Want Me - 9

[Rowan]

Ch.1 | Ch.2 | Ch.3 | Ch.4 | Ch.5 | Ch.6 | Ch.7 | Ch.8

9

Stretched out on the bench, I tucked my arm beneath my head. Far above, wisps of ivory slid along a wide expanse of flawless blue. Spring sunlight kissed my skin, but a lingering winter chill still had me wearing a jacket.

But it was nice. Peaceful.

Even with April cooing as she sat cross-legged on the picnic table next to me, flipping through my notebook.

?These are spectacular, Joel. You should start submitting your work.?

My mouth curved into a faint smile. She never stopped with that. ?Be serious.?

?I am serious. Someday, students are going to read your stuff in the classes we?re taking right now.?

?For what? Lessons in how not to write??

She sighed, leaned over the table to slip the notebook in my bag. ?I?m going to make it my life?s mission to make you realize your talent, you hear that? Even if I have to nag you from the wheelchair next to you in our nursing home.?

I chuckled. In this life, April wasn?t just my friend. She was my best friend, and she was determined to stay that way.

She looked down into my eyes, hanging off the edge of the table. ?Although my newfound mission might get substantially harder if you flunk out of school.? She shook her head. ?How can someone so fabulously brilliant in writing and literature be so dense with math and science??

Academic probation. Had gotten the notice today. I think April had been more upset than I was. ?I wasn?t even good with English up until a while ago.?

?I remember. What happened? One day you just picked up a pen and... took off.?

My entire life spun away from me, but I couldn?t tell her that. ?Just finally had something to say, I guess.? I shrugged. ?I?ll sign up for a tutor or something tomorrow.?

?Today.?

My voice firmed. ?Tomorrow. I?ve decided to spend the rest of today right here, relaxing.?

?Hmm.? April softened, laying a little closer to me. ?That sounds like a good idea. I don?t think I?ve ever seen you this... laidback. It looks good on you.?

Reaching up, I tugged on a lock of her auburn hair. ?Why aren?t we dating?? I was only teasing, of course. I wasn?t attracted to her, and I didn?t think she was attracted to me. But I felt playful.

?Because the first week of our Freshman year, we decided we were better off friends. Besides, you are really, really dedicated to your abstinence thing, and I have needs.? She smiled down at me. ?But a lot of my girl friends are totally hot for you. Want me to set you up??

I rolled my eyes. ?Now, you know that no woman in her right mind even looks my way. Most of the time, I don?t even hit their line of sight.?

?Joel, you?re not that short.? Her hand slipped down, brushed the hair out of my eyes. I was growing it longer now; liked to hide my face. ?And you have no idea how sexy you are.?

I shot her a look, telling her I knew better.

She kept stroking my hair. ?One hundred percent forthright here. You?ve got that lean, rockstar body. You?re always sitting under some tree writing in your notebook and totally ignoring the outside world. You?re filled to the brim with classic, poetic angst. Trust me, you?re irresistible.?

My brow furrowed. ?Angst??

Her fingers caressed my forehead. ?Oh yeah. You ooze it. And that?s the key to every truly great, tragically beautiful romantic hero.?

That didn?t seem right. Why would any woman want a guy who didn?t do much more than mope around all day? ?Enough with the pep talk.?

?I am not peppy.? I leveled her with a steady gaze, and she broke. ?Alright, I?m peppy, but truthful. If you weren?t such a loner, you?d see it too. Of course, then you?d lose angst points, but you?ve got so many that I don?t think it would hurt your overall appeal.?

The smile returned to my lips. ?April, how can I be a loner when I?ve got you?? I chuckled. ?And Walker.?

She smiled back at me. ?You don?t sound so happy about that second part.?

?There?s no getting rid of Walker. I?ve learned that by now.? I arched my back, stretching before I settled down and got more comfortable. ?But he?s mellowed out over the last few months. Not so bad.?

?You two are so mismatched, I?m surprised you get along at all.?

The spiral inside of me spun ?round. Constant. Forever, probably. Walker?s big solution hadn?t worked. I knew he felt it too, because I?d caught him throwing up in the bathroom several times. He?d tried to play it off and blame it on partying too hard, but there was no denying that the spell was still going strong.

And although the teasing, touching, kissing continued on, he hadn?t invoked the spell since that night on the football field. Hadn?t pushed me into sex. And as long as I paid attention to him a little every day, he more or less let me live my life.

?We are mismatched,? I agreed softly. And I think Walker finally understood that. ?But, like I said, it?s not so bad.?

?You don?t find him a little... creepy??

Deja vu struck me. Hard. ?Why do you say that??

?I don?t know.? She went back to playing with my hair. ?Something about him.?

I raised an eyebrow. ?Are you really going to try and convince me you?re not hot for his body??

April stuck her tongue out at me. ?Shyeah. If he so much as looked at me, I?d be climbing him like Everest. But it?s raw sexual attraction, nothing more. And moot, to boot. He doesn?t really look at anyone. He?s a little like you that way.?

I tried to keep my next question casual. ?He doesn?t look at anyone? How do you know that??

?Rumors. I suppose he could be discreet about his sex life, but that seems unlikely, given his place in the social strata.?

Had Walker really been going without sex all this time? It was easy enough for me?I kept to myself and poured all that energy into my writing. But football season was over and I remembered how I?d been in that body. Going a week without getting laid had been inconceivable.

?You?re his roommate, Joel. Does he ever bring anyone back with him??

A soft, languid hum flowed out of me. ?You know what I want??

She tilted her head to the side. ?What??

?I want to take a nap.?

Her laughter floated around me. ?Going back to your room??

?No,? I said, my voice husky. ?I want to stay out here, and I want you to keep stroking my forehead just like you?re doing until I fall asleep. Do that for me??

Her fingers kept their soothing rhythm as genuine affection warmed her features. ?Sure. You deserve to have a nice...?

A shadow fell over us, blocking out the sun, and my mouth crooked. ?I knew it wouldn?t be that easy.? I turned my head, saw my cursed gypsy towering over us. ?Hello, Walker.?

He glared down at me, his fists clenched so tight that his arms shook with the force of it, that the tension in his muscles stretched his t-shirt taut over his heaving chest.

Rage.

My fragile serenity slipped away. Walker had never been angry with me. Not really. And I had no idea what had sparked this. ?What?s wrong??

His hard, dark gaze flicked to April?s hand, to April, and then back to me.

April squeaked, drew her hand away.

It didn?t help Walker?s mood at all. ?We?re going back to our room. Now.?

I pushed myself up into a sitting position. ?Why??

Tension radiated from his big body. ?I gotta talk to you.?

I thought about my blue sky, my wispy clouds. ?Can?t it wait until later??

?No.? He bent over, just slightly, just enough to bring attention to the fact that his shoulders were almost twice as broad as mine. ?Get up, Joel.?

Slowly, I got up.

?W-Wait,? said April, sliding to her feet. ?Shouldn?t you ask if Joel wants to go??

Surprise made me spin to look at her. Was I really so frail now that petite, book-toting women felt compelled to leap to my defense and face down football players?

Walker wasn?t impressed with her bravery. ?Oh, he wants to come with me.? His voice softened, brushed over my skin like black silk. ?Don?t you, Joel??

April met my gaze, watching expectantly.

My eyes closed a moment as the words twined around me. When I opened them again, I smiled warmly as I picked up my bag. ?He?s right. I really do want to go.?

Her lips parted. ?Joel...?

That pained confusion in her face made me realize something. Since that first day, so many months ago, Walker had only invoked this spell in front of another person three times. All three times, I?d somehow managed to achieve a bare moment of tranquility. All three times, I had been with April.

I realized something else, too.

Nothing had changed. I thought Walker and I had come to an understanding, but he still controlled every aspect of my life.

?Let?s get going, Joel,? he said.

I was still a dog on a short leash.

My hand tightened on the strap of my bag. ?One second.? Still smiling, I walked closer to April, knowing I was likely going to get killed for what I was about to do.

But if I was going to rebel, I might as well go all out.

My voice was low as I tugged on the collar of April?s little sweater vest, but I made sure that Walker could catch every word. ?You meant what you said before? You think I?m sexy??

She blinked down at me, nodded.

?Good.? I dropped my voice to a whisper he couldn?t hear. ?I don?t feel so guilty about doing this to you, then.?

?Joel?? she asked softly.

Grinning, I pushed myself up on my toes the extra inch I needed to capture her lips with mine. She tasted good, like berries, but that didn?t surprise me. She always had that stuff in her bag or purse. April gasped into my mouth, and I used the shock to make the kiss look more intimate than it was, dipping my tongue forward, teasing her until her hands fluttered up to my shoulders. For good measure, I slipped my hand to the small of her back, pulled her flush against me.

Her body molded to mine, she moaned, and I broke the kiss.

?See you next life, April,? I said, winking at her. ?Be sure to remember me.?

Dazed, she gave me a goofy smile. ?W-Will do.?

Turning around, I cast a sidelong glance way, way up at Walker as I strode past him. ?Words can?t describe how very much I want to go back to our room right now.?

His eyes narrowed, and his chestnut skin burned with more anger.

My mouth crooked as I headed toward the dorms.

Walker?s stride was longer, his legs more powerful, so he was out front in a matter of seconds. Couldn?t help myself from watching his back?it took up most of my field of vision?and it was a beautiful back.

That self-love thing again. Even knowing about it hadn?t helped me to get over it. And I tried, with a determination that now had me on academic probation.

The tight red t-shirt he wore wasn?t helping matters, either. Every muscle in that broad wall of a back was outlined, made more prominent by his tension, his anger. His traps, his lats, his rhomboids and delts... they rolled against each other with every step, fighting for supremacy.

One thing about being in my own body, I never got to fully appreciate how I looked from behind. The way that ass filled out those jeans... It was better than any poem I could write.

Walker?s irate voice cut through my musings.

?You kissed her.?

?I know what I did. I was there.?

A snarl rumbled out of his big body as he kept his gaze locked forward. ?I can?t... I can?t believe you kissed her!?

The muscles in his back swelled and rippled. I raised an eyebrow, wondering just how much of a show I?d get if I pushed him over the line.

Ah, hell, I was damned anyway.

?Really? That surprises me.?

?What the fuck is that supposed to mean?? he asked, finally looking down at me.

A small, trembling voice inside my head warned me against saying it. Cautioned that I was just giving in to the bitterness that I?d kept so carefully in check while the seasons changed around us. But there was no stopping this.

So I smiled, and ran with it.

?You?re always asking why my mouth tastes so sweet when I don?t eat much candy, don?t carry lip balm.? I gave a little backward nod. ?Well, she?s why.?

Walker stopped in his tracks, and all the anger vanished from his face to coalesce in his eyes. ?What??

I looked straight at the shelf of his pecs, then lifted my head. ?Oh yeah, you don?t think I?d buy that stuff on my own, do you? In fact.? I swept my thumb over my lips. ?Remember when Chad busted open my lip and you offered to put something on it? I said no, right?? I stepped closer, smiling into his eyes. ?I didn?t say no to her. She patched me up nicely.?

His jaw ticked and he spun away, stalking toward the dorms again. ?We?ll see how she feels about you in the next life.?

?I?m curious about that, myself,? I said blandly, sliding a hand into my pocket as I followed him. ?In the last life, I just told her how I much I appreciated her friendship. I spoke entirely in metaphor and simile, but it was enough to earn total dedication from her this time around. Now I?ve kissed her...? I clucked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. ?You think we?ll be a couple??

?There?s no way in hell you?ll be her boyfriend!? he shouted, so loudly that it drew stares from other students.

It scared me to the core. I?m not stupid. But I kept my face calm. I?d never been able to hurt Walker Cain, and if this was doing it, then any punishment was worth it. ?You?d know, I guess. You understand the spiral a lot better than I do.? My voice softened, just a little, as some real wistfulness crept in. ?If it did happen, though, I think I?d like it. She listens when I speak, she always tries to be honest. Being around her is so much easier than being around you.?

Walker didn?t answer, just strode faster.

So fast that I had trouble keeping up, stumbled.

?What?s the matter, Joel?? he gritted out. ?Too much man for you now? I thought you liked ?em tall.?

Breathing hard, I had no problem dishing as good as I got. ?From what I?ve read, the original Cain did quite a bit of walking himself when he was kicked out of his home. You probably need those long legs a lot more than I do.?

He threw open the door to the dorms, stormed through the lobby. ?Shut up.?

I grinned. ?Isn?t that my line??

Swearing viciously, he took the stairs three at a time. ?You want to try and keep up with me, Joel.?

Sighing, I pushed my smaller body as hard as I could.

He stalked into our room, prowled the space as I closed the door behind us.

I dropped my bag to the floor, leaned back against the wall as I caught my breath. Walker knocked one of his trophies off a shelf, breaking it to pieces, and my head tilted toward the ceiling.

Soft, exhausted laughter flowed out of me.

?What??

My shoulders shook. ?You?re about to wreck my life again, I?m about to miss being five-foot-four, and I feel more alive than I have in weeks.? I met his dark gaze, and more laughter spilled out of me. ?How sick is that??

?I can?t believe you kissed her.? His fingers uncurled as he stared at me. ?I can?t believe you?ve been kissing her all this time.?

My smile faded. I?d wanted to hurt him, and I had. But it hadn?t given me the satisfaction I?d expected. I thought that... I thought that knowing I was damned anyway would give me the freedom to do what I wanted, to revel in it. Instead, I felt empty, a little guilty.

I wasn?t Walker. I couldn?t see the world the way he did.

?I haven?t,? I admitted softly. ?Just now was the first time I?d ever kissed April, and I did it because I was angry with you.?

His hooded eyes lit into me. ?You?re just scared of me, trying to talk your way out of this.?

?Newsflash, Walker: I?m always scared of you.? I crossed my arms over my chest. ?But you saw the look on her face. She was mortified.?

His body went tight again. ?That wasn?t...? He swore loudly. ?She was giddy.?

?Trust me,? I said, shaking my head. ?I know her better than you do. She was just shocked.?

?I don?t believe you,? he muttered.

?You?re the liar, not me.?

His temper sparked to full life. ?I heard you! She?d called you sexy!?

I should have just let him believed what I?d originally intended. I could still let him believe that. It would be easier, and the end result would be the same.

It really burned, having a conscience. I don?t remember being that bothered by it in my first life. ?I took that out of context. April... she?s always trying to build up my self-esteem. She was spinning this line about her friends wanting me...?

Darkness swept into his expression, and I knew I shouldn?t have mentioned that part.

?Her friends want you?? he asked quietly, dangerously.

I didn?t answer.

?Unbelievable.? Walker began to prowl the room again, filling the space. ?When I was your size, I was lucky if I could get someone to tell me the time. But not you.? He looked at me, raised his hands. ?The world still loves Joel Beckett.?

Frowning, I straightened away from the wall. ?What did you just say??

?You fucking heard me.?

Comprehension seared my guilt away, brought my own anger blazing back. ?My god. You are just like your namesake.?

Walker stiffened. ?You don?t know what the hell you?re talking about.?

?Oh, I think I do.? I stared up at him, unable to believe I?d been so complacent for so long, that I ever thought Walker and I could... ?Cain and Abel give an offering, and god accepts Abel?s sacrifice, but not Cain?s. Cain can?t stand it. He can?t stand that Abel gets all that attention. So he kills his brother, so no one will pay attention to him any more.?

?Shut up,? said Walker.

I hit my palm against my chest. ?Thousands of years later, Walker Cain sees Joel Beckett living a blessed life and sees green. He tells himself that all he wants is Joel, that the life sucking spell he casts is a mistake, and he?s a master liar so he believes. He takes from Joel, little death by little death, until he has everything Joel?s ever had.?

?I said shut up!?

I took a step forward, kept telling the story. Preached it like it was gospel. ?Only it?s not enough. Walker Cain can?t be satisfied with owning Joel, body and soul. He has to make sure no one else wants him, either. Because it?s in his blood?that pure, cardinal sin. He has to make sure that Joel is dead to the world, so no one will pay attention to him... ever... again.?

?No!? roared Walker, with such force that my back thumped against the wall. ?You don?t know a goddam thing about me, Joel! I hate it when other people want you, but not because I?m jealous of the attention you get! Not because I covet your life. I hate it because as long as other people want you then you?ll never... you?ll never...? He growled in frustration, knocked more of his trophies off the shelves.

?Never, what?? I asked, my voice clipped, unsympathetic.

He looked daggers at me. ?When I saw you smiling up at that girl today... I could see the intimacy between you two.?

Back to this again. Bad enough that we were trapped in a spiral, Walker thought that way too. ?One kiss, that?s all. You know better than anyone I haven?t had sex with her.?

His mouth set into a hard, grim line. ?I guess I should believe that, since a narcissistic fuck like you couldn?t possibly get into it unless there was something to get out of it.?

My body went still as my eyes narrowed into slits. ?I?m done with you, Walker. No more hanging out, no more nice little strolls at midnight, no more falling into your body when you pull me in for a kiss.? I shook my head. ?From now on, everything we do together will happen only because you invoke that handy spell of yours.?

Walker clenched his fist. ?Joel??

I turned, started to open the door.

?You don?t want to leave me.?

My hand slipped from the knob. ?Let me go.?

?I can?t.?

?You want me, right? That?s all you ever wanted? That?s the story you?re sticking with.?

?Yes.?

Rounding on him, I swept my hand through the air between us. ?Look in the mirror, Walker. You are me, now. So why don?t you just go FUCK YOURSELF!?

Walker?s body started as his eyes widened. We stood there for countless seconds, staring at each other, as the whirlwind built between us.

And then he said them. Those words I despised so much.

?W-Want me.?

My foot slid forward, and I grit my teeth, trying to hold myself back. My hand knocked against a mug on my desk, and it shattered against the floor. I stared down at the jagged, broken pieces.

This was my life.

Dropping to my knees, I grabbed one of the bigger pieces.

?Joel... what are you doing?? he asked, easing toward me.

?I?m through with little deaths.? I brought the ceramic to my wrist. ?One step closer, and I?m going for the big one.?

?You don?t want to hurt yourself, Joel!?

My hand started to pull back, and I growled, pushing it forward again. ?I don?t want it, but I?ll sure as hell do it if I have to.?

Walker froze in place.

?You call me a narcissist, and maybe I am. But you had best wipe that self-righteousness off your face right now, Walker, because you are something much, much worse.? My hand shook, but I kept in place with my will, my power. ?You?re the one who cast a spell in some fucked up attempt to make me your lover??

?You are my lover.?

?No, Walker! Lovers love each other, you sick bastard!? The shaking spread to my whole body. ?You take my will, my emotions away from me and expect me to... I don?t even know who I am anymore.? I stared down at my wrist. ?I should at least have that, shouldn?t I? And if I don?t... then what?s the point?? My voice dropped to a whisper as the cool ceramic touched my skin. ?What?s the point??

?Want me, Joel!?

I paused, struggled to fight through it.

Walker dove forward, grabbed my wrist. ?You want to kiss my mouth.? He pulled me against his body. ?You want to lick my neck.? His hand cupped my face, as his lips went to my ear. ?You want to bite my nipples.? His thumb caressed my wrist. ?You want to drop the glass.? He nuzzled my hair. ?You want me inside of you.?

My body shuddered?it was too much, too intense. I couldn?t fight all the invocations... I couldn?t even keep track of them, and the broken glass slipped from my fingers, clattered to the floor.

?That?s it,? whispered Walker, drawing me to my feet. ?You want to stand up now.?

The intensity spun out of control, shredding me apart.

Kiss...
Lick...
Mouth...
Nipples...
Bite...
Neck...
Glass...
Drop...
Stand...
Want...

I cried out, clawed at his hard body as my own convulsed against him. Spasms racked my brain as I tried to do it all, but I couldn?t get to him fast enough, couldn?t keep the words straight in my mind.

?Joel!?

?It?s too much!? I buried my face into the valley of his pecs, screamed into his chest, yanking at his t-shirt with barely responsive hands. ?I want...? My muscles cramped. ?I want...?

Walker tore off his shirt, pulled me close. My mouth clamped onto his nipple; I bit down hard.

His hands slid to my ass, and he hiked me up. My legs wrapped around him; I licked a wet path up the cord of thick muscle up his neck. Blindly, desperately, I searched out his lips, caught his mouth because I wanted to kiss it more than I wanted air.

The hard, strong arms holding me tightened, and Walker?s chest heaved as I deepened the kiss, his pecs pushing me back with every breath even as I struggled to get closer.

I moaned when he pulled his head away, when he tangled his fingers in my hair.

?I?m sorry, Joel.?

My hands skimmed over his broad shoulders. ?Inside me.? They glided up his neck, cupped his face. ?Inside me.? My voice dropped to a whisper as I kissed him again and again. ?Inside...?

Walker closed his eyes, nodded.

And took us down the spiral.

[jsmith2300]

Rowan,

Another seriously good chapter! MAN, you are really churning them out lately AND it's still quality work. I can't thank you enough!

First, I like that Joel's found his voice in this chapter. He seemed - as April pointed out - relaxed and actually enjoying his life. His poetic take on his situation is really translating well in this chapter. I love that April noted his "angst" --- it's perfect, because Joel certainly has plenty. No more so than Walker, though, who slipped a bit this chapter. I LOVED how he was jealous of April; it's adorable and twisted all at the same time.

I was so pleased to see Joel did stand up to Walker! It was an interesting role reversal, actually, because for that brief second, Joel got back some of what he had lost before Walker reasserted his control. Joel was GREAT this chapter, really letting Walker have it and coming up with a great retort to all of Walker's comments. It was MUCH fun to read!

Another great chapter. Again, I can't say enough good things about this story. I'm so glad that you decided to try your hand at muscle theft. It's definitely been a success!

--JSmith

[omelissokomos]

Well...

dayum.

[bobman]

Speechless.

[skumbum]

Originally Posted by jsmith2300

I'm so glad that you decided to try your hand at muscle theft. It's definitely been a success!

. Yup

[arpeejay]

A few thoughts:

(1) Walker needs to join a 12-step program. "Hi, I'm Walker, and I'm a Vampire."

(2) Unfortunately, as with all Vampires, Walker's cravings can never be satisfied.

(3) I'm reminded of "The Incredible Shrinking Man," who was played by Grant Williams, not (as I was thinking) Alan Ladd, who at 5'5, was just about the same size as Joel. Which would have been entertaining synchronicity (had it been true...)

I can't really imagine where you'll go next but -- as is everyone else -- I'm eager to go there.

xoxo

Richard

[greedycigarson]

Yay. Awesome.

[DonnieJvilleNC]

Rowan,
You just keep sending me further and further over the edge. Words cannot convey what I felt after reading this chapter!

Whew!

[Ender]

[COLOR=darkslategray]Hmm, I hadn't thought about jealousy, but factoring that in I think I understand a lot more about both Joel and Walker... and what went wrong in the spell and why Walker can't see the truth... and a possible way out for Joel if the rules in this universe will permit it. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=darkslategray]At the start of the story both Joel and Walker are narcissists but their ways of relating to the world are polar opposites… Joel focuses on the positive and Walker on the negative… Even as Walker strips him of the “good things” in his life, Joel like Job (I hate add Biblical references to something that is already full of them…) deals with it and goes on with life… Like I said earlier Joel will be a survivor regardless of what Walker takes from him. Walker’s focus is on how unfairly the world has and does treat him. Yes Walker is envious of Joel and his life but he is too wrapped up in his narcissistic little world to see that the real difference between Joel and himself is that rather than accepting the way thing are, like Joel does, Walker lets it rankle him and allows it to fester and poison him. Walker wants Joel life… To be loved and admired by everyone (even Walker himself) the way Joel is; but he is too in love with himself and his pain. This keeps him from understand that the reason Joel has the life his does is his general positive attitude and his negative view is why he is so miserable.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=darkslategray]As Joel, bit by bit, loses his comfortable life to Walker he comes to realize just how great his life was but he stays positive and moves on with his “new” life. And as Walker takes on Joel’s former role as “big man on campus,” Walker continues to feel empty and envious of Joel relationship with the world. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=darkslategray]Which is where I think the spell went wrong… Walker wanted to be “happy” and the way he saw it Joel was “happy” in his life. In some mix of envy, self-hatred, desire, denial and other irrational feelings Walker comes to the mistaken idea that he “wanted” Joel as a lover, the truth was closer to he wanted to have the “happy, healthy” sort of life that Joel was leading. Wanting to “be” Joel was something his own twisted self-love couldn’t accept so he decided he loved Joel and wanted Joel to “want” him in the same way that he wanted Joel. That’s where Walker goofed, up the only way for Joel to want Walker in the same twisted way that Walker wanted Joel was for Joel to actually become Walker and Walker Joel. So far Walker has taken the trappings of Joel’s life but Joel has remained his own person. I will also suggest that Joel and Walker have already swap a lot of behaviors although the motivation and out come has been followed true. People still like Joel and think Walker is creepy.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=darkslategray]My prediction is that Joel is not going to get shorter… [/COLOR]

[COLOR=darkslategray]And I'll keep my guess about the escape clause to myself...[/COLOR]
[COLOR=#2f4f4f][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#2f4f4f]Ender[/COLOR]
[COLOR=#2f4f4f][/COLOR]

[Bull]

Great analysis, Ender. I would add though that Walker's negativity is a product of the circumstances into which he was born, as is true of Joel's positive outlook. Who wouldn't be positive, given every advantage that Joel had lavished upon him by fate? And who wouldn't be negative, given Walker's situation? What I think is interesting is that neither is changing in their fundamental nature, now that their situations are reversed. Which just goes to show that once character is established, it rarely, if ever, changes. Look at all the bodybuilders who create these magnificent physiques, even become famous for it, and still have miserable, screwed-up lives, because inside, they remain the same.

On thing that I think is just amazing about the writing here is, the character's voices are changing as thier bodies and circumstances change. We are now hearing Joel express himself with an eloquence and self-knowledge not possible to him before, while as Walker becomes more physical he becomes less articulate. And yet, their essential characters remain the same. That is first-rate.

[Elcaro]

At first, I hated this as I usually do all muscle-drain stories (usually so tragically sad), but now this is simply another Rowan masterpiece.


Is there a reason April has that name, and her effect on Joel? Just curious.

[jsmith2300]

Originally Posted by Bull

On thing that I think is just amazing about the writing here is, the character's voices are changing as thier bodies and circumstances change. We are now hearing Joel express himself with an eloquence and self-knowledge not possible to him before, while as Walker becomes more physical he becomes less articulate. And yet, their essential characters remain the same. That is first-rate.

Bull,

So true. It's absolutely amazing to me that Rowan's characters are staying true in that we can still recognize them despite the very extensive physical and emotional changes each has been through over the course of the story so far.

It's a testiment to Rowan's brilliance. Truly. I'm consistantly impressed.

--JSmith

[skumbum]

bump .

[Ender]

Originally Posted by Bull

Great analysis, Ender. I would add though that Walker's negativity is a product of the circumstances into which he was born, as is true of Joel's positive outlook. Who wouldn't be positive, given every advantage that Joel had lavished upon him by fate? And who wouldn't be negative, given Walker's situation? What I think is interesting is that neither is changing in their fundamental nature, now that their situations are reversed. Which just goes to show that once character is established, it rarely, if ever, changes. Look at all the bodybuilders who create these magnificent physiques, even become famous for it, and still have miserable, screwed-up lives, because inside, they remain the same.

On thing that I think is just amazing about the writing here is, the character's voices are changing as thier bodies and circumstances change. We are now hearing Joel express himself with an eloquence and self-knowledge not possible to him before, while as Walker becomes more physical he becomes less articulate. And yet, their essential characters remain the same. That is first-rate.

Personal view I don't think a "loving God" would condem anyone for the sins of their parents... so in my view Walker is responcable for himself alone... It is logical to figure that in his upbringing that he was lead to believe that the deck was stacked againt. And it would appear that Walker bought in to it... But now the deck is stacked for him and again Joel, and Walker is still believes that he is the one being slighted by the world and his isolation and pain he feels are created by other and not, as they truly are, araising from within himself... Not seeing this will be what condems Walker...

I figure the only thing Joel has left that Walker could take from him is "Joel's actual self" and the results of that are something Walker can't imagine...

Ender

[skumbum]

Originally Posted by skumbum

bump .

yes i agree

[jsmith2300]

Originally Posted by skumbum

yes i agree

skumbum, you CRACK me up!

.... and yes, I think we all agree that more Want Me = Good.

--JSmith

[skumbum]

omg give us another chapter before i hurt myself

[arpeejay]

Please, Rowan! Don't let Skumbum hurt himself!

xoxo

Richard

[robix702001]

Hi !
Any chance we might read the end of this wonderful story ?
I've been waiting for ages, but haven't seen anything ! What happened ?
Or did I miss it somewhere ?

I'm really eager to see what happens to Joel and Walker...

Rob

[skumbum]

I believe that certain people in certain threads may have made Rowan feel frustrated and unappreciated. But scan through the comments on this thread...

[arpeejay]

That's too bad, if so. I think the group, on the whole, has been extremely vocal in its appreciation of Rowan's abilities and contributions.

rpj

[robix702001]

Really too bad !No chance to change this ?
I personnally think his stories were amongst the best ones, and especially this one !
It's awfully frustrating to remain with this unfinished story !
Pleaaaaaase come back !

Rob

[redkage]

Well, for those of you who don't follow his newsletter, Rowan is currently busy doing revisions of his latest book. Not only that, I think he could use a break from his worshiping fans. NOT to be offensive, of course, but perhaps too many demands such as "continue this story!" or "Finish the next chapter soon, please!" may be a bit...stressful. Rowan is, after all, a professional writer so taking his precious time to write us a free chapter is more then generous.

According to his newsletter, as of April 1st, Rowan had been working on:


1) Finish second draft of Touching Fire: Paul's Dream.
2) Complete final chapters of One Good Verse.
3) Work on as of yet untitled short story about a mechanic who currently needs a name.
4) Start chapter 7 of The Jascian's Toy.
5) Write chapter 2 of Tales of the Novahn: Surrender.


However, his current schedule is still unknown. When he decides to post a new story or a continuing chapter, it'll be by his time and not ours, so I hope every one of you will understand. Even though I too wish to see a new story, I think we owe it to him to wait patiently for his return, and give him some free time for himself. After all, we ARE talking about the man who gave us 3 or 4 chapters of incredible literature on his own birthday, after all.

Hopefully, I didn't offend anyone with what I just said, and if I did, I'm really, REALLY sorry. I just thought I had to say something, even though I tried my best to be non-offensive.

-Red

[TheMM]

I can understand what you mean redkage. We do ask a lot of anyone here who does something; art, morphs, stories, etc. I'm just as guilty as a lot of other people here as well. I kinda feel bad about that sometimes, since this is the internet and you can't tell how people are feeling each day you never know how they may react to something you put on it.

Rowan's selflessness really should be an example for us all and come June 6th, my birthday, I'm going to do the same thing.

[Ender]

The way I read the posts here they are all supportive of Rowen and express our interest in his stories.... Different people show that interest and support in different ways

As for his absence here I'm hoping that Rowen had found something that a lot of us here are in need of.... "A Life in the Real World!"

Rowen will come back when and if he chooses to... Attempts to pressure him are likely the thing that caused him to take some time off...

I think it's safe to say that we all wish Rowen the best and hope he is happy what ever he is doing...

Ender

[Rowan]

lol. You guys are a trip. The truth is, I took a little break because of some digital drama, but that was resolved fairly quickly and I've been around. Hadn't realized I haven't posted/commented since *March,* though.

As RedKage said: been busy with revising. Swamped, actually, but I can finally (finally!) see the light at the end of the tunnel. Had to do some prioritizing to maintain my own sanity, however, and decided that the only two stories I can see myself finishing online are "Jascian's Toy" and "Davey's Destiny." And maybe Jonah, I still waffle on that one.

Decided to do something really, really fun with this story. Managed to finish it, and it turns out that chapter nine is around the halfway point. Because I thought it would be cool, I've invested my own cash into self-publishing it, meaning "Want Me" will be available in print. An insanely talented artist named Ulf has already done the cover art. To give you an idea, Ulf is the one who did the guy in my avatar.

I left "Want Me" here on a cliff hanger, which is way cruel, I'll admit. On the upside, it's probably the longest excerpt, hmm, ever. And since I don't intend to take these nine chapters down or post them anywhere else, it's an Evolution exclusive.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to returning to Blake & Gavin and Justin & Davey once things settle. If you're interested, I'll be unveiling a rough cover for "Want Me" in my newsletter sometime in the next couple of weeks. It's also a good place to go for updates on whatever I happen to be writing. It would rock if you signed up.

Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to check up on me during my absence. Yes, I'm alive. No, I'm not leaving. And yes, I do appreciate all of your support.

-- Rowan

[funboy]

Originally Posted by redkage

NOT to be offensive, of course, but perhaps too many demands such as "continue this story!" or "Finish the next chapter soon, please!" may be a bit...stressful. Rowan is, after all, a professional writer so taking his precious time to write us a free chapter is more then generous.

-Red

Not offensive Red - but neither should Rowan be offended by that kind of response. For most (if not all) it is not an attempt to pressure Rowan into “churning something out” - but rather simply a way of expressing how much they [we] are enjoying his story.

On another note - I think that possibly some of the fans can get too analytical during the course of the story. I think the deep analysis and discussion should be saved for when the story ends. Too much analysis while the story is being created can ruin it for the readers and for the writer. Movie directors and authors of books don't "submit" their creations for analysis during the creative phase. Should not be done here. Almost like trying to direct the reader how to interpret or the writer how to proceed.

If I have offended anyone I apologize. Just a personal opinion and not trying to "preach" about it.

LOL Rowan - love all your stories and wait patiently for your return.

Funboy

[ARCHEON]

Originally Posted by Rowan

Had to do some prioritizing to maintain my own sanity, however, and decided that the only two stories I can see myself finishing online are "Jascian's Toy" and "Davey's Destiny."

Bless you, Rowan. It's so nice to have you back where you belong. (Sound's like a song, doesn't it?)
A big thanks for also not "waffling" on Davey's Destiny! Can't wait for that one.
Cheers!

[blackbird]

Thank god I only stumbled onto the first chapter of this story on Monday. Its one of those stories I find myself thinking about the whole day, and anxious to come home to and read the next chapter. Like a fine wine or rich dessert, I was careful not to gulp it all down though, pacing myself with a chapter or 2 each night.

Obviously muscle theft stories get my motor running, but this one is so much more. I can think of dozens of compliments, but I'd just be reiterating what so many people have said already.

So now I'm also anxiously awaiting the next installment. I'm glad I haven't been stewing on it since March at least. Excellent work as usual Rowan!

[Rowan]

Okay, I just got this today and I'm so excited that I'm sharing it with everyone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5weROzTjyMA

As of now, "Want Me" looks like it'll be released this December. Yeah!

[willsheej]

Nice trailer. The only thing I think could have been improved is to have someone whisper "Want Me" when said words appear onscreen.


Problem is I'm now itching for a movie of Want Me. Would be hot to see two guys play the parts of Walker and Joel, and gradually switch. Would take vast amounts of special effects but would look uber hot!


Keep writing Rowan, who knows maybe I'll be able to rival your brilliance one day?

[skumbum]

Wow neat, man.

[TheMM]

Originally Posted by Rowan

Okay, I just got this today and I'm so excited that I'm sharing it with everyone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5weROzTjyMA

As of now, "Want Me" looks like it'll be released this December. Yeah!

Ooo! I think I'm going to support you in your MG (what else?) based endeavors and buy a copy myself. It'll be a Christmas present from me...to me.

P.S. Sorry about my comment in the "Jascian's Toy 7" thread.

[Rowan]

Originally Posted by willsheej

Nice trailer. The only thing I think could have been improved is to have someone whisper "Want Me" when said words appear onscreen.

I dunno... I'm still getting used to the idea of book trailers in general. Moving pictures and music to tease a novel. Doesn't quite match up. lol. Spoken word isn't a line I'm ready to cross just yet.

Keep writing Rowan, who knows maybe I'll be able to rival your brilliance one day?

It's not brilliance. Trust me. lol.

Originally Posted by skumbum

Wow neat, man.

Thanks, buddy.

Originally Posted by TheMM

Ooo! I think I'm going to support you in your MG (what else?) based endeavors and buy a copy myself. It'll be a Christmas present from me...to me.

P.S. Sorry about my comment in the "Jascian's Toy 7" thread.

haha. Thanks! And thanks for the thing about Jascian, too.

[jsmith2300]

Rowan,

Not sure where else to do this but here since I know you'll read it, but be warned: I'm about to go all fanboy on you.

I just received Want Me on Friday, and I've been reading like a demon. The story is AWESOME. Any fan of muscle growth or - even better - muscle theft needs to read the book. I'm about seven chapters in, and it's so easy to read that I didn't even notice I had made it that far in one sitting. I love both characters so far, and I'm nearly to the point where you left off here on the forum. I can't wait to read what happens next! I feel bad for Joel... but I'm digging Walker. How sick is that? Haha.

It's total hotness, Rowan. And I'm so glad I picked it up. Amazon even gave me a discount for ordering early (glad I did). But even so, it's at a really reasonable price. So --- Rowan fans --- go, buy, love. You will be SO glad you did. : )

--JSmith

[Anubis9653]

It's sad that Joel is getting everything taken from him. Will he find someway to reverse the spell to get all that was taken from him? Or at least to break the spell to keep Walker from taking more from him? As for your other stories, especially Jascian's Toy and Jonah's Giant, you write some good stuff man. Cliffhangers are good for keeping us wondering what happens to the characters and all, but do try not to leave us hanging for so long that we end up forgetting about them. Other than that, keep the good stuff cummin.

[funboy]

Originally Posted by Anubis9653

It's sad that Joel is getting everything taken from him. Will he find someway to reverse the spell to get all that was taken from him? Or at least to break the spell to keep Walker from taking more from him? As for your other stories, especially Jascian's Toy and Jonah's Giant, you write some good stuff man. Cliffhangers are good for keeping us wondering what happens to the characters and all, but do try not to leave us hanging for so long that we end up forgetting about them. Other than that, keep the good stuff cummin.

It's over guys - please stop posting. The last chapter was almost a year ago. No need to bring this back up in the top listings on the forum. And yes, it was an awesome story - but forget it. If Rowan wanted to continue, he would have done so a long time ago. Go check out his published works.

[jsmith2300]

Originally Posted by funboy

It's over guys - please stop posting. The last chapter was almost a year ago. No need to bring this back up in the top listings on the forum. And yes, it was an awesome story - but forget it. If Rowan wanted to continue, he would have done so a long time ago. Go check out his published works.

Um, funboy. Rowan DID finish Want Me. Rowan PUBLISHED Want Me. That's what I'm reading. It's for sale on Amazon and a variety of other major booksellers. Here's the link below ---

http://www.amazon.com/Want-Me-Rowan-...2663658&sr=8-1

It's not over. Read it. Enjoy! : )

- Public Service Announcement Over -

--JSmith

[Rowan]

Originally Posted by jsmith2300

just received Want Me on Friday, and I've been reading like a demon. The story is AWESOME. Any fan of muscle growth or - even better - muscle theft needs to read the book.
--JSmith

lol. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Anubis9653

Other than that, keep the good stuff cummin.

Will definitely try.

Originally Posted by funboy

It's over guys - please stop posting. The last chapter was almost a year ago. No need to bring this back up in the top listings on the forum. And yes, it was an awesome story - but forget it. If Rowan wanted to continue, he would have done so a long time ago. Go check out his published works.

Dude, that's not really for you to say, you know? I've left stories for over the year mark and come back to them. That's not the case with *this* one, because I wrote it through to the end and put it in print. But I'm not a prolific writer so it takes me a while to get a story down, and I can understand how that would be frustrating (I've had some of my own fave writers drop off the face of the earth **cough** Xyg **cough**). Still, if I'm the one writing, I should be the one to decide when it's over, yeah?

Thanks for the shoutout at the end, though.

Originally Posted by jsmith2300

It's for sale on Amazon and a variety of other major booksellers. Here's the link below ---

http://www.amazon.com/Want-Me-Rowan-...2663658&sr=8-1

It's not over. Read it. Enjoy! : )

Speaking of shoutouts... lol. Thanks again, man.

[willsheej]

I don't begrudge you publishing such a great story but living in the UK makes buying certain publications problematic, although I'm assuming you're American here. If the rest of the story isn't going to be posted on the site would it be possible for me to pay you directly for an ebook copy? Even if I could get a hold of a printed copy my situation doesn't really make having a story like Want Me hanging around the house possible, if you can understand.