Attention Hugely Muscled Guys.....

[Lifter73]

Hey, a question for you guys out there that are huge (pushing the scales at over 230 pounds or more....

Do you find it difficult to meet other guys whether they are big or not? Here's the story.. not too long ago I broke up with my other and have been off of the market. I have recently put myself back out there and it has been an eye opener. People that are either afraid to approach me, or guys that trip over their tongue and others that assume that I am some roided up monster and still afrad to approach me. (I'm actually a pretty nice guy, just not a pushover.)

So, I'm interested to hear the stories of other big guys that feel that being huge may be an obstacle in meeting other guys. Or is it an advantage?

I'd like to hear your storiies.

D

[arpeejay]

As one of the tongue trippers, I guess I have to ask:

Why is that kind of blushing enthusiasm / admiration a turn off? My guess is that if yougive them 5 minutes to get over it, they'll settle down.

Obviously, I have the reverse problem; BIG muscle guys never give (or gave, I no longer bother..) me the time of day.

xoxo

Richard

[wolfotehmoon]

Saaaaaame with RP. Even just meeting guys for friendship, bigger guys seem to have a height/weight filter or something where they barely notice I exist/ignore me until I'm practically screaming at them to get their attention. Are they? Maybe not. But it sure seems it. And that's if they look nice enough for me to approach.

Advice: you know the old saying, "A black man's gotta work twice as hard to get half as far?" Well, from my experience, a big guy's gotta work twice as hard to look modest and welcoming (especially if he doesn't naturally, whiiiich I'm going to assume you don't), because your default setting in most peoples' minds is "intimidating." That doesn't say anything about you personally (you could be a big, weak-as-fuck pacifist with an iPod full of Cher songs in your back pocket); it's hard-wired into us. The lion's more dangerous than the house cat.

[Geek2Jock]

I would agree, you practically have to go out of your way to be approachable in order to overcome the obvious intimidation factor of your stature. It is hard-wired into our psyche.

[Lifter73]

Very interesting, and predictable, responses

To reference RP, it isn't that I find blushing enthusiasm a turn off, what I am amazed at is on a few occasions I have encountered some guys that were totally ga-ga, and then became completely "strange" (for instance, one guy wanting to lick me in the locker room in the gym...that can get you hurt at the very least, not by me but that is something I am not into).

And maybe it is a case of like-attracts-like, although it is a shame that there is such a mindset out there that all huge muscle guys are unapproachable, aloof and intimidating . I know that there are those huge muscle guys out there that are intentionally that way, but I often wonder if this is a reaction due to past experiences?

But then again, I haven't seen any huge muscleguys respond to this thread either, and I'd still like to hear of their experiences.

So, huge muscle guys out there, what do you think?

D

[wolfotehmoon]

> Very interesting, and predictable, responses

>unapproachable, aloof and intimidating

I think you just made our point.

[Lifter73]

Originally Posted by wolfotehmoon

> Very interesting, and predictable, responses

>unapproachable, aloof and intimidating

I think you just made our point.

When I say predictable, I mean I knew these responses would be forthcoming as this is the OPINION of quite a few guys that have been given a snub by a much bigger guy.

And your point is your opinion, and your welcome to it.....I don't endorse or prove any of them.. I am seeking opinions, and thank you for yours.

Now, any big muscle guys want to chime in on this as well? It'd be interesting to hear your responses and opinions.

D

[arpeejay]

Originally Posted by Lifter73

Now, any big muscle guys want to chime in on this as well? It'd be interesting to hear your responses and opinions.

I'd be interested, too.

Of course, it's also the case that it's always seemed to me that muscular guys of any size tend to fixate on muscular guys bigger than they are. The guy who weighs 150 is interested in the guy who weighs 170, the guy who weigh 170 is interested in the guy who weighs 200, etc.

I've always thought, "Surely there's a limit?" A point at which there are NO available bigger guys.

It could just be, dear D, that you're at that point!

Of course, the other thing to keep in mind is that almost everyone complains about not liking to "make the first move," at least in real live social situations. I'll never forget the first time (after coming out) I went to a popular gay bar in Atlanta -- it seemed like the guys on one side of the room were all looking at the guys on the other side of the room, but everyone was too awkward to do anything about it.

"Great," I thought. "I'm back in 7th grade again, only now it's ALL nerdy boys instead of just half nerdy boys!"

D, come to Buffalo, and *I* will date you! I'm sure my husband will be quite intrigued by the idea!

xoxo

Richard

[Lifter73]

Originally Posted by arpeejay

I'd be interested, too.

Of course, it's also the case that it's always seemed to me that muscular guys of any size tend to fixate on muscular guys bigger than they are. The guy who weighs 150 is interested in the guy who weighs 170, the guy who weigh 170 is interested in the guy who weighs 200, etc.

I've always thought, "Surely there's a limit?" A point at which there are NO available bigger guys.

It could just be, dear D, that you're at that point!

Of course, the other thing to keep in mind is that almost everyone complains about not liking to "make the first move," at least in real live social situations. I'll never forget the first time (after coming out) I went to a popular gay bar in Atlanta -- it seemed like the guys on one side of the room were all looking at the guys on the other side of the room, but everyone was too awkward to do anything about it.

"Great," I thought. "I'm back in 7th grade again, only now it's ALL nerdy boys instead of just half nerdy boys!"

D, come to Buffalo, and *I* will date you! I'm sure my husband will be quite intrigued by the idea!

xoxo

Richard

You got it! And yes, you can tell your hubby that it is all in the name of "research"!

It is rather intriguing the responses I have gotten outside of this topic thread. Apparently some people have had very interesting experiences and interpreted my reactions as condescending. especially when I voice my opinion or rebuttal. I was on the debate team in college and so I am used to playing "Devil's Advocate", and my banter can border on confrontational, but I don't mean it that way. So, if you or anyone else took offense at my remarks I do understand. But I have to say how I feel (Miami has so much appeal...a GREAT PLACE to get a Seafood meal!... quoted from Golden Girls)

In any case, maybe you have a point about reaching a point. And it is a shame that guys both big and small carry the "baggage" around. If seems as if when one goes out, which I don't do often, you get the wallflowers, or the guys that act too silly to be taken seriously, or in some cases the guys that already have it in their minds they will get shot down.

D

[garrix]

I'm by no means that size (yet... heh) but I personally love meeting big dudes, and have no problem with introducing myself to a big guy and Im social. I'm just not intimidated by many people...And if they're a jerk to me, i'll just move on. haha. No one is going to beat you up for saying hi.... heheh.

[Lifter73]

This has been an interesting topic, to say the least.

I've had more PM's with opinions on this topic than those posted on the thread, both good and bad, from both sides of the coin of the smaller guys to the big muscle guys. And there's a definite pattern of strong feeling from both!

So many things come into play....rejection, feeling of inadequacy, bravado, and there is in some cases a sort of muscle "Glass Ceiling" in which yes, there are big muscle guys out there that will not consider being with or having an encounter with a smaller guy. But it also works the other way around as I had a message "I wouldn't ever consider a steroid freak..". And these are just a couple of messages I have received....Read received! I'm not saying I agree or disagree, just an observation of opinions.

And I'm still surprised not a lot of big muscle posted in this topic.

Interesting...

D

[ytrewq]

Well for some guys, it might be just general shyness. If heard some women described as being 'intimidatingly beautiful'. For some, they might be nervous around a big guy not because they could be mean, but because they are intimidatingly handsome in their eyes.

[DaBigGuy1]

Hey Drew/Lifter!

Still out and about I see!

Well, as for me I really don't know what to say. I am so fortunate to be with the most wonderful person and so glad that I am on the outside looking in.

From what I have been reading, it is still a case of getting past the outside to see what is on the inside. Big muscles do not last forever, looks fade and when they do it is just who we are that is left standing.

And so many of us, and yes I was guilty of the same thing when I was much younger, we are always looking for what someone has to offer us instead of what we have to offer. It is a lesson that I have learned and sometimes must remind myself of to this day.

So Drew, I hope that things work out for you. I know you and you are a terrific guy even if you are cursed with all of that huge muscle!

Ron III---III

[growingboy]

I guess the main problem is that I'm a reasonably big guy, 240+ lbs and 5'7, but I'm also quite shy. It seems to be that the guys I attract tend to be the over confident type that think nothing of approaching me and grabbing hold of my arms or chest, then again that's just gay bars for you. Conversation is a lost art with some. I'm just glad I'm off the market these days.

[arpeejay]

Originally Posted by growingboy

I guess the main problem is that I'm a reasonably big guy, 240+ lbs and 5'7, but I'm also quite shy. It seems to be that the guys I attract tend to be the over confident type that think nothing of approaching me and grabbing hold of my arms or chest, then again that's just gay bars for you. Conversation is a lost art with some. I'm just glad I'm off the market these days.

Yep, 240 @ 5'7 is reasonably big alright! :-)

xoxo

Richard

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by ytrewq

Well for some guys, it might be just general shyness. If heard some women described as being 'intimidatingly beautiful'. For some, they might be nervous around a big guy not because they could be mean, but because they are intimidatingly handsome in their eyes.

It is true that people, in general, gay or straight, act differently around very beautiful or handsome people.

When I was in graduate school, there was a classmate who paid his way through college by being a male model. He was about 6'1", had a chiseled jaw, dark eyebrows, dazzling smile, muscular, fit body, and a cocky affect. When he walked down the hall, people literally "walked into walls" because they were staring at him. He was friendly, in a superficial way. He "hung out" with the "cool" kids and always had a cocky smirk on his face.

Objectively, I guess he was no more self-centered or obnoxious than any of the other ambitious grad students. He seemed worse, to me, because his handsome appearance made me (and others) think that he would be more friendly, more generous and just "better" than other people in terms of being empathetic. He was very aware of the effect he had on other people, and was not above using his charm (smile, wink) to borrow people's supplies, books, or class notes. Professors, particularly the closeted gay ones (there were several, particularly since this was a school with a religious affiliation) went out of their way to find him internships and funding. The rest of us had to "get by" on merit, or grades or family connections or hard work or whatever.

It was a real lesson in how unfair life is. After graduation he got a job with a major firm in a major city, and was back on campus recruiting a few years later.

It takes all kinds to make a world.

[hulkoutlvr]

At 5'3, 138 pounds, I have had to face the fact that I will never be Mr. America, and will never be the masculine image of the beefy muscle guys that we all love and aspire to. What is frustrating, however, in the gay dating pool, is the "cute" reference. Guys are all the time referring to me as "cute", as if I'm a porcelin doll or something. A gay bodybuilder that I know is all the time saying what a "cute little guy" I am. That can be extremely frustrating, especially when my height has always been a major point of contention, probably due to the media induced concept that real men are "big and strong".

Finally, not long ago, I asked him to stop referring to me as "cute", because that's something you say to describe a poodle or Chinese silk throw pillows. Men are supposed to be described, if they are attractive as "handsome", "sexy", "alluring", "hot", etc. He then told me, "Well, you've got to rock whatcha got, and you've totally got the 'cute little gay guy' thing going."

That was insulting. I mean, who wants to get with a "cute little gay guy". Images of Beverly Leslie are coming to mind. I suppose there are problems on both ends of the spectrum, and I'm sure big guys have their problems as well. Still, being the "cute little gay guy" gets old, lol.

Oh well, at least I can shop in the children's department at major department stores and pay half the price of regular clothes.

[ytrewq]

Well, I've seen big guys I would call 'cute', but that's only because I and many others don't have the exact vocabulary to describe what we see. It's not 'cute' in the sense that a newborn baby or kitten is cute. It's more like a guy that can look masculine, but also warm, welcoming and a bit innocent. Hard to describe.

[Bull]

Interesting topic. I'm 6'3.5", 255, but with a gut right now. In the past, I was pretty firm at around 235. The reactions I would get ranged from the obnoxious "feelers" who think they have a right to put their hands all over you; the ones who were intimidated and therefore were rude to me; and the ones I really wanted: the "cute little guys" (though I would never call them that; how insensitive!) Those smaller guys who seem sweet are totally my type, and trying to get one of them to make eye contact, let alone speak to me, was like pulling teeth. I finally gave up, and that's one reason I'm not in such good shape now. (A surgery is another.)

Let's face it, we are all the walking wounded. No one grows up gay without developing some problems with self-esteem at the very least. Even the guys who seem arrogant are covering for something. It gets exhausting trying to wade through each other's neuroses, and I just couldn't do it any more.

[Lifter73]

Originally Posted by Bull

Interesting topic. I'm 6'3.5", 255, but with a gut right now. In the past, I was pretty firm at around 235. The reactions I would get ranged from the obnoxious "feelers" who think they have a right to put their hands all over you; the ones who were intimidated and therefore were rude to me; and the ones I really wanted: the "cute little guys" (though I would never call them that; how insensitive!) Those smaller guys who seem sweet are totally my type, and trying to get one of them to make eye contact, let alone speak to me, was like pulling teeth. I finally gave up, and that's one reason I'm not in such good shape now. (A surgery is another.)

Let's face it, we are all the walking wounded. No one grows up gay without developing some problems with self-esteem at the very least. Even the guys who seem arrogant are covering for something. It gets exhausting trying to wade through each other's neuroses, and I just couldn't do it any more.

Among one of the best opinions I have read so far on this topic, especially the part on the "walking wounded". Just from reading the posts I am reading a lot of, and have received a lot of replies that in the letters I can sense the frustration, anxiety and dare I say, hurt that is at the bottom of a lot of responses.
One that I found very positive was "garrix". I feel that his approach towards the situation is spot on, and you can just tell the difference between "cocky" and "self-assured".

In any case, all of the opinions and remarks, no matter what, are appreciated and I hope starts to open a dialog outside of this thread. Even emotionally, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

D

[arpeejay]

Yes, yes, and yes.

I've run across a lot of guys, including small ones, averaged sized ones, and huge ones, who seem to be really uptight about, well, mostly their masculinity, I guess. Which takes the form of "the other guy has to be...":

(a) As hot as I am...

(b) As built as I am...

(c) As big as I am...

(d) As butch as I am...

Or some combination thereof.

It's nice when guys (like Lifter73, yay!) are able to get beyond that and appreciate the other guy for who and what he is, not what you might want him to be. To some extent I still struggle with it.

Good conversation. Kudos to Lifter for bringing it up!

xoxo

Richard

[wolfotehmoon]

"you can just tell the difference between "cocky" and "self-assured"."

I wouldn't say that's too hard, considering there's a huge gap between cocky and self-assured, and if you're having trouble telling the difference, you're probably closer to "cocky." I hope that it really is just an intimidation issue for you, and that once that hump's gotten over, RP is right about what kinda guy you are. Good luck with that.

[arpeejay]

A slight change of topic...

If you want to read a really thorough "woe is me, why don't the big boys like me" pity fest, try this one on for size:

http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/showthread.php?t=4813

And, yeah, I'm not ashamed to say it's mine.

Just some perspective of the "you think YOU have it bad" variety! :-)

xoxo

Richard

who is in a much better place now...

[Lifter73]

Originally Posted by wolfotehmoon

"you can just tell the difference between "cocky" and "self-assured"."

I wouldn't say that's too hard, considering there's a huge gap between cocky and self-assured, and if you're having trouble telling the difference, you're probably closer to "cocky." I hope that it really is just an intimidation issue for you, and that once that hump's gotten over, RP is right about what kinda guy you are. Good luck with that.

Wolf, you gotta lighten up, it's just a conversation!

Of course most people can tell the difference between "cocky" and "self-assured", unless theere is a developmental issue that keeps one from doing that.

Intimidation is not an issue for me, it seems as if it is an issue for others, however.

I'm curious.....have you ever been shot down by a big muscle guy? You''re wishing me, "Good Luck With That", when luck is not needed....it is all about just being and getting on with life. I have no worries with that and no real axes to grind. BUT, I am always curious about people's responses. Negative ones always intrigue me as there is always an underlying issue in those.

So, let's talk....

D

[b.spencer]

This is a very interesting topic (got another 15 pounds before I break 230 again, only this time muscled, not fat). I am at this awkward place where i am way too big for the "normal" build guys, but not up the the "big" guys size range yet. Or at least it seems it. I get along GREAT with huge guys, as long as they are straight. Totally approachable, good friends, good lifting buds. But with really big gay guys, its like hitting a brick wall sometimes, and i do not know why. The 'normals' tho are getting to be the same as you bigger guys experience. Believe it or not, i have even been dumped by two normal guys, when they saw that i looked like before i started lifting.

But, i really do see what you are saying lifter, Drew, Ron. It seems like for every pound i put on, the more and more intimidated or anxious or just plain scared so many guys are to even speak to me. One guy really said to me later, "I would have spoken to you a long time ago, but i thought you'd bear the hell out of me like Matthew Shepherd or something." Even some friends who were close when was smaller, are more and more standoff-ish as i make gains. Asking me, "when will it EVER be enough?" and they cannot understand when i tell them it will never be enough, i will go as long and as far as i can.

Then there are the others who come up and, politely nor not, just want to feel me up. While it is flattering and it can be fun with the right guy in the right place, like being licked in the gym, a lot of places its just appropriate.

[DaBigGuy1]

Originally Posted by wolfotehmoon

"you can just tell the difference between "cocky" and "self-assured"."

I wouldn't say that's too hard, considering there's a huge gap between cocky and self-assured, and if you're having trouble telling the difference, you're probably closer to "cocky." I hope that it really is just an intimidation issue for you, and that once that hump's gotten over, RP is right about what kinda guy you are. Good luck with that.

Nah, gotta go with RP and my experience after having met him/Drew. "Lifter" is one of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet, bar none. You'd have to sit down with this guy to really know what he's about. I just hope that whatever happens that he finds what he is looking for, or better yet patch it up with you-know-who. They made a great couple....

Ron III---III

[DaBigGuy1]

Originally Posted by b.spencer

This is a very interesting topic (got another 15 pounds before I break 230 again, only this time muscled, not fat). I am at this awkward place where i am way too big for the "normal" build guys, but not up the the "big" guys size range yet. Or at least it seems it. I get along GREAT with huge guys, as long as they are straight. Totally approachable, good friends, good lifting buds. But with really big gay guys, its like hitting a brick wall sometimes, and i do not know why. The 'normals' tho are getting to be the same as you bigger guys experience. Believe it or not, i have even been dumped by two normal guys, when they saw that i looked like before i started lifting.

But, i really do see what you are saying lifter, Drew, Ron. It seems like for every pound i put on, the more and more intimidated or anxious or just plain scared so many guys are to even speak to me. One guy really said to me later, "I would have spoken to you a long time ago, but i thought you'd bear the hell out of me like Matthew Shepherd or something." Even some friends who were close when was smaller, are more and more standoff-ish as i make gains. Asking me, "when will it EVER be enough?" and they cannot understand when i tell them it will never be enough, i will go as long and as far as i can.

Then there are the others who come up and, politely nor not, just want to feel me up. While it is flattering and it can be fun with the right guy in the right place, like being licked in the gym, a lot of places its just appropriate.

b.spencer, HOW THE HECK ARE YOU!?!?!

Good to see your post, I REALLY owe you an email! Want to see how you have been doing and how's the training going?

You know, I can remember a couple of old friends that, when I did start to get bigger, the comments started to go from, "man, you look great!" to "how much bigger do you want to get?", to "you don't need to get any bigger.". And I was watching a documentary once where they did interview this guy who played Hercules or some character at Disney, and he was discussing how he wanted to get much bigger but he was finding out that "the bigger I get, the more people do not like my physique, but that is where U want to take it". So, I guess in many ways gaining a lot of muscle size can be polarizing.

And BTW, b.spencer, to me being a member of "The 200 Club" does make you a big guy in my opinion.


Ron III---III

[b.spencer]

Originally Posted by DaBigGuy1

b.spencer, HOW THE HECK ARE YOU!?!?!

Good to see your post, I REALLY owe you an email! Want to see how you have been doing and how's the training going?

Ron III---III

Thanks BIG MAN!!! I am hip deep in writing my dissertation at the moment. Only 2 semesters to go before the PhD is done. But, i am putting in the laptop hours and very few hours in the real world or online. A lot of people are wondering if i am still alive.

Getting ready to go into bulking season training. PhD or no, nothing comes before lifting, LOL. Making some solid strength gains of late with some 'old fashioned' hard ass workouts. With my body that usually comes before a muscle growth spurt. I hope so.

[cozman]

Originally Posted by Bull

Interesting topic. I'm 6'3.5", 255, but with a gut right now. In the past, I was pretty firm at around 235. The reactions I would get ranged from the obnoxious "feelers" who think they have a right to put their hands all over you; the ones who were intimidated and therefore were rude to me; and the ones I really wanted: the "cute little guys" (though I would never call them that; how insensitive!) Those smaller guys who seem sweet are totally my type, and trying to get one of them to make eye contact, let alone speak to me, was like pulling teeth. I finally gave up, and that's one reason I'm not in such good shape now. (A surgery is another.)

Let's face it, we are all the walking wounded. No one grows up gay without developing some problems with self-esteem at the very least. Even the guys who seem arrogant are covering for something. It gets exhausting trying to wade through each other's neuroses, and I just couldn't do it any more.

Have YOU ever approached small guys? I mean, I wouldn't think that big muscle guys would be intimidated by smaller men. And, if you have, what were the results?

[Mad Dog]

To all the big guys in this topic, if a big guy approached me and was nice and warm and interested, I'd just about die with happiness.

[hulkoutlvr]

Lifter, I know I've said this before, but it bears repeating. . .

You are a fabulous guy!

You don't have a gay single twin brother do you, lol?

[garrix]

Originally Posted by DaBigGuy1

....From what I have been reading, it is still a case of getting past the outside to see what is on the inside. Big muscles do not last forever, looks fade and when they do it is just who we are that is left standing.

And so many of us, and yes I was guilty of the same thing when I was much younger, we are always looking for what someone has to offer us instead of what we have to offer. It is a lesson that I have learned and sometimes must remind myself of to this day.

[emphasis mine]

thats a really, really thoughtful post big guy I really like what you wrote, shows a lot of wisdom. I'll be thinking about that for a while.

Originally Posted by Bull

Let's face it, we are all the walking wounded. No one grows up gay without developing some problems with self-esteem at the very least. Even the guys who seem arrogant are covering for something. It gets exhausting trying to wade through each other's neuroses, and I just couldn't do it any more.

Yep! this deserves repeating. Ive met these big, buff, total studs and they are completely insecure! (im not talking about anyone on the forum, though there are some big buff dudes here too...) This one guy I've met is convinced his neck is too small, or that his proportions parent right here or there... its nuts, the dude is a beast, and yet he still has bigerexia. He's insecure about his appearance ( even though he's really handsome too), yet i would happily look like him any day.

And on the opposite end of the spectrum: I too have found that the cockiest guys are just over-compensating for some self-esteem issue.

I think the difference between cocky and self-assured is fear. Someone who is self-assured isnt going to be as afraid of rejection, and they're not going to put on a show. Someone who's cocky will overcompensate in fear of rejection. Thats my 2 cents.

[Lifter73]

Thanks to all and HUGS!

I went out tonight and figured I needed a breath of fresh air after being at my office all day.

I went to the local watering hole, a nice gay bar, slightly upscale and really nice dance floor. I sit down, order my drink and just sit there talking to the bartender. During this time I am animated, talkative and just enjoying myself.

Then, out the corner of my eye I see three guys, average build, talking amongst themselves as one of them makes a gesture of a flexing bicep while the other two chuckle. I have a slight chuckle about it myself. So, a few moments later one of them walk over and says hello, and I say hello back. The guy then says to me "how big are those guns anyway?" I tell him they are 22 inchers, and he says "wow! could you flex a bi for me?". So I do, and he then immediately grabs it and says "wow, that is HARD! I bet you get hard like this all over (wink!). I just smile and nod. He then tells me his name and his life story, and then he started talking about a guy he recently broke up with that was a "Roid-Boy", and that he could not "keep it up", and how he thought "all of that muscle is a waste". I then asked him why did he go with him in the first place, and more importantly why is he telling me this story? And he said "I don't know, but you're hot!". I thought to myself "what the hell????", and I excused myself and went back to my drink. Now, I have no idea what his motivation was, but I know that he was borderline rude, and he was what I call "nice-nasty". He did get brushed off, but only after he made an ass of himself.

In all fairness, the bartender then comes back over and tells me that the guy is a regular, and a regular jerk sometimes. So, the bartender and I talk some more and, lo and behold, we have a date this week for dinner and a movie. The bartender is not a big muscle guy, does not have overly bulging muscles on him, but he is so nice and genuine, even among that crowd he posesses a good spirit that I find so attractive. Any neurosis? I'll find out this week! LOL!

And was there any other big muscle in the bar? Just one other guy that gave off such a vibe that even I would not approach him even though he had given me the eye!

So, all in all it was interesting just to observe all the behaviors and it made for a fun evening.

D

[Geek2Jock]

I've always said of myself that while viscerally my ideal match would be well-muscled, in my experience that person with whom you connect personally and grows into a relation begins to change your preconceived ideal into something he or she already is. Scoping for a particular appearance type is just the mechanism and I think in the gay culture that has become the end-all of the 'relationship' - let me amend that, it's much the same way in the straight culture too (who's slept with whom).

[hulkoutlvr]

Good for you, Lifter!! The truth is, even though I love big muscled guys, I am a bit intimidated (not because of their size, but because of my own, insecurity I guess) about approaching them. And of course they're not going to approach me. However, if someone introduces me to a bodybuilder, I can absolutely charm the pants off of them. I just have trouble breaking the ice. But congrats on the upcoming date. That's awesome!

[Mad Dog]

Oh gosh, Lifter, you certainly handled that with more grace than I would have~

[anpuZA]

Okay so now i feel like a complete prat. Really. I react to muscled guys more or less in that very crude and superficial way. I go completely gaga. Really. The strange thing is I'm not a shallow person. Really...muscle, for some reason, just turns on the inner primal thingamajigger switch. (Yes I have in the past wanted to explore every inch of a hot guy with my tongue.) However...that is mostly my internal reaction (unless ive had something to drink), externally I just completely clam up and evade them like they have the plague or something. Mostly, I think, my reaction is because I feel that I don't have the "right" to even consider such a "pairing (in the platonic sense)". And mostly because if the guy is str8 I might end up answering several questions I have about faith, religion and the afterlife.


In any case I have in the past allowed my better judgement to be clouded by the load of bull crap that is shoved daily down our throats by the powers that be. And that is that for some strange reason I always assumed, big muscular guys are superficial, intellectually challenged and so narcisstic that unless you happen to be dressed in a mirror costume they'll hardly even notice you. And I'm happy to say I've been proven wrong... the only problem is the guy that rocked my world was str8. Ofcourse I fell for him hook line and sinker but what the hell, he danced with me in one of the local clubs and he could actually pick me up (bodily and that is quite a feat). And he was kind and he was intelligent. And he let me live , in fact he said that he would never hurt me. Ofcourse that was it for me, cue the music from Titanic and pan for effect. (Okay so we had a few drinks, but arent we all allowed to be a bit silly once in while.)

Anyway the point to my story (if indeed there is) is that we all suffer from stereotyping, and sometimes the way people act (like grabbing your flexed biceps) is in a sense how they've been "taught" to act by their immediate society / milleau (instant gratification?), my preconceptions were adjusted by the actions of a 2m tall "muscular" rugby player who takes people at face value. So what I'm trying to say is maybe the change should come from you, like maybe you should've told the guy okay Ill flex but no grabbing! I'm not blaming you... it's just a question of what we allow people to do and what not.

[Lifter73]

Originally Posted by anpuZA

Okay so now i feel like a complete prat. Really. I react to muscled guys more or less in that very crude and superficial way. I go completely gaga. Really. The strange thing is I'm not a shallow person. Really...muscle, for some reason, just turns on the inner primal thingamajigger switch. (Yes I have in the past wanted to explore every inch of a hot guy with my tongue.) However...that is mostly my internal reaction (unless ive had something to drink), externally I just completely clam up and evade them like they have the plague or something. Mostly, I think, my reaction is because I feel that I don't have the "right" to even consider such a "pairing (in the platonic sense)". And mostly because if the guy is str8 I might end up answering several questions I have about faith, religion and the afterlife.


In any case I have in the past allowed my better judgement to be clouded by the load of bull crap that is shoved daily down our throats by the powers that be. And that is that for some strange reason I always assumed, big muscular guys are superficial, intellectually challenged and so narcisstic that unless you happen to be dressed in a mirror costume they'll hardly even notice you. And I'm happy to say I've been proven wrong... the only problem is the guy that rocked my world was str8. Ofcourse I fell for him hook line and sinker but what the hell, he danced with me in one of the local clubs and he could actually pick me up (bodily and that is quite a feat). And he was kind and he was intelligent. And he let me live , in fact he said that he would never hurt me. Ofcourse that was it for me, cue the music from Titanic and pan for effect. (Okay so we had a few drinks, but arent we all allowed to be a bit silly once in while.)

Anyway the point to my story (if indeed there is) is that we all suffer from stereotyping, and sometimes the way people act (like grabbing your flexed biceps) is in a sense how they've been "taught" to act by their immediate society / milleau (instant gratification?), my preconceptions were adjusted by the actions of a 2m tall "muscular" rugby player who takes people at face value. So what I'm trying to say is maybe the change should come from you, like maybe you should've told the guy okay Ill flex but no grabbing! I'm not blaming you... it's just a question of what we allow people to do and what not.

Sounds like you had a VERY nice time, and what a good post that is food for thought.

I did catch that last line about flexing but telling the guy "not to touch". Wel I guess I am old fashioned in that respect as I was always taught to not take such liberties...but then again, you are right in onespect as people touch people all the time, for instance a handshake, or sometimes when I am instructing someone or as a gesture I put a hand on their shoulder. All very innocent and innoculous.

However, I am still of the belief that people shoud control themselves to some degree. Grbbing the bicep, well, that is not too big of a deal but rude comments and the "attitude" are more off-putting.

So, sometimes it is damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Either way you are just DAMNED!

D

[Lifter73]

Originally Posted by Mad Dog

Oh gosh, Lifter, you certainly handled that with more grace than I would have~

Hey Mad Dog,

I had to handle it with grace. I could have easily done many things. and that was the beauty of it..... I could have but chose not to. Why bother?

D

[hulkoutlvr]

which proves you're one of the "good guys" Lifter. Speaking from the perspective of someone who has encountered a number of jack ass bodybuilders, I can't tell you how cool and refreshing that is. Perhaps my experiences come from the small-minded attitudes of the rural area I live in. For most guys where I live, muscles are tied to their sense of their own masculinity. To socialize (or God forbid, date) with a smaller guy would be an insult of the sense of alpha maleness they've worked so hard to build. It's so wonderful to see that their are guys like you out there.