe it would better to think of it as a series of buckets of testosterone. Some are full and some are not so full. No, say we have two buckets in the same room ? Wait, a teeter totter! It?s like a teeter totter.? Tommy grinned and did the up and down motions with his hands.
Carl laughed and cut him off at that point, ?Yeah, yeah, TMI, man? he grabbed the bottle. ?What I know is that twink needs to man up a little and I want to help make it happen.?
Tommy smiled, ?Well that?s great; you?re being pretty generous. You know, I might have something else that can help too. If he?s bulking up he?ll need to eat more and this stuff is great at giving him a healthy appetite. Just mix it into his weight gain powder. He is taking weight gain powder right??

Just then the phone rang. Tommy glanced at the number and then grimaced. ?Ugh. These guys. I better take this.?

?Hey! Hey! Tommy here!?
You remember in the Flintstones when they used to pick up the phone and there would be someone absolutely wigging out on the other end of the line? And the person speaking, probably Fred or Barney would get their hair blown back by the force of the anger coming through the phone line? Yeah. That.

?Whoa! Hey! Slow down! So what happened?! Yeah ? yeah ? and then you put it in his tea right??
?What? No! Coffee?! Oh Christ.?
Tommy pulled the phone away from his ear, put a hand over the mouthpiece and looked over at Carl; he was shaking his head and laughing. ?He put the stuff in his coffee! I told him it had to be tea!? He went back on the phone again.
?Well, yeah he fricking hulked out on you, who wouldn?t on fricking coffee? Man, if it had even been decaf you might have been okay. Just be glad it wasn?t a bloody latte. So how big did he get?? More incoherent yelling from the other end. ?Yeah, I know you can?t get a scale under him but ? you figure 3,000 pounds? And he?s completely immobile, right??

He nodded at the voice on the other end, which was a little bit quieter now and then covered up the receiver and looked at Carl again. ?People always figure if you add 3,000 pounds of muscle to a person you?re going to get some sort of behemoth strutting around with a big booming voice.? He lowered his voice and mimed like he was Frankenstein?s monster. ?Look at me, I am so muscular! Kneel before me puny mortals! That sort of shit. No. You get a big sweating lump of muscle that?s so oversized to the rest of the body, the guy can?t even move. The Hulk works cause he gets bigger and taller?that and the gamma radiation?but nobody ever thinks of that. Fortunately there?s a failsafe in the spells that keeps them breathing even though the weight of their chest should crush their lungs. Dumb asses.?

The voice on the other end of the line let out a string of expletives that even Carl could hear. ?Oh right, you?re still here,? Tommy went back on the phone. ?Hey, there?s nothing I can do. It?s not like I can lift a 3,000 pound man; nobody put anything in MY tea. Yeah, tea. Not coffee. Get yourself a front end loader, scoop him up and haul him to a hospital, hook him up on an IV and let him ?tone down? a little.? (He did the air quotes around that.) He?ll be alright eventually. Oh and talk to the sperm bank. When they get that big they usually start spontaneously ejaculating all over the place. Seriously, get a bucket. No use seeing all that spunk go to waste.?

Tommy finally hung up. ?People. I swear. Read the instructions. Now where were we??

Carl was staring at the bottle in Tommy?s hand with his eyes as wide as saucers.

?No no, this is completely different stuff,? Tommy laughed. ?Relax!? He paused to read the fine print before handing it over the bottle . ?Yeah, this includes height. And it?s part of our ?Near-reality? collection. So nobody is going to end up immobile. Mind you, don?t put it in his coffee. Why take the chance??

[convolution]

The dark side of "magic" growth pills

[Mdlftr]

I can just imagine a lawsuit over "Immobility pills".

"Your Honor, my client is suing the defendant, Dick Deadeye, over unsafe use of muscle magic. Formerly a 98 pound weakling, my client could now lift anything in the world -- if he could move, that is!

We are suing for damages and seek an injunction returning my client to his previous state, plus 75 pounds of muscle, plus flexibility!"

A day in muscle court....

[Dogma]

I think muscle court would be a fun place to work.

"I wanted to be six feet tall and solid muscle. Not six feet wide and solid muscle," he said, before waddling down from the stand.