Do You Ever Get Tired Of Being Gay?

[Stoneman]

I don't think that was depressing, Ohme, I think it was honest, and it's something that probably most of us on here have to contend with.

I don't know what the answer is. Being gay is hard.

[FuzzyKB]

[COLOR="DarkOrange"]
In my own case I can relate completely to the sentiments, yet at the same time I have a different take on the whole thing. I am not tired in any manner of being gay. I came out a great deal later than most, did the "double life" thing for a while and when I did "come out" I decided that I was going to change the world and did my time as an "activist" I wrote for the gay press, belonged to various political and social organizations, and, did everything I could to be a positive contribution to the community.

I grew up in and around Los Angeles and finally ended up near Palm Springs which for a time was an absolute gay mecca. When I left Los Angeles I was tired of the vast number of idiots and what I came to call "TFB's" (Trust Fund Babies) in the community. (TFB =Tons of money, no visible means of employment, and most spent money like water.) They seemed to spend all their time trying to get laid, were never satisfied with anybody or anything, and while preaching that they wanted relationships these same individuals did everything they could to bed individuals who were in monogamous relationships because they had already had everyone else.

In life, we face acceptance and rejection. In the gay community, a great deal of what we base our judgment on is physical appearance. If I really wanted a decent date I really never had any problems finding one, and for a time in my life I dated exclusively bodybuilders. I made a unique discovery in that not all bodybuilders want a guy that looks like they do. I was, at this time in my life, changing physically. As a young man in my 20's and 30's no matter what I ate, and what I lifted, it seemed nothing changed. About the time I hit 35 my body completely changed. All of a sudden I could gain muscle mass and weight. The main thing I tended to gain was more and more hair in more and more places. By the time I was 45, I had worked enough to get to about 180 pounds at 5'9" in height. At that time, and at that weight, I was about a 34 waist and just simply a furball. I had worn a full beard for years anyway, and all of a sudden I now fit a stereotype that was "in style".

If I had been disgusted before, I was totally flabbergasted when the same people who had rejected me now wanted me. The ONLY things that had changed were my weight, and a little muscle mass and definitely the fur quotient. I was still the same person inside, and this hurt. Were we so plastic that we based everything on physical appearance? Through the 1990's I dated my share of bodybuilders and one had been a very well established Colt Model. By the time he and I took up dating, we were both in our middle 40's. This fellow was a Tom of Finland drawing come to life. He was incredible both physically and as a person with only a few major flaws. The first was that the only time we ever made it anywhere on time was if I told him that we had to be at the destination 90 minutes earlier than was in truth the case. This fellow and I remain friends to this day, but the other thing that drove me to insanity was that this fellow had enough clothing to dress as all of the Village People, and anytime we went anywhere he could not make a decision as to what to wear. All of his shirts were custom tailored to show off his body which was very impressive. In his mid 40's he spent a great deal of time in the gym and still had a 30 inch waist. This guy in a pair of jeans was unreal, but, this gets really old after a while. Standing in his bedroom for 30 minutes to pick out a shirt that he could wear open during the Summer to show off the cleavage between his pecs the best? He had tons of cleavage, was tons of fun, never cheated on me and would become very defensive of me if some other individual tried to pick up on him while we were out together. He hated that, but, he loved to be stared at and with his body it was easy to do. In the later years of the 1990's, we simply drifted apart on a romantic basis. I still love this man in many ways, but there is no way I could live with him.

In 1999, totally by accident, I met a 6'5" New Mexico cowboy who was also somewhat of a "furball" tall and rangey, but surprise! surprise! he was the one that turned out to be "Mr. Right". We committed to each other at the stroke of midnight at the change of the New Year. (There was safety in that one in that neither of us could easily forget an anniversary.)

He moved in with me in the Palm Springs area of Southern California. All of a sudden we had people coming out of the woodwork to get in bed with one or both of us. We had once been active in the community and after constant attempts by multiple individuals to undermine a closed relationship, we simply "gave up" and divorced ourselves from the nightlife and community in general with the exception of a few valued friends.

I am not tired of being gay. It is a part of who I am though it is a small part of a much greater picture. I am very tired of a number of individuals who for reasons unknown have lost sight of reality. Their main focus appears to be the proverbial "hunt" and even if the person was centerfold material with the personality of gold in spite of professing relationship they torpedo themselves and find themselves back at the bar the next night.

When the opportunity happened my other half and I bought a horse ranch in the middle of the Southwestern New Mexico desert. After years of swearing I would never raise children I ended up with an abused Nephew in his late teens.

OK, it's a barbed wire fence not a pickett fence, it's a Ford Pickup not a Bimmer, and even though I came from a well to do family I do not miss the hustle and bustle of the City even slightly. I have some business to finish clearing out of California and I really do not miss the gay community at all. There are gay people in one of the nearby major cities, we really don't care. If they're not already friends we don't worry. In fact, I guess we must have some sort of weird sixth sense or something. A neighboring rancher came out to us and is now in his mid 40's and trying to accept himself for what he was all along.

A different take?

[/COLOR]

[Mdlftr]

FuzzyKB,
I appreciate your story, especially since you're "the real deal" and you're not trying to impress anyone with your accomplishments or romantic life (which sounds totally brag worthy, if people were counting!)

As a straight man, I have gay friends whom I've known for a long time. I know them in the context of either work relationships which have developed in to social friendships (we eat lunch together a few times every few months, and catch up on the mundaness of life in the 'burbs) or as long time friends who "came out" in their 40s.

I honestly think if more straight people knew people who were gay, and saw that they deal with the same issues as everyone ( relationships, jobs, having goals in life) that the whole "agita" about integrating gay people into the mainstream would become a moot issue. The media LOVES to fixate on the extreme, either gay or straight ("sisters of perpetual indulgence" versus Hugh Hefner) and it really skews peoples' perceptions of reality.

Mdlftr

[krims44]

[COLOR=white]@ ohme. Man you are not alone. Most of what you said is similar to my take although I never come out to anyone. I mainly keep to myself. On the other hand I think I like to have a woman sometime in my life. I just tend to look toward those muscle figures as well and well feel attracted.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=white] [/COLOR]
[COLOR=white]It is funny that some people mentioned the gay scene and how they are tired of it. I would like to meet a hunky fellow that could be at least somewhat attracted to me. One problem is that I don't like the bar scene or clubbing. So, I know that whoever I meet in a place like that is going to be more than likely into that entire scene and we are probably not going to relate at all. Unless of course the person is like me an against his better judgment went to a place like a club/bar hopping to find the same thing and we happened to get to each other out of all the other people. Can you say problematic?[/COLOR]
[COLOR=white] [/COLOR]
[COLOR=white]I know they mentioned here that gay people have always the same problems as straight people. Frankly it is hard to get past all the media perception about being gay. Let's face it, gay people are always or for the most part shown as happy, with great bodies, surrounded by the opposite sex, and well off. Damn skinny bitches. lol[/COLOR]

[Zap]

I was raised by a dad who was a marine. He pretty much raised my brothers and I the same way. Drilling it in to our heads to stay fit, stay sharp, and be tough - be a man who can take care of his wife and children... Well, yeah, too bad I won't be having any of those. I tried to stay in the closet, but it didn't exactly work out well. The only thing that kept me from going off my rocker was working out. At least then I could focus on that and not my problems.

But of course, I was could never keep a secret - I was raised not to tell all and be open. So I told my parents. I even told them I had a boyfriend. They practically disowned me right there and then. My brothers walked out of the room, my mom began bawing, and my dad took a few seconds to ready up his fist - so he could drive it through my gut. I never thought it was a big deal, mostly because all my other friends who were gay never had such a violent "coming out party". After that day, I was treated like the naughty child who should be locked in the basement. My dad would get up my brothers for the morning mandatory wake-up-work-out, but not me. Basically, I was excluded from the family, I was just there. Luckily, my boyfriend was 20 and had his own place, so I went to live with him to get away from them. If I didn't have a boyfriend and came out, I probably would've offed myself, to be honest. He's been my support system for quite some time and he still is.

After I moved out, they took a year to finally contact me. Ever since they contacted me, my relation with them gotten better. My dad treats me like he use to, but makes sure to not touch me - like I'm diseased. Two our of three of my brothers are on good terms with me, while the eldest one just waits for moments to throw a cheap shot me or "them damn gays". At least my mother is 100% normal, she even jumps to my defense when needed, so that's always good.

So to finally answer the thread's question - I'm tired of being gay. There wouldd be no friction or unneeded drama if I were straight... Even though everything would've been fine if I stayed in the closet. However, after being with a man, I knew I was gay - so I couldn't hold it in. It probably would've eaten me up inside if I kept it a secret any longer (one and half years was long enough). More power to the men who can stay in the closet or need to stay in the closet, they'll need it.

[beeflover2001]

This is a very interesting thread.

I agree with several posters here that if you let sexuality be your only defining characteristic, then yes, it can be tiring. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of existence. I think there's a difference in being tired of being gay, and tired of the "gay lifestyle" (whatever that is, although it's usually meant to indicate a hedonistic, promiscuous, selfish existence).

Personally, I like being homosexual -- being attracted to my own sex both physically and emotionally. (And while I have quite the muscle fetish, most of the guys I've been with have been bears or at least with a roll or two around the middle.)

[polomuscle]

Originally Posted by Stoneman

Because I know I sure do!

But seriously, do you?

FUCK NO
it is getting hotter and hotter all the time. esp. since i am now more muscled than i have ever been. i feel happy and empowered.

[hecad84]

Originally Posted by polomuscle

FUCK NO
it is getting hotter and hotter all the time. esp. since i am now more muscled than i have ever been. i feel happy and empowered.

Spoken like someone who equates being gay with how much sex one gets. Sad.