deflating and growing

[GunMetalGrey88]

i never really knew what Arnold was talking about in pumping iron i figured it was just the flexing.

after the gym i when home and sat on the couch i raised my arms stretching after a good long work out then it was new a electric pulse ran from my shoulder to my bicep it was euphoric and i keep pumping till it hurt.

i tried my right arm not as strong but the pulse was there, i flexed my legs i did a calf roll or two before i felt it.

i was so horny at my own pumping dear god it was like nothing i'd felt.

however the next morning i feel nothing and now after i finish my protein shake i'll hit the gym harder then ever i want that electric pulse that Real power

[GunMetalGrey88]

what motivates someone is always different and it changes all the time and i have to say there is one photo that has stayed in my memory the most the last six months of my transformation.

its this http://bp0.blogger.com/_FQaCDdht2S8/...600-h/e9b5.jpg

a picture of a muscle man , being worshiped by a beautiful girl, his posing trinks slipping around his muscle thighs and i decided this is what i want for me not the picture to be that picture and i guess this sounds so routine i figured i just share

[GunMetalGrey88]

i finally got some new pics up i figured as my 6 mounth middle set came into to play and i was home i figured why not i got to go though heres the link.


http://s288.photobucket.com/albums/l...unMetalGrey88/


enjoy or be disgusted

[omelissokomos]

Pretty big improvement from last year's pics, I'd say. Keep up the good work.

[GunMetalGrey88]

6 months actully that camera is weird with its clock

[AS2000]

You've been making awesome progress, man. Way to go. :)

[GunMetalGrey88]

ok so yesterday i was really down suicidel down and i felt like there was no tomorrow i had ran 7 miles that day not including job searching and when i got home i just feel into bed and hoped for my nightmare thoughts.

i awoke late this morning around 10 to my roomate asking why i was in bed so late.
to that i replyed your in bed ti'll 1 pm every day he just didn't expect me to sleep in cuz he was in need of a clock and i was working well up till that morning.
so i hopped in the shower and when i starting soaking myself over i was sore but not the whole bitchy so sore i can't move but i liked this pain i punched my pecs like tarzan and loved the pain.


after my shower i dressed and turned to find a belt when floop my pants hit the floor. i check the pants size 50 and i checked about 9 inches of extra waist space i walked around the apartment holding my cloths like bruce banner after a hulk out and i felt really good.

as i sit here i remeber the last conversation i had online last night.
i started talking to rairf who i find out is female but i didn't mind im not gay so far and she seemed to find me somewhat attractive.

and i know i hear this from guys like on a daily basis *holds head trying not to let it inflate* but from a female, a real female it really means something i was taken by her beauty but i guess a friend is as good as any.

but for the longest time i don't hate myself i love this mind set right now i just wish it was concrete.

i love all my loyal readers and if there is some who want to chat please speack up im always here, but really i shoulf be talking a leaf out of achillies book and spend all my time in the gym.

thank you all for reading i hope to make everyone including myself proud

[GunMetalGrey88]

well i went home after a fortnight away and my brother in law who's gay and very affectionate comes into my now guest room and hugs me around my waist no pants.....

he hugged me and said "omg gustave you lost alot more weight," i sat up and flexed my right arm, he felt and said "and bigger"

the next afternoon i checked out beefyfrat.com and found someone buff i messaged him and turns out he's gained 150 pounds and is kinda a blob now, but we got to talking and he wants to train me now and im willing , he wants to voice , cam ect when im ready but the fact that someone wants to train me of there own accord nothing known about me i guess im happy

heres a bit of the chat we had a big peace is missing cause we started voice chatting and he sounds so serious and sincear
well thats cool , well what could you each me ?
Ty : how to lift
Ty : how to unleash ureself
Ty : get outta ure own way
Gustave pelligan: how we going to do that ?
Ty : damn ure negative man
Ty : cya
Gustave pelligan: im not im asking really
Ty : getta cam and a mic
Ty : then chat
Gustave pelligan: i got cam
Ty : somatotype


Gustave pelligan: thanks i feel alot better talking to someone about building up it just always seemed like a fantasy
Ty: nope
Ty : i train guys all the time
Gustave pelligan: so how do i got good genetics from my ethnic back ground ?
Ty : good size genes man
Ty : hispanic
Ty: indian
Ty : both sides grow good
Ty : u ever seen a small somoan
Ty : asme thing
Ty: same^^
Ty: italian too
Gustave pelligan: yeah im tall too 6,8
Ty: ure 6'8??
Ty: later

[1bigwoof]

Gustave,

I'm glad to see that if you don't have an in-person workout partner, at least you now have an online trainer. I hope you'll pull an Achilles and really go all out. If this guy is knowledgeable and willing to share with you, it's a gift you shouldn't pass up. You've made great progress already....now, the sky is the limit. Good luck!

[GunMetalGrey88]

thanks bigwolf but to the thread readers a friend foodiste warned me of ty gutbuilders plans and is full of shit but i chatted and cammed with big wolf and i was really comfy with him like a dad or uncle and i feel so much better but doors open and close and i can only grip the knob harder and push harder

[GunMetalGrey88]

in my new apartment like anywhere the walls are bare unmotivation and well bare so i got a bunch more like all of my old muscle mags and clipped from them my favorite pics, Arnold, jay cutler, lee priest and several pictures of muscle men with woman draped over them.

i feel like robin willams in one hour photo the same people plaseted all over my walls like a shrine and it kinda is i love muscle and i keep the couples pictures right next to my head.

i also took the liberty of clipping the muscle foods and they now are in piles on my fridge witch my roommate was interested in cooking for me if i was willing to by the food stuffs.

seeing Arnold in his many different poses makes me happy as if he was actually here with me same thing with cutler.

i guess a girl would ether find it hot or not i mean......i dunno what im saying anymore in short i guess rather then 14 eyes of the guys i had in here before now i got a few hundred eyes and the longer im in that bed the longer there going to stare.

[Eager Muscle]

As long as you don't hear them talkin' to ya, Big G.


[COLOR="Red"]"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."
- Dorothy Parker

"Faces fall, but a bicep's forever."
- Eager Muscle

"A personal trainer is someone who works for your lunch money."
- Eager Muscle

"It's cheaper to embrace than replace."
- Eager Muscle

"People are now living long enough to be a disappointment to their children."
- Eager Muscle [/COLOR]

[COLOR="Red"]"Twenty years in Manhattan and I've yet to hear a cell phone conversation worth eavesdropping on."
- Eager Muscle [/COLOR]

[COLOR="Red"]"Just because someone owns a dog doesn't mean they're nice; it may mean only a dog can stand their company."
- Eager Muscle

"The worst part about chemo is getting mown down in the park by joggers wearing those yellow Live Strong bracelets."
- Eager Muscle

"Don't call someone out on their shit unless they're your friend."
- Eager Muscle

"Those that hate...masturbate."
- Eager Muscle

[/COLOR]

[GunMetalGrey88]

i feel the name gustave has been a huge trial and failure due to well its not my real name like the name i've been called by.

so from now on i'll be going by J and its in in refrance to my new idol Jay cutler.

so call me BJ : big jay or BlackJack lol.

my real name is Julio yes spanish i know But i i;ve always felt the ethic barrier with it so just call me BJ

[GunMetalGrey88]

I awoke this morning refreshed no nightmares or being paralyzed and helpless i awoke happily staring up at my wall collage at Arnold upside down.

cuz during my good sleep i somehow shifted to the opposite side of the bed, but whatever.

my favorite Arnold pic on the wall i have to say is this picture of his wide wide back and big muscled butt.

im not interested in ramming ass, but i want that back i want a girl to see me and see that in a speedo.

my morning routine is simple my phone alarm goes off and blood pumps to my brain as i search my room for it, but this morning it was on my dresser next to my head, i clear my phone and go back to sleep, then suddenly my alarm clock goes off great second security measure, i subcontiously want to scoot my butt out that door and work it off.

i returned from my run and work out to a nice hot shower,i sit in the tub as the hot water pours down on me as i think over the day.

yesterday i was called for a job interview today and my roomate formally dating a male model in mass is going out with a black gamer chick.

he goes about the most dick way too he asks me what movies are out now, i go through the list and i ask intrested he goes. "your not going i got a date just needed to see whats out"

it hurt him knowing it'd never had a date in my life but i neglect to mention it ,we can talk over dinner, to my pleasure he goes "once your in class and have bulked up the girls will be everywhere.

i dry off after my shower crossing into my room witch has been updated again to make room for my drawing desk i moved my bed flesh against the wall in the corner allowing the desk to sit in front of the window.

i sat down on my bed naked not looking at myself or my pecker but jay cutlers picture that decorates that wall.

i smile and lay back calm and happier then I'd been since i moved in i got an interview and my rent was going to be paid.

i guess in the end it was bound to start working out.

my roommate has taken to drinking more milk allowing me to train with him longer due to his constantly acking back at age 20.

[GunMetalGrey88]

In the end it all comes down to your family and the closet friends you keep.

Me and my roommate(whom everyone considers my mothers second son) were invited to my grandmothers 70th birthday party, at the party i saw again my youngest uncles new kids all three boys huge kids probably turn out bigger then me.

my aunt and her family where there and they were amazed with my change and wondered how i did it, they were amazed in awe of my dedication and i felt good.

on the drive home with my roommate i brought up the night before when we cuddled not in a gay way but as really close friends, i never got clarification before and it felt good to talk with him about our futures.

i'm still in the dark about it but he wants me to go on campus meet the girl population and some guys maybe just to experiment.

he loves his classes in psychology and he feels he might enter that field, i still don't know what i want to do for anything and i told him this i have no ambition to do anything i don't want to be rich , sometimes i don't even want to be happy.

he cleared up my situation i might not know what to do right now but he knows that I'll do the right thing make a greater choose for myself he says to go out body build win a contest or 2 and become a stronger person have a lot a lot of kids.

at this point tears began pouring i felt so happy that he was my best friend i cried on his shoulder in the car he said nothing more just held me close and played with my hair,happy to help and be a big brother.

[1bigwoof]

That's awesome, Big Jay. I'm glad that you've cleared the air and that you have someone who you know cares for you. Now....on to that bodybuilding!

[GunMetalGrey88]

i did my reweigh today and yesterday i went new cloths shopping and as i tried more and more cloths i smiled bigger and bigger i've gown from 3 to 5xl shirts to a nice long sleeved button shirt a single xl and pants from 55 to 40 size pants.

im so happy and yet i can't stop i can't stop getting new cloths or getting old ones taken in i guess my life is becoming days of taking in and stitching

[GunMetalGrey88]

well as a 20 year old male its amazing how i don't have my license but until this point i felt no need i felt i should use these legs and in several cases avoiding traffic I've gotten places much quicker then those who had to deal with traffic.

i dunno i had the same cut throat woman test me and failed be in less then 5 minutes it sucked next time i want a different instructor but maybe i should prove that i can meet her requirements i mean i know it will be had but woun't i bee a stronger and better driver for it.

[GunMetalGrey88]

well update time i started work yesterday, cleaning and what not as a start, but it feels good to be back at work, in the end thats the only way someone can keep there sanity constant doings with ones hands and mind.

i worked out this morning trying to integrate work with working out so far so good im just sore before i get to work lol and today is a sale of stereo speakers and the like.

i like that everyone refers to me as the work horse cuz really i'll only stand around for a few minutes at a time before i go get a black smudge of the tiled floor today i might mop.

the job isn't being a janitor they just had no one to train me that day so i was just the hulking maid.
unfortunately it looks like its time to wash up and head out but the pump is in my arms as i lift every plasma screen and useless gadget traded in so enjoy your day folks

[GunMetalGrey88]

i thought my day was complete when i was heading home and i had made friends with this guy i met in the mall, i arrive home down some ad vile and lay down on the couch and my roommate in forms me a pair of girls i had met on Sunday night (sho and steph) were coming to hang out.

as the life stories ended we began to do truth or dare, it ended with several hot sexy poses where the girls were on top of me and my roommate was down to his boxers for a few hours.

i even had the girls see my Arnold plastered walls and they liked me even more, i even took of my shirt for a dare and they enjoyed my shyness.

the night ended with both girls and me in my bed me hard as a rock as they played with my body my hair my face.


its was the most sexually thing i have done in my life and i can't wait to lose my pants lol

[GunMetalGrey88]

okay since my since my all girls sleep over the girls have been over every other day , just having fun, in a weird twist of fate my black girl friend sho was in need of a training partner for he little brother jojo. the other day i met with him at the gym for the first time he was a big boy really obese and wider then i had ever been, to him i must look like a bad guy the jerks of the gym.

we started with cardio getting to know each other and he's a straight lase kid looking to get into wrestling and football that good for his size.

i taught him so basic lifting strategies do a max 5 of a machine then cut it in half and do two reps of ten simple math stuff, also showed him the adjustments for most machines .

jojo is very willing to learn and im happy to be able to help someone his mother couldn't thank me enough when i was done with him he's a big gut but i still got things to go over with him like his goals and what not i guess thats for next time.

i see him again on Sunday and im hoping he wants to come back he has alot to lose but so does everyone.
see whi inspires him

[chocomus]

You're a nice guy, helping him like that

I see you're progressing and also getting some attention, How does it feels like?

[GunMetalGrey88]

it feels good i mean i sacrificed some of my time to teach but its good, my sister says i should become a personal trainer

[GunMetalGrey88]

sorry haven't been around works been breaking my back daily, and my neihbor moved so i don't got anymore internet at home, but really for the last week i've felt a deep sadness i've lost my best friend....

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by GunMetalGrey88

sorry haven't been around works been breaking my back daily, and my neihbor moved so i don't got anymore internet at home, but really for the last week i've felt a deep sadness i've lost my best friend....

Hang in there....we'll be here when you return. I hope you're lifting extra sessions in the interim!

[GunMetalGrey88]

its the opposite work has become so pressing on my back and knees ,im exhausted constantly and barely sleep if not dreams of paralyzes corrupt my dreams.

i awake gasping for air as if i was drowning with a iron chain around my neck.

i still add more and more to my walls hoping with every muscled body i scoth tape to my wall will be the one to get me out of this loop of nothing.

another stone in my way is the girls the friends that spent a fun night sharing my bed i bed them good night and it half past 1 thus i only have enough time to get the sleep i need .

so maybe they like for who i am and this is the point where i have to make some kind of sacrafice to preseve my body or my soul ?

please let me hear from my friends

[1bigwoof]

Your world is spinning out of control. Your life is different now that you are working. You can only go so many nights without decent sleep before it impacts all facets of your life.

Make a list......put the things you have to do in one column, want to do regularly in a second column, and then the things which would be fun to do occasionally in a third column. You need to make the #1 column things happen (e.g. eat, sleep, etc.). In column #2, you might have jogging and lifting. In column #3, perhaps, late nights with the ladies. Anyhow, set this up and make sure the things in column #3 don't impede you from doing the other columns. Get yourself organized and there still will be plenty of time for fun. Good luck~

[GunMetalGrey88]

i guess im just was really tired and internet starved so i dunno, but in any case i guess really i just need more time to ajust so says the scale im done 3 pounds or so but now im really just scarred about my heart and my eating habits.

in the darkness we find what were really missing not the light but something in the light , something invisable in the dark.

i guess life is going forward and i guess i just need to find something that really makes me truly happy and content with myself.

i suppose my world is spinning right into the sun.

i guess i just need the right anchors

[GunMetalGrey88]

i need something big to change in me soon before i lose my mind and take everything and throw it out the windo

[Ephemeral]

Keep at it J, I know you can reach that goal no matter what, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You know I'm rooting for you. Don't give up, we got your back on this

~Ephemeral~

[nnnrg]

J., you might want to google for "sleep disorder" and make some notes. There are sites with "sleep tests" where you can check things that disturb your sleep and see if they match to medical conditions.

I have narcolepsy, and the 'paralysis' thing is a common symptom for that.

There are sleep tests which can be done in an overnight clinic, but they are a bit pricey if you don't have good medical coverage.

[GunMetalGrey88]

thanks for your concerns in my darkest times but the other day i cried my eyes out for the first time in 10 years and my roommate shoulder was there to cry on and i felt so much better i've felt better since that moment and with this next week i want to re set my gym routine.

[GunMetalGrey88]

i awoke this morning to a great surprise my new friend curt caught me on my way to the gym and i asked on a whim if he wanted to go and to my amazement he did and thus we went to fort derrick rather then my gym and used there ymca ran lifted and did some ratchet ball.

we got to talking we leave each other to our own work outs and afterward i felt good a real lifting partner we chatted about the air force and i got interested ,the weight requirements heeded my idea of it but Curtis cheered me up he needed a dedicated work out partner and he wants to help me get light enough to enlist I'll never fight in a battle and be paid for vacation
i think this a new door opening and another closing maybe this is the right path maybe military is what i really needed to straighten out my life make sense of it become the stronger person i always wanted.

[Ephemeral]

Ill have to give this Curtis a handshake on behalf of me and you know who. J you can do great things xD

Hope this door your closing isnt a door I'm behind lol. Best of wishes as always!

~Ephemeral~

[GunMetalGrey88]

after work curtis called me and we hit the gym but today we hit the pool and i wasn't self hating i told curt he won't be self confident if i wasn't he wasn't as bad as me little fat around his chest and pecs but his beceps are nice and round im very turned on by him he's a great friend and great motivation for me to keep going .

we did about 15 20 laps and i look forward to working out again

[GunMetalGrey88]

okay i got my friend steph to take some pictures of me flexing here they are

http://s288.photobucket.com/albums/l...ingroom024.jpg

http://s288.photobucket.com/albums/l...ingroom025.jpg

http://s288.photobucket.com/albums/l...ingroom028.jpg

compared to this few

http://s288.photobucket.com/albums/l...eadshot012.jpg

http://s288.photobucket.com/albums/l...eadshot011.jpg

[nsco]

Hey man looks like youve definitely made some progress now just keep it up. Good luck!

[GunMetalGrey88]

my life has been alot of things and to many people it would seem easy but i don't know any life other than my own .

in the last few weeks i've been drowning in the dark weighing myself down i feel so pathetic

but my friend jordan has seen me in my ultimate despair and he still sees me as i am in the end friends are the best lifegaurds for the pit of despair

[GunMetalGrey88]

its been an isnae couple of weeks with work and i know im making bull look like gold but i haven't hit the gym and its effecting my mood and my home like its changed so much and i guess i need to pick up myself and stand stronger in the dawning light take the waves as they come.

the mood swing have made me horney angrey sad, and suisdal i've tried so much in these last few months.

and all the work i've been doing seems to become undone but my cloths are just as loose as before maybe im gaining muscle maybe im gaining fat i can't tell its driving me nuts.

i've found a routine planner on itunes so im going to go to my gym tomarrow reopen my account and get back in there quit all this bitching and find a girl and make her feel special

also i guess nows a good a time as any to update my pumping music list

a little piece of heaven A7X
rescue me : buck cherry
i don't care: fall out boy
no brakes : offspring

[GunMetalGrey88]

i've found out alot about myself after a 6 mile run and a nice long cry into my best friends shoulder i figured out im not bi gay or straight i have no intentions for sex i just love being worshipped for my body my complextion in short to be told what i am and how big or strong i am .

im still iffy on the idea of butt sex or any really but i guess when someone comes along who knows