Psychology of fear & sexual arousal

[suma]

Imagine being irresistibly aroused & drawn to a person while at same time fearful that the same person may devour you upon orgasm. (Ok that's over the top but it does occur in the animal kingdom. But you get the idea)
Or being irresistibly aroused & drawn to a man/woman who is so much larger and more powerful that copulation with him/her risks hospitalization.

If anyone wants to chime in and discuss.

[Reeza]

What you are describing is just a small step beyond what turns me on about muscle growth in general. In my fantasies, the big muscular guy is always larger and more powerful than his partner, and could do whatever he wants to do with the smaller guy. This includes the potential for property damage, humiliation, non-consensual sex, injury and even death.

I emphasize the word potential because I like the idea that a man could do all those things to me, is able to prove that he could do those things, but will choose not to injure or kill me because he is genuinely affectionate and gets off on the idea of absolute power over his partner. The element of danger in the interaction is the spark that ignites the flame. I am trying to develop this concept in my current story.

I believe that risk connected with sex is a huge turn on for many people, gay or straight, and takes many forms such as rape fantasies, sex with strangers, sex in places where we might get caught and arrested, and barebacking. I'm not suggesting that all of these are healthy expressions of sexuality, but I think it explains the appeal of some of these things. Even the fear of rejection is part of the heightened arousal of meeting and getting to know a potential partner.

[suma]

I agree and love the idea of a guy who is do much bigger and more powerful that he has the potential at any moment to easily bring bodily harm or even death to his partner BUT he never does because he is genuinely in love with him and instead he is very affectionate and tries to be gentle but sometimes his big hands accidentally bruise his smaller buddy.

[Kestrel]

I'm not sure what to say. I'm not trying to undermine your fantasy... but here is a real life scenario:

I know someone whose teenage son is a bodybuilder. He hears voices that tell him to kill people. It troubles him greatly. He's otherwise a decent kid, tries hard to be kind, do the right thing, etc. He always tells his parents when he's having an episode, etc. I don't know what he's diagnosed with, but his doctors haven't confined him to a ward or anything. I don't know what triggers the voices per se, but I think part of it stems from fear of coming out

But that's not the point. Look at your fantasy from his perspective. He's a huge kid, struggling to find his way, struggling against the raging hormones of puberty, and he hears voices. If he heard voices during sex, I'm sure it would be very traumatic for him... being caught in a moment of passion, and literally having someone else's life in his hands.

I really feel for that kid. You can just see the sorrow in his eyes. I would not wish this type of fantasy on anyone.

[suma]

Bah!! I don't buy it.
Sex with him prob be awesome.
Besides what makes u think there's a fear of coming out? So u think he's gay?

[crushme99]

Originally Posted by Kestrel

I really feel for that kid.

IF this is a true story, I suggest that you go beyond simply "feeling" for him and try to help the kid. IF this is a true story, you seem to have at least an acquaintance with the kid and the family. IF this is a true story and IF you really do have concerns for his welfare, find out if he is receiving treatment. If he is not, urge his family to get help for him. When people turn their backs and say it's none of their business, that's when Columbine and Sandy Hook happen. Different situations? No, not so much.

[Reeza]

This could get overheated quickly. We shouldn't be dismissive of this kid's problems or speculate about what he would be like in bed.

I'm a psychologist and I've worked with many clients who hear voices, some of whom have command hallucinations of the type that tell the client to hurt themselves or other people.

Based on Kestrel's account, these thoughts are troubling to the kid. He doesn't want to hurt people, and when he has the thoughts, he tells his parents about them. He is getting treatment, and there is no reason for him to be locked up. I'm guessing he doesn't have a basement full of automatic rifles.

Because the thoughts disturb him, it is extremely unlikely that he would have sexual fantasies about hurting a partner (which is not what this thread is about, by the way.) Also, when he's actively hallucinating, it is very unlikely that he would be engaged in intimate activities. Most people with these symptoms want to be alone when they hallucinate, and they would choose to hurt themselves before they would give in to the voices.

Auditory hallucinations can be pretty persuasive, but they have to be uncontrolled for a pretty long time before they become loud and persistent enough to push someone to act on them. But again, the person is more likely to harm himself in that situation just to make the voices stop, or to prevent himself from hurting others.

The original question Suma posed was about the fantasy of being with someone who could hurt you, but doesn't want to hurt you and won't hurt you. It was not about people who fantasize about hurting others, and this poor kid is not someone who would fantasize about hurting people.

Auditory hallucinations are not fantasies. They are extremely unpleasant symptoms of an illness. No, Kestrel, I would not wish that on anyone. I've seen it, and it's heartbreaking.

[Kestrel]

@crushme99
I don't take offense to your comments, and i hope you don't take offense to mine. You're entitled to your doubt. But I'm not going to take pictures, introduce you, get handwritten affidavits from him, his family, his doctors, or the neighbors... or anything else that would identify him or his family.

As for your hypotheticals, it's not my place to barge into his home, or bombard him / his parents with invasive questions / demands. I did not say he wasn't getting treatment... I said I did not know what he was diagnosed with. He is being treated. Again, as I said, he always seeks out his parents when he has an episode. They take as best care of him as they can. His doctors haven't confined him to a ward, and neither should I start a witch hunt to make it happen.


@Suma
Sex with a big powerful guy might seem great for his partner, but if he has an episode during it, it probably wouldn't be great for him. That kind of internal struggle would be traumatic! That was my point, is all. I'm sorry if this derailed your thread! This kind of thing just hits close to home... and I didn't want to make light of it.


@Reeza
Thanks for your input. I thought the anecdote was on topic because he really could hurt someone, but seriously doesn't want to, and probably wouldn't. Sure, my example is based on a hypothetical... but so is the topic itself.

[schwermarko]

Wow, this got deeply psycological quickly, I just assumed this meant something like this

http://www.mgtowforums.com/forums/at...-death-snu.jpg

[The Magus]

One of the theories of emotion in psychology is that we feel the physical effects of an emtion (iincreased heart rate and breathing, flushed face, etc) and use the context we're in to decide what the emotion is (fear, anger, arousal) after the fact. This would imply that the line between being aroused and being afraid is very thin, and its true that a lot of people engage in scary activities just for fun.

[suma]

Originally Posted by schwermarko

Wow, this got deeply psycological quickly, I just assumed this meant something like this

http://www.mgtowforums.com/forums/at...-death-snu.jpg

I know! Deez bitches went and got all serious on ma thread :-(

JUST PLAYING GUYS. PLZ PLZ DONT TAKE OFFENSE ESP AT USE OF B WORD.

[schwermarko]

SO to bring this one back to the point. I think.

Yes I fantasize about needing to be restrained during sex so I don't get on top of her and crush her.

and about her getting injured by either my size or the force of the pounding, or being thrown across the room by my ejaculate.

and I think it's a great bit of plot tension for the protagonist in the story to worry obout having sex, because he knows once he gets into "HULK POUND" mode he wont be able to stop himself.

[anpuZA]

Suma, it depends for me I guess. One thing I agree on is the ability to hurt / maim or kill vs actually getting to that point. I love the "I am a big bad ass jock that hurts little queers like you but then secretly fall in love and keep you safe" kinda stories.

As far as my own safety is concerned, I don't know, one of the sexiest moments I had in my life was when a heavily (but not super sized) muscled guy (I was totally in love with him) came in from the front, basically embraced me, so much so that I could feel his pecs pressing hard against me, and then proceeded to bite me in the neck (without drawing blood), he must have just bruised the skin, but the complete helplessness I felt at that moment, coupled with the incredible risk I was putting myself in (he was close to an artery as I remember) and the almost orgasmic sensitivity of my skin after he let go was and still is beyond my ability to describe. I didn't want him to let go. Honest to god, it was better than sex. I'm pretty sure that if he were to perform such an act ever again, right on the verge of my orgasm I would probably wake people up in the next province with my screams of pure pleasure.

So yeah, I love feeling helpless, just as long as I know the guy is just playing dangerously.

[suma]

Schwermarko and anpuZA you both get it! Thanks

[nnnrg]

Was wondering if someone had already posted "Death by Snu-Snu" --- eeyup.
While I understand this idea, I don't especially participate in it. I don't like feeling helpless unless I can absolutely trust the person I am vulnerable to, and that's very very very rare. I know people who deliberately make themselves helpless to people who have agreed to physically or emotionally torment them, in order to take them to some sort of mental state where they are able to either transcend or descend into some kind of epiphany, which may or may not be sexual. I don't do that myself, because I've experienced enough pain that I couldn't do anything to stop, and for me it's got nothing to do with sex. But intense stimulation that would be painful otherwise, during sex? That has sometimes been fun. Helplessness to someone who I trusted? That has been fun, with the one person I ever trusted that much.

Re: the diversion.
I agree with Reeza about the kid Kestrel describes. As a result of my narcolepsy I sometimes, rarely, get auditory hallucinations (fortunately rare, and almost never voices, just things that go bump in the night ... but sometimes in the day) and that's disturbing and annoying. My same-age stepbrother, however, has full-blown schizophrenia with deranged thinking and had voices that told him to do things like walking naked down the freeway in Wyoming - in December. He's been under treatment for a very long time, but from knowing him as a kid, when the voices started, it was very stressful for him.

The kid Kestrel describes does need medical help. One hopes that he can find a doctor or therapist who knows how to diagnose the cause of this. There are two 'classical' causes for hearing voices, and a handful of other possible causes that I've heard of but not in enough detail to recognize. Schizophrenia, a form of brain-chemistry and wiring problem, and dissociative disorder, the modern name for the post-traumatic function that causes 'split personalities'. The treatments for these two things are NOT similar and you can cause someone terrible harm if you use the treatment for one when it's the other.

On top of that, some drugs that are thrown around stupidly for depression or ADHD can cause schizoprhenic-style destructive voices to emerge. This is why it needs a properly trained, skilled, and up-to-date professional to help the kid manage his illness.

[schwermarko]

The real trick is that for this to be sexy, everyone in the scenario has to be helpless to resist their own lust.