First deads in I-don't-know-how-many months

[Minotaur]

I don't mind revealing that I have a mental health problem... bipolar II/hypomania. I've been on Lamictal, a mood stabilizer; alprazolam for anxiety; bupropion for the depression. P-doc increased my Wellbutrin, took me off alprazolam (Xanax) and put me on clonazepam (Klonopin).
So why am I telling you this?

Because for as much time as I previously spent in the gym building my size and strength, I've been very sporadic over the past few months. Actually I've been blowing off the gym more than anything else.

So... The fog is lifting. I went to the gym yesterday morning and deadlifted for the first time in months. My best ever last year was 345 for 3-4 reps a couple of times. And I want that again. The first time I did it I was alone in the gym on a Saturday night (I have keys), took off my shirt, said "for Toby" (my cat who passed away... so sue me ), started to pull and let out the most blood-curdling Klingon howl as I pulled and locked out. I'm not usually a howler or yeller, but that time merited it.

Got nowhere near that yesterday, just 2 sets of 225 and one set of 245. I have 100 lbs to go to get caught up. But it will come back fast as long as I am smart about it. I just might alternate with rack pulls week to week. My bench and squat must be the suck also. I'll find out this week. I did 3 sets of 135 lb high pulls. That felt great. They're fun. I can't wait to go back.

I feel newly motivated to pound the weights and pack on the muscle. Part of the conflict has been trying to cut and lose the excess fat. but you know what.... ? It ain't gonna happen. I am not, never have been, never will be a bodybuilder. I am a powerlifter. I want to eat; I want lift. Big. And I've been holding myself back from that. And hey, if I have to have my pants let out a bit, or buy a some new ones, so be it. Though I'll try to keep that to a minimum.

No more stressing, the beast is out of the chute.

OK, so call this an early New Year's resolution.

[arpeejay]

Lowgrade depression, in my case, but it definitely takes its toll.

Regardless, GREAT that you're back in the gym! Keep working at it and keep us posted because we love to hear stories of hot sexy men getting hotter and sexier! :-)

All the best & xoxo...

Richard

[Minotaur]

Thanks.

Yeah, it's that low level background stress that grinds you down. My partner was in the hospital for almost a week. After all cardiac tests, which came out negative, the cause was ruled to be stress and anxiety, which we have in abundance. My best friend is in the same hospital this week for the same thing!

[wolfotehmoon]

Ugh, depression. >_> It's alternately gotten me in and kept me out of the gym. :/ I haven't been diagnosed with anything clinical, but I've seen therapists for extended periods since childhood, and a recent bout really fucked me up... I refuse to ever take drugs, though. Not just because of the weird changes they can make in your brain, but also because in the off-chance they work fine, I don't want to be dependent on them. But, eh...

[Minotaur]

I know what you mean about the meds. There's pluses and minuses. I'm not wild about taking them, but they make a big difference in how I function. But I don't want to go on a defense of meds... everyone has to find their own way.

I'm not really sure what my point is, other than to share my re-awakening. I was even reading through my Rock Guitar for Dummies, and just in a page or two of a subject I was thinking "oh OK, I get it!" when in the recent past everything was a struggle.

And what I know is that I have an image and goal in mind, and I'm going for it.

[suma]

hey Minotaur,
I like your attitude about training, I'm a powerlifter myself. If that's you in the avatar , then you look fairly fit and lean, thumbs up.
also hope you conquer or at least manage your bipolar disorder, I think I've known some people who suffer from clinical mood imbalances , and it's such a terrible thing that often goes on for years undiagnosed.
I'm no Dr but I think it's good that you train for strength and lift heavy, because maybe you've experienced it too, the feeling of wellbeing and good mood that follows an intense heavy workout. Scientists say it's because of the adrenaline and testosterone that succreted when the body has to work so hard. The average gym workout won't do it tho, it's got to be heavy weights.
I truly believe that heavy weight training has beneficial effects not only on fitness, strength, muscle building, but psychological wellbeing and good mood as well.

[brent]

It's amazing how similar this thread is to my own life. I'd nearly stopped working out, totally depressed, and about a month ago I'd started on bupropion. I'm now back into the gym & trying to fix my eating too. I call action the antidepressant. The problem is that when you are down, you don't want to do anything, so you get lazier & more depressed... It becomes o vicious cycle.

[xythan_shadow]

It is amazing how much a good friend can help in counteracting that. Just having someone there to kick your ass if you don't have a good reason for missing the gym is so helpful. I am overly grateful for mine.

[inflated]

Deadlifts are by far my favorite exercise, they are a great mass builder, its easy to lift a lot of weight, its a fairly safe exercise, no spotters are needed, I could go on with reasons why I love deadlifting. Good luck to you and try to stay dedicated to the gym, its a great addiction.

[Minotaur]

Originally Posted by suma

hey Minotaur,
I like your attitude about training, I'm a powerlifter myself. If that's you in the avatar , then you look fairly fit and lean, thumbs up.
also hope you conquer or at least manage your bipolar disorder, I think I've known some people who suffer from clinical mood imbalances , and it's such a terrible thing that often goes on for years undiagnosed.
I'm no Dr but I think it's good that you train for strength and lift heavy, because maybe you've experienced it too, the feeling of wellbeing and good mood that follows an intense heavy workout. Scientists say it's because of the adrenaline and testosterone that succreted when the body has to work so hard. The average gym workout won't do it tho, it's got to be heavy weights.
I truly believe that heavy weight training has beneficial effects not only on fitness, strength, muscle building, but psychological wellbeing and good mood as well.

Thanks. Yes, that's me, but it doesn't tell the whole story. I definitely have a "bear belly". This is me currently...

http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u...15081408-1.jpg

I'm looking to increase my size and strength. I know I'll probably gain some more fat and I'll have to find a way to take it off. I lose very slooowly when I do at all.

The irony is that when I felt down, I'd blow off the gym. If my mind wasn't there, neither was I. Yet on the occasions I dragged myself in, I'd have a good workout and a totally improved outlook.

I've started a 5x5 routine I got from Dave Draper's site. I think it's a modified Bill Starr routine. I gave it a dry run tonight, and boy did I work! I think it will be a good routine.

Originally Posted by brent

The problem is that when you are down, you don't want to do anything, so you get lazier & more depressed... It becomes o vicious cycle.

Bingo!

I'm glad the bupropion is working. My increase in dosage seems to have helped a lot. I started at 150 mg, but am now at 300 mg, the standard dose.

It's been a long time since I've had workouts like these. It feels good.

[Minotaur]

Originally Posted by xythan_shadow

It is amazing how much a good friend can help in counteracting that. Just having someone there to kick your ass if you don't have a good reason for missing the gym is so helpful. I am overly grateful for mine.

I've never had a training partner, and I think sometimes it would have been beneficial to have one. Like you said, sometimes you need someone to kick you in the ass and not pity you or cuddle you.

Originally Posted by inflated

Good luck to you and try to stay dedicated to the gym, its a great addiction.

Thanks... I plan to.

[xythan_shadow]

I am very happy with my lifting buddy. We both have the same goals, and in the gym that I go to, it seems rare. Plus, since he's a bit stronger and bigger than me, I'm able to push myself harder knowing I have a good spot. Plus, we feed off each other's energy (as long as the music isn't crappy). I know I wouldn't have made the gains that I have if I didn't have someone like him behind me.

I suggest everyone go out and find that lifting buddy that works for them