The Summer of 1981, Part 38: Don't Want To Wait Anymore

[Padraig]

I thought I would dispense with my traditional listing of the previous chapters to say thank you to everyone who has read the series up to this point. I genuinely appreciate your interest, feedback, and comments – it really does mean the world to me, especially since the tale of Tug and Ben is a little bit different than the ones usually posted on this board.

This story has been alternatingly thrilling and exhausting (over 75,000 words!) for me to write, but I'm certainly glad that I finally did it. I hope to write more stories soon, but I may take a little break for a while and just enjoy what others are posting.

There will be two more chapters to this tale, to be posted later in the week. Thanks again for reading!



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Saturday, September 12, 1981


After putting on his clothes, Tug sat down on his bed. The lyrics of the song, “Time,” had hit him like a ton of bricks.

Time keeps flowing like a river…and now Ben’s really leaving…today’s the day…who knows where we shall meet again, if ever…

If only we did have all the time in the world…but we don’t…

It was at that moment Tug figured out what he wanted to say to Ben.

He finally figured out what *he* wanted, and it was time to take action.

I don’t want to wait anymore…I’ve waited so long, I’ve almost forgot what I’m waiting for…


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Tug slipped on his shoes and sped out of the door of his house, not even checking to make sure that it shut behind him. He leapt off the porch and began running toward Ben’s aunt’s house, taking the shortcut through the grove and down onto the road.

He ran as fast as he could, faster than he ever thought possible. Definitely faster than he could have on the day, exactly three months ago, when he first saw Ben from his bedroom window jogging on the street below.


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Tim easily climbed the staircase to the second story, three steps at a time, and knocked softly on his brother’s bedroom door. “Tug, you in there?”

“I’m a little busy right now.”

“OK. I just wanted you to know that mom is looking for you.”

“I’ll be down…”

He stopped mid-sentence, and Tim heard a sigh coming from the other side of the door.

“Tug? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just a little frustrated.”

“Is there anything I can do to help, buddy?”

After about 10 seconds, Tug replied, “Can you come in for a sec?”

Tim entered to see his brother trying to finish fastening the bottom buttons his shirt. Although they were 4 years apart in age, Tim and Tug had similar features – medium brown hair, brown eyes, a few freckles, a pug nose, and skin that was ever-so-slightly darker than the average Caucasian. They were even the same height and both had large frames.

Tug, however, didn’t enjoy exercise and physical activity like his brother, and he had a much stronger sweet tooth. As a result, he was about 40 pounds over his ideal weight, giving him a rounder appearance overall with a prominent belly.

“What’s wrong?” Tim repeated.

Tug was grimacing as he attempted to pull the final buttons together, but his gut prevented success, leaving a large gap of his white undershirt clearly visible. “I have four dress shirts, but three of them are in the laundry right now, so I have to wear this one tonight – and it’s too small.”

Although Tim had never been fat, he was still a big guy and occasionally had trouble finding clothes that fit properly, so he could sympathize with his brother.

Tim tried to lighten the mood. “Did you have too many tacos at your high school graduation party?”

Tug ignored the comment, even though his brother was right on the money. “What am I going to do? Mom will kill me if I come down in just a t-shirt.”

“Relax, I will get you one of my sweaters. You’ll be a little warm tonight, but at least you’ll be presentable.”

“Thanks, Tim.”

“You are welcome, little brother. Be right back.” Tim winked, and then headed down the hallway.

Tug was glad that he had one more night to spend with Tim. Being four years apart, he and his brother hadn’t spent significant time together for quite a while – different schools, different friends, different activities – and now Tim was leaving for the East Coast to play professional football.

I wish he could stay for just a few more days, just so we could hang out for a while…

Tim’s friends, however, had invited him to that vacation in Florida, so it looked like he would be gone for at least six months – maybe more if his team made the playoffs.

Tug looked wistfully out the window while he waited for his brother to return. The sky was gray, as it had been for the last few weeks, and the waves on Puget Sound looked slightly menacing. The house may have been crowded, but with the exception of a lone jogger in a black track suit, the street was deserted.

Tim returned and announced, “OK, your choices are this cardigan or this pullover.”

Tug turned back around, selected the cardigan, and pulled it on. It took a bit of stretching to get it buttoned, but just as his brother had predicted, he looked presentable.

“OK, that’s good for now. Thanks again, Tim.”

Tim hesitated for a moment before he replied. “You know, buddy, that was an easy problem to work with. If you ever want me to help you with the bigger problem, I’m willing to do so.”

Tug was about to laugh, but he knew his brother was serious, and he caset his eyes downward before speaking. “I know, Tim. And I appreciate it. But I’m fine with my weight. Really.”

“OK, but if you ever want to learn how to use the weight set in the basement, or want help with a diet plan, all you have to do is call. And trust me when I say that girls won’t be able to resist you if you lost a few pounds – you’ll have to beat ‘em off with a stick.”

Tug looked up again at his brother. Tim looked into his brother’s eyes and wasn’t sure if he saw doubt or gratitude.

“I will think about it, Tim.”

“Okay, little brother. Now, do you think you can come downstairs and have some fun with everyone and smile?”

“I could smile for a while, sure.”

“Good! Years from now, Tug, I want you to think back about this night and say, ‘Wasn’t that a party? It was one of the most fun nights I have ever had!’”

Tug laughed at his brother’s enthusiasm, and they left the bedroom together.


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Tug continued running, making it the top of the road where Ben’s aunt’s house came into view. The house where he had spent most of the summer of 1981, and the house where he really got to know all about Benton Patrick Reeves.


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“Would you like to play professionally?” asked Tug.

Ben had relaxed back in his chair, but sat bolt upright again after Tug’s question. “It’s been my dream since I was a kid. I’m doing everything I can to get there.”

“My brother has the same passion for football. He always said he was going to be a pro football player, and sure enough, he was able to do it.”

“Well, how about you, Tug?” asked Ben with a smile. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Oh, gee. I really have no idea. My dad always says that college will help me figure it out. I think he’d like me to get a business degree and take over his company someday, but he hasn’t pressured me one way or another.”

Ben listened and nodded as his friend spoke. “Are you going to stay in a dorm at the U?”

“No, my parents are going to pay for me to rent a two-bedroom apartment with my friend, Jim. We looked at the dorms and they were so small. And the beds were teeny – I don’t see how anyone over six feet tall could ever get comfortable.”

“You sound like me sometimes. I would hate to be short, but I love to complain about being tall," said Ben.

“Me too,” added Tug. “Finding clothes that fit. Airplane seats. Low ceilings.”

“Don’t forget about any place with group seating, like a concert hall or a stadium. And most of these new little cars – have you sat in some of those imports?”

“Jay’s dad has a Jaguar that I tried to get into once. It was ridiculous. My arms were hanging out the window and I swear my knuckles were dragging on the ground.”

Both boys laughed hard at the mental picture, and even though they were growing tired, they continued talking about a variety of subjects and listen to music for the next few hours. Before they knew it, the clock was striking 12:00am, so they decided to say their goodnights.

Tug walked along the darkened road back to his house. He had never been much of a night owl, but he did enjoy the feeling of the brisk evening wind and seeing all the stars in the sky. With so few houses on this side of the island, and virtually no streetlights, there was little to mask their twinkling.

He arrived at his parent’s property and took a shortcut through the grove to the front door of the house. Ascending the slope of the bluff, he looked up to see the midnight moon drifting through the lazy sway of the trees. As he watched the glowing crescent above him, Tug‘s eyes caught site of a low-hanging branch of a nearby maple tree – it was the one Tim had used to show off his chin-up prowess when flirting with his dates.

I wonder…

Tug walked over to the tree and stood under the thick branch. He grabbed on with both hands and pulled – and shockingly, his growing biceps didn’t deny him success. He managed to do one chin-up, albeit a little sloppily, and then dropped back down to the ground.

I did one! I actually did one!

Tug smiled so brightly that anyone nearby wouldn’t have seen the stars or the moon.


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Tug ascended the front porch like a man possessed and started knocking on the front door as hard as he could. It was still early, which meant there was a chance that Ben might still be asleep. He waited for about thirty seconds, and after getting no response, knocked again and again and again.

As he stood on the porch hoping for Ben to answer the door, Tug glanced down to his right arm to see the time, but realized he hadn’t put his watch on before leaving.

He was about to begin knocking again when he had a thought.

The flowers! Ben’s probably watering his aunt’s flowers! He always does it first thing in the morning.

Tug jumped off the porch and headed for the back of the house, where Kathy Dickerson had a small flower garden next to the walkway toward the beach. As he rounded the corner, he spotted the large maple tree where he and Ben had placed the two old recliners – their favorite place to sit and chat during many a lazy summer afternoon.

The two chairs were still in place, almost as if they were waiting for the boys to return and talk about whatever was on their mind.


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“So what happened?”

Ben again hesitated to clearly form his response, and he looked toward the ground as he spoke. “Um...it's hard to say where our love went wrong. It's hard to say just when, too. It’s just that there were complications – sort of like Romeo and Juliet, you know – they adored one another, but there were other factors that kept their love on the rocks.”

“What were the complications, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Part of it was that we worried too much about what others thought. Part of it was that we worried too much about the future held, and I think we both realized it was going to be hard for us to be a couple.”

Tug was confused. “How was it hard? Were you embarrassed to be seen with one another in public or something?”

“No, it was more that we had different expectations of what our first true love would be like – it was supposed to be fireworks and flowers, but it was just a lot of work instead. But it was also hard to walk away from love, because at the time, we thought it may never come again, you know?”

“You felt like you had been lucky to find each other?” asked Tug, trying to get a read on Ben’s face, which was difficult as he was still looking downward.

“Considering how it ended up, I’m not sure if either of us would say we were lucky at love – well, maybe so. There's still a lot of things I’ll never know because it was never easy and it was never clear for Kel and me. We floundered for a long time because neither of us really knew what we really wanted. And eventually, we grew weary of trying to figure it out and just stopped seeing one another. Not much you can do when the feeling is gone...”

“I’m sorry you had to go through it, Ben. I’m sure you must have had a rough time.”

Ben finally looked back up at Tug with tiredness in his eyes. “Yeah, I tried not to dwell too much on the breakup because it was more of a drifting apart – we still saw each other at school all the time, and we wanted each other to be happy. We didn't get our happy ending, but I know it will make me more grateful when I do have one.”


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Tug arrived at the back of the house, only to be disappointed: the flowers had clearly been watered, but nobody was there. He craned his head and looked around, and then he eventually spotted the reason for his sprint – Ben was standing out on the beach, near the shoreline, and looking out toward the water.

Tug started running again, and when he was about fifty yards away, he called out his friend’s name.

“Ben!”

Ben turned back toward the house and had a surprised look on his face. He was wearing a red t-shirt that stretched across his well-formed chest, red athletic shorts with white piping that came down to the middle of his muscled thigh, knee-high white socks, and an old pair of tennis shoes. It was the exact same outfit he wore on the first day they met back in Tug’s living room – the same outfit the made him look like a massively pumped up version of “The Greatest American Hero.”

Ben’s hair was a little shorter now, since he shaved it a month ago to match Tug’s haircut, but the blond curls were definitely coming back, and he still had the same deep blue eyes.

As Tug ran toward his friend, he flashed on a conversation that he had had with his father.


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“Tug, believe it or not, you and I are alike in many ways. Now I know that your brother and I have always shared a love of sports, but in terms of personality, he is much, much more like your mother. Outgoing, affable, very much the life of the party – extroverted in every sense.”

“Are you saying that I’m an introvert?” asked Tug, as if it were a dirty word.

“Yes, we both are, but I don’t mean that you’re a wallflower or an ugly duckling. It’s just that when you and I want to recharge our batteries – when we’re plain ol’ tuckered out – we seek quiet time by ourselves. We like to be alone with a good book, sitting on the hammock, or just walking down the beach. When your mother or your brother needs to recharge, they require a social setting – a party, a get-together with friends, or talking with someone on the telephone.”

Tug nodded.

“When I first went to college, other than playing sports, I was an extremely introverted person. I just wanted to be alone most of the time. I also didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life – grandpa had insisted that I go to the university, but I had no idea what I was going to study or take on as a career.”

“You didn’t? I just assumed you gravitated to business right away.”

“Nope, when I was younger man, I hadn't a care. I figured I would go class but spend most of my time fooling around, hitting the town, and growing my hair. But then I met your mother.”

“On the first day?”

“Yep. She was simply stunning – I was so awkward around her at first, because I didn’t understand what she could see in me. I mean, she was from the sophisticated and cultured big city, and I was just some hick from the island.”

“But she persisted?” asked Tug.

“That she did,” responded his father. “But I honestly believe that I fell in love with her on that very first day – the moment I saw her curly blonde hair, those deep blue eyes, and when she smiled right at me. But it took me about three months to figure it out. I guess I was a slow to catch on when it came to love.”

“Did falling in love change your outlook?”

“Well, I was still introverted, if that’s what you mean. Your mom practically had to drag me to visit her friends or go to parties. But being in love gave my life a new direction – it made me want to try harder, and push myself to do better – not just in sports or at school, but at everything. I wanted to be successful in my life so that I could provide for your mom and take care of her.”

“Wow,” said Tug with a hint of amazement in his voice. “I hope all that happens when I fall I love. I hope that being in love makes me want to be a better person.”


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Ben began running toward Tug, but he had only made it few steps by the time Tug approached him, a little winded from his long hard sprint.

“Tug, what’s going on? Why are you here?”

“I…had…to…see…you,” Tug said in between his deep breaths. “I’m glad you’re here, because I just don’t think…I have the strength…the strength to keep on running…”

Ben reached out with his arms and put them on Tug’s shoulders. “Is everything all right?”

“Everything is wonderful. I just figured it all out, and I don’t want to wait anymore. I had to tell you.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Ben, still confused.

“Remember when you said we have all the time in the world?”

“Of course.”

Tug smiled. “Well, it got me thinking – we actually don’t have all the time in the world, you know. You’re leaving today – today!”

Ben smiled back. “I know that, Tug.”

“Well, I’ve spent this whole week thinking about how others might react to…well…to the thought of you and I together. I kept wondering how they might feel, but I didn’t really consider what I wanted.”

The waves crashed nearby, sending tiny bits of spray onto Tug and Ben, but neither of them noticed.

“What is it you want, Tug?”

“It hit me this morning as I was getting dressed – I’ve been so upset because you’re leaving. Damn it, Ben, you’re really leaving. But I wanted…I want…I want you to stay, Ben. More than anything in the world, I don’t want you to go. You just can’t leave, because I need you to stay! It doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks, it doesn’t matter if they don’t approve, it only matters that we’re together.”

Ben started talking the moment Tug had finished. “Tug, I want to stay, I do. I thought I wouldn’t like living anywhere but New York City, but I love it here. I’ve come to understand that the simple things in life can be truly fulfilling, and this summer on the island has been the best three months of my life. And I want to stay, Tug, but I don’t want to stay here and just be your friend. I need to know there might be more. I need to know that you’d at least consider the possibility.”

“Ben, I’ve already considered it. I know what I want.”

Ben pulled Tug a little bit closer and repeated his question from earlier, “What is it you want, Tug?”

Tug took a deep breath, but he felt like his words wouldn’t be enough. He wanted to share his deepest emotions with Ben, but he didn’t know quite how to express it. He looked down to the ground, again realizing that Ben was wearing the same outfit that he had worn on the first day they met.

It was day that Ben had seen him dancing in the living room with the pastries shoved in his mouth. Suddenly, he knew exactly what to say.

In a soft voice, Tug began to sing.

“Whisper to me softly, breathe words upon my skin
No one’s near and listening, so please, Ben, don’t say goodbye
Just hold me close and love me, press your lips to mine
Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, feels so right, feels so right”

Ben leaned his head close to Tug’s, just to make sure he could hear every word over the sound of the surf. As he did so, tears began streaming down the face of both boys, but Tug continued his song.

“Standing here beside you, I hear the echoes of your sighs
Promise me you’ll stay with me and keep me warm tonight
So hold me close and love me, give my heart a smile
Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, feels so right, feels so right”

Tug and Ben then both leaned in together and kissed for the very first time, their lips locked together for a full thirty seconds. There was a sudden warmth enveloping them, protecting them from the cold winds coming off Puget Sound, and making them both feel like nothing could ever harm them as long as they were together.

When they released, Ben wiped the tears from his eyes and spoke first. “Well, was that better tasting than those pastries?”

Tug broke out his traditionally boisterous laugh, and Ben joined in. “It was a million times better,” he responded.

The pair embraced, and as they held each other along the shoreline, Tug finally said the words that his Ben had wanted to hear: “I really do love you.”

“I love you, Tug Yates.”

[Padraig]

Today's title song, from The Tubes:

Don't Want To Wait Anymore

And since I wasn't posting the videos the first time I used the lyrics, here is "Feels So Right" by Alabama. If someone were to ever sing this song to me, I think I would just melt in their arms...

Feels So Right

[bobman]

I look forward to seeing these posts every week. You really have captured something special! The integration of music, emotion, and great characters have bumped the romance up to the next level -- it's really appreciated.

[TKnTexas55]

Every time I log in, and I see another chapter, my day has been made. Watching Tug and Ben go through this has been a special event that you have captured perfectly.

For those of your readers who may ask themselves "how will I know this is the one?" you have shared these two's journeys to answsering that very question.

It has been a reminder to me how good it can be when you find the right one, and that that journey is one worth following. Even if it gets bumping along the way.

And watching Tug transform .... HOT!!!

[Padraig]

Bobman - Thank you for your kind words. I love pop music, I love that it can stir up such strong emotions in people, and I love that it can really express how we feel inside. If you've ever seen "Moulin Rouge" (specifically the scene atop the elephant), that to me is the epitome of how pop music can be used to express feelings. In fact, a friend once emailed to tell me she had just seen "Moulin Rouge," and she said watching it was like having a conversation with me.

TK - I can't believe the journey is almost over after so many years of thinking about this duo. When writing the part where Tug says, "you just can't leave, because I need you to stay," that was all me, talking about these characters - I am just not ready to give them up yet. I do really appreciate your praise, and I hope you enjoy the last two chapters as well.

[redroger11]

I am so proud of you. This was excellent.
Take a breath and savor the praise you should be getting.
But then, Start another story. Don't let this be the only time your imagination runs as far and as high and as wide. You've got more in you. We'll be waiting.

Keep Writing.

redroger11

[Padraig]

Thanks, RedRoger! More to come soon...

[michaelv2]

That was a marvelous chapter - the above comments say it better than I can. The summer of '81 definitely made the summer of '09 a lot better. Thanks for writing.

[Padraig]

Thanks, Michael! The two final chapters will be posted today ? one this morning and one tonight.