The Massage on Valentines Day-A Case of Mistaken Identity

[R Chris Cooper]

This story has been removed by the author.

[Mass Driver]

Now that is a real Valentine. Love it.
Hugs;
MD

[sockins33]

Great story as usual bro! I wouldn't mind getting a "massage" there myself.

[philat99]

You left quite an opening for a sequel based on Karl's devious plan. Loved your story!
Mike

[ubermensch183]

Well done. I'm hooked.

[Mdlftr]

Good story, great description as usual, but....

I'm confused!

Who's "Dave Jackson" who has the same name but is a different person than the narrator? And why does the masseuse hate him so much? Is there an earlier part to this story that I missed?

Mdlftr

[R Chris Cooper]

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

Good story, great description as usual, but....

I'm confused!

Who's "Dave Jackson" who has the same name but is a different person than the narrator? And why does the masseuse hate him so much? Is there an earlier part to this story that I missed?

Mdlftr

Karl knows a guy named Dave Jackson and the Dave Jackson Karl knows is a back-stabber, all around people user, snake in the grass... and dare I say bastard.

When the narrator calls for an appointment Karl just happens to answer the phone. Thinking this is the Dave Jackson he knows and holds a grudge against he gladly gives the narrator an appointment. With humiliation in mind Karl plans a strategy. The evil Dave Jackson contacts Karl after the massage and Karl learns he "humiliated" the wrong guy.

Your question about another story you missed... There is no other story. I wanted some things to remain mysterious like why Karl hates Dave Jackson. Maybe it is personal information Dave released, maybe they were lovers, maybe Dave told everyone he was a virgin and Karl was impotent... Dave is bad news and Karl is willing to spend a lot of money to neuter the threat.

In the mean time Karl has found a real man in the person of our narrator that he is willing to bed. Karl is not used to having conditions demanded when he proposes an idea. He thinks he may have found someone with real backbone and is intrigued enough to take Dave to bed... maybe forever.

Perhaps I need to clearify some of these points in the story. I didn't think it was necessary for the reader to know why Karl hates but that he hates just one guy. The members of the staff are all happy, prosperous, and well paid so Karl is a fair employer and all around good guy.

Let me know what you think. Was I too vague?

RCC

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by R Chris Cooper

Karl knows a guy named Dave Jackson and the Dave Jackson Karl knows is a back-stabber, all around people user, snake in the grass... and dare I say bastard.

When the narrator calls for an appointment Karl just happens to answer the phone. Thinking this is the Dave Jackson he knows and holds a grudge against he gladly gives the narrator an appointment. With humiliation in mind Karl plans a strategy. The evil Dave Jackson contacts Karl after the massage and Karl learns he "humiliated" the wrong guy.

Your question about another story you missed... There is no other story. I wanted some things to remain mysterious like why Karl hates Dave Jackson. Maybe it is personal information Dave released, maybe they were lovers, maybe Dave told everyone he was a virgin and Karl was impotent... Dave is bad news and Karl is willing to spend a lot of money to neuter the threat.

In the mean time Karl has found a real man in the person of our narrator that he is willing to bed. Karl is not used to having conditions demanded when he proposes an idea. He thinks he may have found someone with real backbone and is intrigued enough to take Dave to bed... maybe forever.

Perhaps I need to clearify some of these points in the story. I didn't think it was necessary for the reader to know why Karl hates but that he hates just one guy. The members of the staff are all happy, prosperous, and well paid so Karl is a fair employer and all around good guy.

Let me know what you think. Was I too vague?

RCC

To answer your question: "Let me know what you think. Was I too vague?"

Answer: No, your background information explained a lot, as given below:

"Karl knows a guy named Dave Jackson and the Dave Jackson Karl knows is a back-stabber, all around people user, snake in the grass... and dare I say bastard.

When the narrator calls for an appointment Karl just happens to answer the phone. Thinking this is the Dave Jackson he knows and holds a grudge against he gladly gives the narrator an appointment. With humiliation in mind Karl plans a strategy. The evil Dave Jackson contacts Karl after the massage and Karl learns he "humiliated" the wrong guy."

[If he talked to him on the phone, wouldn't Karl be more likely to know he did not have the same guy? Unless he had never heard his voice before? Or if their prior interaction was remote? Perhaps, if an employee took the message, Karl saw the message later, then planned his revenge, there would be more likelihood for confusion as to which "Dave Jackson" was making the appt. Doesn't that make sense in the context of the confusion and revenge?]


---I just didn't see this information in the story, so I was confused as to what was going on. For instance, Dan and ??, the two junior masseuses were surprised when the narrator asked them both to stay. That was the first inkling that there was some misunderstanding going on.

I guess the only way I can think to improve the story would be to add the exposition you just supplied about how Karl feels about "Dave Jackson" somewhere in the story. The reader never sees or hears from Karl until almost the end of the story, so any feeling Karl has about the name "Dave Jackson" is totally unknown to the reader until almost the end.

The descriptions were great. The motivation for the actions was what was unclear. Thanks for responding back.

Mdlftr

[robOgraff]

Originally Posted by R Chris Cooper

Karl knows a guy named Dave Jackson and the Dave Jackson Karl knows is a back-stabber, all around people user, snake in the grass... and dare I say bastard.

When the narrator calls for an appointment Karl just happens to answer the phone. Thinking this is the Dave Jackson he knows and holds a grudge against he gladly gives the narrator an appointment. With humiliation in mind Karl plans a strategy. The evil Dave Jackson contacts Karl after the massage and Karl learns he "humiliated" the wrong guy.

Your question about another story you missed... There is no other story. I wanted some things to remain mysterious like why Karl hates Dave Jackson. Maybe it is personal information Dave released, maybe they were lovers, maybe Dave told everyone he was a virgin and Karl was impotent... Dave is bad news and Karl is willing to spend a lot of money to neuter the threat.

In the mean time Karl has found a real man in the person of our narrator that he is willing to bed. Karl is not used to having conditions demanded when he proposes an idea. He thinks he may have found someone with real backbone and is intrigued enough to take Dave to bed... maybe forever.

Perhaps I need to clearify some of these points in the story. I didn't think it was necessary for the reader to know why Karl hates but that he hates just one guy. The members of the staff are all happy, prosperous, and well paid so Karl is a fair employer and all around good guy.

Let me know what you think. Was I too vague?

RCC

I wasn't confused. I once had a good friend and co-worker in another state (he had been transferred) that told me the copier repair guy in his new office could have been my twin. He even called the guy by my name. You knew by the title that mistaken identity was an issue here. I admit Cooper's explanation helped but I got the idea that Karl sent a couple of his best guys in for a "special" treatment before the massage. It would have been nice if there was more description of the sex. I think the whole story would have to be re-written to do what you and I suggest.

Rob