Marco_ukmus BB Progress Log

[ethernet_jock]

oh and most whey shakes screw up my poop too...

EAS Myoplex in particular makes the worst gas...

Soy proteins seem to actually digest better for me but have other unfortuante effects (like bad taste and high price).

[hulkmuscle]

Strawberry Myoplex is like drinking melted chewing gum.

For me, with all my lactose intolerance and digestive problems, I like the Cytosport stuff: EvoPro(staright protein), Muscle Milk (protein with fat, few carbs) and Cytogainer (lactose-free).

I had done N-Large 2 and Scott's recommended Russian Bear (yikes that stuff was like Liquid Plummer!), but the Cytosport treats me the best and that's pretty much what i stick with.

As I try new ones, I'll let you know.

I also do Vitamin Shoope's Super Enzymes to help with the digestion issues.

[Marco_ukmus]

Oh My Fucking God! You guys just won't believe the conversation i've had with my mother! And she took it sooo well... WOW!

Anyway, first things first as always...

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Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

I know you have because you practically wrote the book on it.

Firstly, thanks a lot for your food and dietary suggestions. Just because i have researched lots of areas of the whole Body Building thing (effective exercises, diets, timing, form, supplements, roids), you must remember these have all been studied broadly, and hence i am by no means an expert in any of these areas, so I am therefore open to all suggestions. ~Having said that, I have already started doing some of the things you have suggested, e.g. eating hand fulls of peanuts and other natural foods high in protein. I will have to sort this tonight actually, since we're going shopping tomorrow for the week aheads food. So i'll post once i've decided on the new dietary plan. I can't say will get rid of supplements all together, but i really need to sort out my digestion system ASAP if im going to make the most of these roids.

Thanks for your suggests, Chris and Hulkmuscle. It's interesting to hear that others have had problems with protein supplements before, and hearing what works for them. This is Excellent info! Thanks guys for your input as always.

She just had to fucking ask... "Are you gay?"
Literally about an hour or so ago, my brother was not home since he had gone to pick his new work car up from the garage, and my mother and myself had just got in from work. Anyway, so she's there lying on her bed just resting as she usually does (her room obviously), and we are having our usual catch up from the day. Anyway, all of a sudden, out of the blue, she asks, "Are you gay?", I was thinking, where the hell did that come from. I said "Why do you ask?", she said "I'm just asking". So i said, "I can't believe you asked me that... anyway... I'm not gay, but i am confused". She said "humm, i thought so, only, both nan and i was wondering why we had not seen any girls you talk about", I said "Well, if you must know, I have only ever talked about one girl, Sarah... now, does she exist... No!". She like "I thought so". She was taking this amazingly well! I mean i am seriously not Gay, it's just that the muscle thing has some how srewed with my head and im simply confused. I said "I did not say anything about it before because you ahve a lot on your plate right now and, well, I thought you would not approve of one of your sons being gay, not that ofcourse i am... yet... and that does not mean i will be, im just confused." She said "I don't care what you are, your still my son and i still love you." I was like wow! I might have a shit family but my mum is nothing short of awesome. Anyway so the conversation goes on. I ask why she took this moment to ask, and she said it was one of those questions she has been meaning to ask me but had to wait the right oppotunity, like, now when no one else is home. I explained to her that i had kinda postponed finding out who i really am during my teens because of all the crap with my father of which she nodded and said she completely understood. Anyway, so we move on... She says "so these people in london, are they gay?", I said, "Yes they all are, and the clubs i go to are indeed gay clubs...". Can't believe she took this all so well. She said "i've always suspected you were gay", I said " How, I don't act at all gay, I act completely straight...", She said "Yes you do act straight, but these just always been something, even before the trouble with your father... I cant put my fingure on it, but there was always something different about you.". I said, thinking i may as well tell her everything, "Oh and the guys i know in london, they are all body builders...", She said "That does not surprise me in the least". It was like she knew everything but just did not have confirmation of it, and im simply baffled at how well she's taking it. She has not kicked me out the house, or started crying or any of that. instead she's shown affection and been supportive... WOW! is all i can say. Anyway, I did say "Well thats one of my huge secrets... The other one you have kinda already asked but did not use the right words, hence i was not lieing when you asked...", I went on... "Well, you know when you asked me if i was taking hormones... Well, I was not and am still not. but you should have used a more general word... steroids... I am taking steroids", she said, "I suspected you were... But all steroids are hormones... " I said, "No, things like testosterone are hormones, other things like deca, arn't, hence they fall under the more general term of steroids". Again, she was taking this sooo well. She said "Well, I guess this is the problem with asking questions... sometimes you hear things you don't want to hear... I am NOT happy with you taking them, but I can't stop you and its your life". She re-affired that she loved me no matter what. My mum is just amazing! I can't believe how well shes taking this and how kind she is being, not to mention supportive, although, obviously she does not support the roids, at least she's not chucking me out or being nasty to me. I just hope she does not feel really stressed as a result of it. She did/does not look stressed and said that both secrets she was already aware of just she had no confirmation. I went on to say i had brought it on myself to inject myself even though I hated needles and that my Doctor was aware of what i was doing and had taken some tests, this re-assuring her i was taking this whole thing seriously and being sensible about it. I also mentioned why i lock-out my computer and hide what i'm reading and writing on my computer as she walked past, explaining about this site and the fact that i use it not only to report Body building details, but also details about what im feeling, since i said i find it easier to talk about my feelings with complete strangers than to people i know like my family. She stood there smiling and that she completely understood that and confessed that she had started seeing a concellor again due to her many issues in her life particalluy the way in which the recent death of her mother has affected her. So there you go guys, its all out in the open now! I have confessed im confused on my sexuality and confessed im roiding to her, and she's confessed some things to me too. As a result, I feel like a HUGE load has been lifted off my shoulders mentally, as well as bringing us EVEN closer since we both know more secrets about her. I said you're going to love the holiday and she also said, "well, for me, it's the end of a chapter, my life is no longer on hold, and it scares me" I said "Well, you don't need to have your life on hold anymore, hell you've done enough already, it should be all about you now!" Anyway, the conversation went on a bit longer before my bro came through the door. Infact, he's actually finally brought a house, so he'll be moving out after christmas. As for me, well, my contract finishes March next year, after that, who knows... Might move and work in London, might work abroad in the USA or Canada... we'll just have to see...

Thanks for reading! Phew, what an adventure im having!

Take care all!

Marc

[arpeejay]

Babe, there's a simple test for this:

Go to a news shop that has lots of skin magazines, guys and girls. Take a look at (muscle) guys and at the girls. How does Young Mr. Marco respond?

I know that sounds incredibly simplistic but most men (NOT all) are very visually oriented. If your rod doesn't get hard (or at least think about getting hard) looking at men, you're probably not gay. If you don't get a chubby looking at women, you're probably not straight. If it goes "hubba hubba" over both, then you're another bi guy and you'll break hearts right and left (sorry, I just had to slip in a little faux biphobia, there!)

If NOTHING happens, it means you're one of the very rare men for whom visual stimulation is not the big thing.

Now about muscle making you confused:

I used to think the same thing. I knew that muscle was a big turn on, but I didn't know whether it meant that it was gay, or whether it meant that I couldn't have a relationship with a woman. What I figured out eventually was that even though I was emotionally attracted to women I wasn't physically attracted to them. And even though my fantasies about muscle were about ME, the fact is that what I really wanted, physically, was someone like me -- someone with a dick and balls and fur in the right places and an adam's apple and no boobs.

It could be that you're a straight guy who gets turned on by being big and built and being domineering with a woman. But if girls themselves don't get your motor running it probably means you're something other than straight.

Hope this helps.

xoxo

Richard

(and, yes, I fully expect 20 follow ups saying, "hey, wait a minute...!")

[optimusx]

Mother's are amazing... they have this keen 6th sense about them. I guess that comes from observing one as they grow up. They're there when you're sick and when you're well.. for your triumphs and failures. In the end, a mother probably knows her child better than even the child knows themself. - That or they developed a mother only network that has cameras and reporters everywhere to spy on their kid's every move. Then again, you were going to gay clubs and hanging with gay BBers. Sooner or later that kinda news will spread (or at least it would in South Georgia!...hehe )

Now, prepare to be amazed at how much your workouts improved now that you've removed a stress element in your life... you'll be surprised.

All the best!

Scott

[Corwin]

e-hugs and remember my thoughts are with you and your mum

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by arpeejay

the fact is that what I really wanted, physically, was someone like me -- someone with ... no boobs.

Richard, they're called pecs -- big, firm, hard chest muscles.

But I'm sure you're a prettier Auntie Mame that I am

[hulkmuscle]

Talk about a breakthrough! It's usually always that way, Marc. People get in their heads that revelations or situations will be much worse than they are, and they'd rather live in fear than simply face the situation an an adult with courage. I have to admit I was the same way: this is actually one of the stories I had published last year in Queer Stories for Boys (available online at Amazon...plug, plug).

Since my sister's gay I felt the added pressure of not being so, even though my mom and dad actually encouraged me to be who I was. I mean, they bought me Barbie dolls, they took me to the theatre when I asked, they never batted an eye when I wore Mom's frilly pink apron around the house (I'd pretend I was Fifi the French parlormaid), or God-forbid, when I'd dance around the house singing the score to "My Fair Lady."

Yet, I felt I couldn't tell them what I was because somehow I'd disappoint them. I was the golden child, the perfect little boy who was the top of his class, was articulate and talented, and whom everyone thought was going to be an important attorney or CPA or some such nonsense.

I'd always eroticized bodybuilding since I was a kid, even though I didn't know much if anything about sex. It wasn't until I was about 15 that I started putting two and two together. But then I felt I had to keep it under wraps, so all my muscle magazines went under my bed. All the drawings I did of boys with big arms hugging each other went under my sweaters in the drawer.

I didn't come out until I was 20...basically I fell for my college roommate who was the perfect All American wet dream of a boy. And now that I was out...what do I do about it? Absolutely nothing. Try to pretend it doesn't matter. Live in fear. Hide it. Deny it.

One day, like 4-5 years later, driving in the car (I think I might have posted this earlier actually), my Dad who was a big, strapping, intimidating Greek who looked like he could rip your head off said to me very quietly, "Greg, I know what's going on. I don't like it, but you're my son and I want you to be happy." He was afraid of me getting hurt since I was always his "little mouse" as he used to call me. He always looked out for me. He was the alpha-male, the great protector, always putting everyone else before himself. Basically, everything I wanted to be and never could live up to. After he told me that, I kicked myself for not having trusted him to tell him years before.

As for Mom, for a year or so before this and for a couple years after, every once in a while she'd have a sudden attack of "Greg!?! You're not....? You're not...!?! Oh God, TWO! How could I end up with two?!?" Full Susan Hayward mode.

Then, again in the car (must be some kind of subtle metaphor there) driving to IKEA to look at furniture, I fessed up. She gave me the silent treatment for about a minute before starting to talk about furniture. So, again, it was a non-issue that troubled me for years for no good reason because I chose to be a spineless jellyfish.

Enjoy the load off your shoulders, Marc. Replace that with the 264 lb delt press all your fans are anticipating. You can talk to me anytime again, bro.

Peace,
Greg

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

... or God-forbid, when I'd dance around the house singing the score to "My Fair Lady."

and we wonder how our parents know we are gay, though I doubt that Marc is old enough to appreciate this particular musical. Perhaps singing the score to Mamma Mia is more his age bracket

[Mdlftr]

[QUOTE=hulkmuscle...when I'd dance around the house singing the score to "My Fair Lady."

....Hey, I liked that Show!

Then, again in the car (must be some kind of subtle metaphor there) ....



Hulkmuscle,
I agree that the whole car environment must lend itself to confidences/advice to/from parents.

My Dad's sole advice to me about "s*X" [ ] came at a stoplight in the car one time when I was a teenager. At the light, he pauses, takes his eyes from the red stoplight, turns to me and says, "Make sure you're protected. That's all I'm gonna say." Light changes, he drives on.

Parents DO have ESP, though.

Good luck Marco! The weight of the "secret" [whatever it is] is often worse than the actual event. Don't be in a big hurry to label yourself any one way. As you say, and we keep telling you, you're young yet.....


Mdlftr

[Marco_ukmus]

Wow! What a supportive response!

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Originally Posted by Arpeejay

...even though I was emotionally attracted to women I wasn't physically attracted to them.

Snap! yeah, I feel exactly the same way there.

Originally Posted by Arpeejay

Go to a news shop that has lots of skin magazines, guys and girls. Take a look at (muscle) guys and at the girls. How does Young Mr. Marco respond? ...

It could be that you're a straight guy who gets turned on by being big and built and being domineering with a woman. But if girls themselves don't get your motor running it probably means you're something other than straight.

Well, yep, i definetly get turned on by having more muscle than the average joe (proportinately) and the idea of being domineering, regardless of whether it would be to a man or a woman is a turn on for me. But, girls in general don't appear to get the same reaction in me that muscle guys do. And its not guys in general, just muscle guys, so its a physical thing like you say. What this makes me... who knows... That, i'm still trying to figure out.

Originally Posted by Arpeejay

(and, yes, I fully expect 20 follow ups saying, "hey, wait a minute...!")

Not at all mate. Your post has really struck a cord with me since those are the type of questions i ask myself sometimes... But even once you've answered them, i'm still confused about the end result. But, i'm still figuring it out.

Originally Posted by optimusx

Mother's are amazing... they have this keen 6th sense about them. I guess that comes from observing one as they grow up.

Yep, I think your right. She said it was just little things she had noticed over the years. I did try to ask what they were, but she could not define them. I did re-assure her that I don't think it had anything to do with what happened with my father or my up bringing (not having a father around much), she said that she thought it was there well before any of that, right back to when i was like really young, only years after being born.

Originally Posted by optimusx

That or they developed a mother only network that has cameras and reporters everywhere to spy on their kid's every move.

LoL! So thats why i always saw a black parked outside on the road whereever i went... for years i was trying to figure that out... lol Well one never knows... hehe

Originally Posted by optimusx

Then again, you were going to gay clubs and hanging with gay BBers. Sooner or later that kinda news will spread (or at least it would in South Georgia!...hehe )

Well with me, having these two lives, the home/work life, and the party life seperated miles away in london meant that I don't think she would ever have found out, well, by that route anyway. No body knows me in london. They see a different side of me to those that know me in my home town. You know how it is, one acts differently around different crowds of people and different social groups. So, my mother's suspisions were purely down to mothers intuition, or 6th sense as you put it. Of course, she would never actually have confirmation unless she asked me out-right. Today she decided to do it, and since im like really open with her, and close to her, i decided to tell her like it is.

Originally Posted by optimusx

Now, prepare to be amazed at how much your workouts improved now that you've removed a stress element in your life... you'll be surprised.

Man! I'm feeling like a enormious load has been lifted off me already, but of course, it will be interesting seeing how things move along in the next few weeks.

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

Talk about a breakthrough! It's usually always that way, Marc. People get in their heads that revelations or situations will be much worse than they are

Yeah, i was thinking the worst i guess, you knoe, the usual complete dis-ownership, or completely ignoring me like as what happened with you and many many others. But yet, she did not ignore me and kept talking directly about it with me, being open minded and positive. Like i say, i'm nothing short of amazed by her reaction! The thing is, whats the point in saying something to your parents, or, in my case, parent, if you don't actually know where you stand, as in, if you are indeed really gay. Once i sorted it out in my head, I would have then eventually said something, but im still in that confused state now, so thought i'd keep it all quiet, ah well!

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

Yet, I felt I couldn't tell them what I was because somehow I'd disappoint them.I was the golden child, the perfect little boy who was the top of his class, was articulate and talented, and whom everyone thought was going to be an important attorney or CPA or some such nonsense.

Snap! Another reason NOT to talk about it with them. And also snap on the perfect child thing. I was the kind that was the perfect good boy, also talented, and gifted and they always thought i'd really make something of myself (guess i'm still working towards that).

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

I'd always eroticized bodybuilding since I was a kid, even though I didn't know much if anything about sex. It wasn't until I was about 15 that I started putting two and two together. But then I felt I had to keep it under wraps, so all my muscle magazines went under my bed. All the drawings I did of boys with big arms hugging each other went under my sweaters in the drawer.

Snap! Yep, I hide all my printouts of muscled guys... hell, i even encypt all the drawings in a virtual encryption drive just incase someone happens to use my computer on the network and thus gets the wrong impression about me. Hell, most the drawing and pics are for inspiration, but my family would not understand it, and would only reach the conclusion of me being gay, so, like you did, i hide them.

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

everything I wanted to be and never could live up to

Don't put yourself down or sell yourself short. Hell, your no mouse now! just look at you. And you are now the protector, the alpha male, the guy putting everyone before yourself, like your mother for instance, so you have lived up to his expectations i'm sure.

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

sudden attack of "Greg!?! You're not....? You're not...!?! Oh God, TWO! How could I end up with two?!?"

Yeah, thank GOD i did not have any attacks from her like that. That would have been so stressfull and heart breaking.

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

Enjoy the load off your shoulders, Marc. Replace that with the 264 lb delt press all your fans are anticipating. You can talk to me anytime again, bro.

Thanks Greg! I really Appreciate it! And i'll replace it with more than 264lbs !!! ;0)

Originally Posted by Corwin

and we wonder how our parents know we are gay, though I doubt that Marc is old enough to appreciate this particular musical. Perhaps singing the score to Mamma Mia is more his age bracket

Hehe, Mamma Mia might be more my age bracket, but no, i'd say i was more likely to have been/did sing songs from Oliver or Oklahoma, hehe

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

Then, again in the car (must be some kind of subtle metaphor there)

Humm the car does appear to be a place for confessions and awkward conversation, guess its because you are usually on the move and its like a cage and you can't hide, kinda forces those that take part to ingage even if the awkward topic is ignored, at least you know its been heard.

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

My Dad's sole advice to me about "s*X" [ ] came at a stoplight in the car one time when I was a teenager.

Jesus! Sounds like a scene from american Pie!

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

Don't be in a big hurry to label yourself any one way. As you say, and we keep telling you, you're young yet

Yeah i know mate. I am just kinda going to let whatever happen and if i don't like something, then i'm a step closer to solving who i am with regard to where i stand. But, like you say, who gives a toss where any of us stand on the straight v gay line, we should i'll just have fun and not worry about the labels.

End of Post

Wow! what a day! and for that matter, what a week with people suspecting things, the doctor finding out about me roiding and the finale being today with my mother asking direct questions and now me no longer having to lie to her about me being confused, having a non-existent girlfriend in London and roiding. Now i will just have to see how things go from here in the next few days and weeks.Anyway, Thanks to you all for your posts and support on this matter, and for that matter, your continued support generally. I hope to deliver a bigger me in the coming months and years, and hope i live up to your expectations. One things for sure, i WILL get there!

Keep growing everyone and working hard on your own bodies!

Take care!

Marc

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Well, yep, i definetly get turned on by having more muscle than the average joe (proportinately) and the idea of being domineering, regardless of whether it would be to a man or a woman is a turn on for me. But, girls in general don't appear to get the same reaction in me that muscle guys do. And its not guys in general, just muscle guys, so its a physical thing like you say. What this makes me... who knows... That, i'm still trying to figure out.

You already know my point of view on this... take some time to figure it out for yourself. You know that you have lots of support around here. Don't worry about labels or what other people think. Just like your Mum, people will like you for who you are.

[glammaman2000]

...that there are gay bodybuilders on this site that ALSO disapprove of your steroid use.She's not watching out for you all by herself.&she's GOT to take this trip!She's got a BIG mind,a BIG heart;&it's a BIG world out there&she should see more of it!You're both very lucky,in some ways.g.

[DonnieJvilleNC]

Marc,
Congrats on getting all of that out in the open. Now you must feel like Atlas with the Earth off his shoulders.

I still remember telling my parents I was gay (07/06/93). It is a great story I won't blather about here cuz it's just SO long and I'm such a storyteller (besides, this is your thread, our burgeoning muscle stud). Just imagine my trepidation...telling my father, a retired MGySgt in the United States Marine Corps and my mother (Miss Melodrama). I was SO worried he was going to beat the shit out of me (it wasn't something out of his character). I almost passed out when he said, "You're still my son and I love and support you no matter what". Mom practically burst out crying......but she's now my second biggest "fag hag" (after my eldest sister).

Now you're truly free to grow....personally, and physically!

[CanadianGordon]

Awesome news man! Looking forward to more reports...
And those pictures...

I'm still waiting for my mom to come out and say it...

The rest of my family, is sooooo clueless it's funny...
They keep asking when I'm gonna get a girl..

Oddly enough my 13 yr old nephew figured it out first. go fig...

[Marco_ukmus]

I got up early this morning (saturday 17th) since I could not sleep. I usually get up semi-early anyway to go shopping with my mum at Tesco's but she went out shopping to Mark's & Spencers yesturday anyway, thus i thought i'd check this site out.

My mind was thinking about all sorts of weird dream scenarios last night. About the roids, about various gay scenes... I guess my mind has a lot to sort out right now. Usually I sleep like a log...

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Originally Posted by Corwin

You already know my point of view on this... take some time to figure it out for yourself.

Yeah, I do. However, it's weird, I feel as if i have to hurry to find out, hell, i'm 24 for gods sack. Most people i'm sure worked this all out well before they were 24. I mean, i know I have had extenuating circumstances having had my teens kinda fucked up, but even so, I still feel as though there is a sense of urgentcy to it. Having said that, half of me feels as though, who frankly gives a toss. I should just party party party as i orginally said and just be open minded as before and just continue discovering. Like i said before, if i have any bad experiences, then thats actually a good thing because it will mean i've discovered something i DON'T like, and hence will be one step closer to working this whole thing out.

Originally Posted by Glammaman

...that there are gay bodybuilders on this site that ALSO disapprove of your steroid use.She's not watching out for you all by herself.&she's GOT to take this trip!She's got a BIG mind,a BIG heart;&it's a BIG world out there&she should see more of it!You're both very lucky,in some ways.g.

Yeah, yesturday I told her about this site. And said I kinda have a mini fan site, well, thread anyway on a site. She said, "was it a gay site?", I said "no, although a lot, arguably, the majority so happen to be of the gay origin". I said "I report mainly on the body building process but now use it as a diary too". I did not tell her that a hell of a lot of you on hear dis-approve of my steroid use, since at the time we were just talking about me being confused. The second issue/secret of me using roids, came later. However, I willl indeed tell her that a lot of you have voiced that you too dis-approve of it, and thus, like you say, she is not alone in her thoughts regarding this issue. I did of course state that a lot of you on here were indeed body builders yourself, of which, she was not surprised. Anyway, I am worried about what she's thinking right now, hell, finding out that your son is confused sexually and that hes taking roids all in the space of an hour or so must be hard to swallow. So her taking it really easily, worries me since, she might be hiding her true feelings, but I do think, being that i am so close to her and that i do usually tell her the complete truth, that she has acepted it well. Hell, she said she bascially already knew and was not surprised on either discovery.

I agree, she SOOOO has to go on this trip. It's the ending to a 51 year chapter, one with huge ups and down. Now with my brother and his girlfriend having brought a house (thank fucking god! - Sharing a bathroom with like 4 people pisses me off!), my mother no longer having stress of comitments to her mum since she has now passed away, and with me I guess about to move on to other things, she no longer has to worry about any of us, and hence its her time to do what she likes. Personaly, I recon she should find a companion to be with. She has been scared up to now and even now because of the toruma with my father, but even though it would be like a huge thing for her to over-come, I know she needs one, since when we all go our own ways (next year), she wont really see us that often any more. I mean, obviously my bro and i will pop back now and then, but, you know what i mean. Thus, like she said, it's a scary time for her right now, the end of an era. The holiday, is not only a gift from me to her to say thankyou for everything, but also a way of celebrating, I guess, freedom on her part!

Originally Posted by DonnieJvilleNC

I was SO worried he was going to beat the shit out of me (it wasn't something out of his character). I almost passed out when he said, "You're still my son and I love and support you no matter what".

Yep, it's like Mdlftr said, often we imagine that when we finally tell our nearest and dearest big secrets, that they are going to go mad, be dis-appointed, hate us, throw a huge paddy, or something else along those lines. And indeed, sometimes, i guess thats how it does end up turning out. But listening to your stories guys, regardless if summarized, it would appear that most of them turned out well, that our parents indeed surprised us with comments like "I still love you, your still my son". In many ways, thats how it should be in my mind since it our choice what we do, not theirs, but obviously, sometimes finding out that their expectations of us have been changed can be hard to swallow for them.

Originally Posted by DonnieJvilleNC

...but she's now my second biggest "fag hag" (after my eldest sister).

Lol! Yeah, I am starting to learn the gay lingo, however, this does not mean i have chosen i direction yet...

Originally Posted by CanadianGordon

...
Awesome news man! Looking forward to more reports...
And those pictures...

Thanks mate! Yep, this thread will continue on its reporting of the roller coaster ride. I already have been invited to a few more events in london, so there will be more to report in the coming weeks. Then of course, Louroz (Canadian guy) is coming over, so i have to show him a good time Then theres the injecting of Sustanon250 which i'm getting a supply of on Sunday for the next 5 weeks and will start injecting next Wednesday, then theres the changing of the exercise program, diet oh and i can't forget the September 24th update, so yep, lots of info and interesting news to read coming up!

Originally Posted by CanadianGordon

...
I'm still waiting for my mom to come out and say it...

The rest of my family, is sooooo clueless it's funny...
They keep asking when I'm gonna get a girl..

Oddly enough my 13 yr old nephew figured it out first. go fig...

Yeah, in some cases, and i'm not suggesting its like this in your family, but in some cases families are so pre-occupied with their own lives and way of life, that they don't pick p on the subtle, but telling hints that i guess we all give out whether we like it or not. And those that are not, arguably your nephew, do see these things... It's just a thought.

End of Post
Thanks for all your input and comments guys. Its really interesting to me, i have noticed when i do give you a snap shot of some major thing in my life, what i see is that you guys have had simular experiences, like witht eh situation with my dad, and now with me coming out as being confused sexually. It's amazingly helpful. To me reporting this info and getting feedback from you guys, is like a free concelling session for me, whilst at the same time, providing all of you, including the many lurkers here, with free training info, supplementation info, and mcuh more.

Thanks to all of you for helping me! Now, I wonder what will happen today...

Marc

[Marco_ukmus]

Unseen footage...
I was looking through the photos on my brothers camara today and came across some photos from the holiday i had ages ago in Devon (Reported ages back). Anyway, I was kinda surprised out how good some of the pics were of me and thought i'd post a few here since i know your dieing for some pics. Of course, these were taken literally months ago so it does not obviously reflect my current size, but still, at least its something. Here they are...

Me pulling one of my many studpid faces...

Over here... Where... - My bloody bro just kept taking pics... Having said that, it's interesting looking at ones self from different angles, angles that we would not normally see.

My Mother, brothers girlfriend, and me. My legs actually look really big in this pic.

And finally...

Whoa, I guess i do strutt lol. This is my brothers girlfriend and me walking up from the beach. - Sorry for the bad quality, my brother is practically hopeless when it comes to taking pics or any thing practical. I think i inherited the pragmatic gene.

Marc
P.S. Mother is still happy with the situation...

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Yeah, I do. However, it's weird, I feel as if i have to hurry to find out, hell, i'm 24 for gods sack. Most people i'm sure worked this all out well before they were 24. I mean, i know I have had extenuating circumstances having had my teens kinda fucked up, but even so, I still feel as though there is a sense of urgentcy to it. Having said that, half of me feels as though, who frankly gives a toss. I should just party party party as i orginally said and just be open minded as before and just continue discovering. Like i said before, if i have any bad experiences, then thats actually a good thing because it will mean i've discovered something i DON'T like, and hence will be one step closer to working this whole thing out.

Not to disagree with Donnie, but sometimes hearing other people's coming out stories can help people understand that what they are going through other's have gone through too.

I came out when I was 27. Did I know? Well, ya, I knew, but I didn't want to know. Like you, I had all these dreams of a wife, 2 cars, 2.5 children and living in the suburbs. Funny thing, though... I didn't want to date women.

At some point I decided I had to get out of my shell. I tried going to a gay bar once and just froze with terror. A few months later I decided I couldn't do this alone and decided to find some friends. Since I couldn't do anything gay, I did something liberal. It was the early 1990s, and Pittsburgh had a very active Operation Rescue. Two of Pittsburgh's abortion clinics are in my neighborhood, so I became a pro-choice escort (and I have lots of stories about this, probably very similar to BACOAR's link above).

One day, I was volunteering in our local pro-choice office, and the women on the phone had this conversation. "Ya, Scott is here volunteering. ... Ya, he's very cute. ... I don't know, I'll ask him." turns to me "Are you gay?"

I froze.

"No, I'm not gay." I wasn't ready yet.

I started dating a woman who was also involved in the movement, all the while learning about sexuality. Sex was OK, but it didn't feel right. We dated for about six months, then broke up. Three months later, I came out. My ex's and my joke was that she turned me gay by sleeping with me.

I got a boyfriend (also involved in the movement) and did this whole lookee what I found thing. Like lots of guys coming out, I became super-slut (rather than just a normal slut like I am now ).

Marc, as you explore your sexuality and figure out who you are -- gay, straight, bi, whatever -- your experiences aren't all that different from what others of us have gone through.

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Yeah, yesturday I told her about this site. And said I kinda have a mini fan site, well, thread anyway on a site. She said, "was it a gay site?",

your mother is so smart

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Anyway, I am worried about what she's thinking right now, hell, finding out that your son is confused sexually and that hes taking roids all in the space of an hour or so must be hard to swallow.

www.fflag.org.uk (this is the UK's PFLAG for us colonialists)

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Lol! Yeah, I am starting to learn the gay lingo, however, this does not mean i have chosen i direction yet...

I thought you liked the Auntie Mame quote site IMed you?

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Thanks mate! Yep, this thread will continue on its reporting of the roller coaster ride. I already have been invited to a few more events in london, so there will be more to report in the coming weeks. Then of course, Louroz (Canadian guy) is coming over, so i have to show him a good time

You're lucky to have these friends...

Take care,

[garrix]

Just to give one more opinion (from a super individualistic point of view):

Dont worry if you're "confused". Dont feel pressured to define yourself just because others define themselves as gay or straight. Dont mind catagories, everyone is different and if you dont fit into one, dont worry about it. you should not be bullied by social norms or standards. You are an individual, and if you are striaght with a muscle fetish (or not), or gay with a muscle fetish, doesnt matter. So being confused, being unable to define your sexuality, its ok too. Just live life as you like, and if you fall in love with a man or a woman, follow your instincts, dont worry about what others want to pin you down as. Remember, the world isnt black and white, and dont convince yourself that you're either straight or gay, if it isnt the case.

my 2 cents.

[Marco_ukmus]

Post Responses

Originally Posted by Corwin

Ya, he's very cute. ... I don't know, I'll ask him." turns to me "Are you gay?", I froze. "No, I'm not gay." I wasn't ready yet...

Marc, as you explore your sexuality and figure out who you are -- gay, straight, bi, whatever -- your experiences aren't all that different from what others of us have gone through.

Yeah, i'm seeing that now, that others have had VERY simular stories. So, even you had your denial stage then

Thankfully, I have not had any "Are you gay?" questions from anyone else. Guess i'm just too straight acting. Mind you, the gay guy at work, which i have mentioned a few times, well, he keeps coming into our office more and more often now. And we were having this argument/debate about clubs and what not, and my boss was like, i can't believe a lot of straight guys are so arrogant as to think that if he walked into a gay club, all the men would jump on him. I hope my boss was not referring to me... Anyway, the gay bloke, Mark 24, said well, Mark is very cute though. At which point i said, "Thanks Mark, you can stop there...", hehe. This debate all kicked off because i confessed about going to a mixed club in london. Of which Mark and the rest of my team thinks is really interesting since they know me as straight and are curious about my london mates and me going to some of these clubs. Anyway, I have phrased it in such a way that i remain straight (I am very careful with my words). Anyway, the point is, i recon the gay Mark perhaps has his gaydar going and perhaps thinks/suspects i might be gay. I just don't know. He did tell me he fancied me. Ah well, we'll have to see what he says int he coming weeks etc. One of the girls in the office he works in said it was because of my muscles lol. How shallow is he

Originally Posted by Corwin

your mother is so smart

Do i detect an ounce of sarcasium. lol

Originally Posted by Corwin

www.fflag.org.uk (this is the UK's PFLAG for us colonialists)
I thought you liked the Auntie Mame quote site IMed you?
You're lucky to have these friends...

Thanks for the Link and your advice. Yes, i did like the Auntie Mame quote . Yeah, I think i'll get Louroz to report his experiences that week when we meet so that you guys get a different perspective from the clubbing scenes and anything else that goes on, rather than just coming from me. Should make for an interesting read.

Originally Posted by garrix

Dont worry if you're "confused". Dont feel pressured to define yourself just because others define themselves as gay or straight. Dont mind catagories, everyone is different and if you dont fit into one, dont worry about it. you should not be bullied by social norms or standards. You are an individual, and if you are striaght with a muscle fetish (or not), or gay with a muscle fetish, doesnt matter. So being confused, being unable to define your sexuality, its ok too. Just live life as you like, and if you fall in love with a man or a woman, follow your instincts, dont worry about what others want to pin you down as. Remember, the world isnt black and white, and dont convince yourself that you're either straight or gay, if it isnt the case.

I completely agree with you. I know thats what Scott (Corwin) has also stated. Like all of you say, i'm just going carry on my merry way, what happens, happens.

Thanks both of you for your input.

End of Post
Ok today I gotta go collect the sustanon 250 (testosterone) and a new supply of Deca Durabolin, and check out one of my mates whom has been on HGH for awhile. He says he's looking different, I BET he is!

Marc

[jco2007]

... hell, i even encypt all the drawings in a virtual encryption drive just incase someone happens to use my computer on the network and thus gets the wrong impression about me

Marco, that is a good lesson for all of us. Not to rush to incomplete conclusions on what someone is like. People are complex and ever-evolving beings. Despite having read pages of your log, I can say I don't know you I know aspects about you, but that doesn't make a complete picture. Those people who seek to build an inaccurate picture about you, are only doing themselves a dis-service.

As long as you are happy in being yourself, that is what counts. Those who love you, will continue to do so no matter what (take the case of your Mother) as you know.

Not that my opinion counts, but from what I've read, I respect you a great deal, to think we've never met, interesting !!! What an impact you're having.

Keep growing in all aspects of your life.

[Marco_ukmus]

Originally Posted by jco2007

As long as you are happy in being yourself, that is what counts. Those who love you, will continue to do so no matter what (take the case of your Mother) as you know.

Yeah, im happy right now just doodleing along, going to parties, working out hard and meeting muscle guys. Where this will lead, who knows... and like you say, in many ways, who cares as long as im ahppy and enjoying it, which i most certainly am at the moment.

Originally Posted by jco2007

Not that my opinion counts, but from what I've read, I respect you a great deal, to think we've never met, interesting !!! What an impact you're having.

Keep growing in all aspects of your life.

Man, thankyou jco! Of course your opinion counts. I listen to everyones point of view, thats one thing you should have all learnt about me. Well, one day mate, we might meet! Yeah, i'm glad im affecting and touching lots of people. Kinda spurs me on to make this thread even more interesting.

Yep, keep growing as well mate! and thanks for posting!

Marc

[glammaman2000]

....it's only shades of gay.

[hulkmuscle]

Originally Posted by glammaman2000

....it's only shades of gay.

I'm gonna have to add that one to my repertoire...

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by hulkmuscle

I'm gonna have to add that one to my repertoire...

Given Marc's comments about straight acting, I'm not sure he's ready for gay humor just yet. Showtunes, yes -- Harvey Firestein, no.

Marc, as for gay Mark at work, I think something happened to the text above and what he said.

Scott, my problem is that I'm young and beatiful...

[Marco_ukmus]

Good Morning People!

Post Responses

Originally Posted by glammaman2000

"The world isn't black&white,".... it's only shades of gay.

Yeah I know. Think thats been stated quite a few times. Thanks anyway.

Originally Posted by Corwin

Given Marc's comments about straight acting, I'm not sure he's ready for gay humor just yet. Showtunes, yes -- Harvey Firestein, no.

Lol! Nah, I don't think I would understand gay humor just yet

Originally Posted by Cowin

Marc, as for gay Mark at work, I think something happened to the text above and what he said.

Why, did it not make sense?

Melodramatic Mothers!
My mother I recon must be the most melodramatic woman in the entire world. This morning in the car, she said to me, "I want you to write your will and sort out your funeral arrangements". I was like, "why, what because of the holiday", she said "No, becuase of the steroids". I was like "Look, nothing is going to happen to me, i've researched it and I know what im doing. You know im intelligent". Having said that, she said she thought i was stupid because i was using them. She said that she's going to research about them and try to stop me form using them. She said she can't understand why i can't do my body building naturally. I said I'd tell her anything she wanted to know, she only had to ask. She said that i would use all the logic and reasoning in the world to justify their use, which of course, i would. Although i did tell her that what im doing is really mild and that i am being exceptionally careful. I said if i thought i was in severe danager, i'd stop. I did say if you wanted to stop me you could always search my room and find the stuff, but i said it would make no difference because i can always get more. Yeah, i know that was a bit hash of me to say, but I thought she was handling it ok. She said she would not do it that way anyway, she would try to reason with me. She said that what has sparked this all off was the fear of losing all of her family. As you know, she lost her mum about 4 ish weeks ago, and now she's worried she's going to loose her son. I did re-assure her, that nothing is going to happen, and that i'll be fine. After all, the doctor is checking for things now. Anyway, so im a bit taken back by it since, she was fine the other day. Guess the information has now sunk in. I mean, i guess it was a bit of information over load for her. Ah well. I did say, i'm going to continue fo the next 7-9 weeks then stop for two months to give the system a complete rest. She of course is hopeing i won't do any more cycles. Of course, I have other plans...

Coming up...
Ok, this is the week of the phase 5 update. I'll post the update this Saturday 24th, with the usual pics and summerized info from the phase, what i've learnt etc.

After that, I have another clubbing event coming up in about 2 weeks, which, if its anything like the last lot, i'm sure will be even better than the rest. Ok, we have a double whammy, starting at a club called Salvation and moving onto DTPM. Savation is apparently a glamerious event held in a kinda nightclub come restaurant and apparently will be less cruisy. Its also mainly young muscle guys that go, so it should be interesting. How young, or what the average age is, I have no idea yet. DTPM is apparently a mixed club with an awesome sound system and lighting rig. So the entire evening should be very entertaining... they usually are

Anyway, take care people! And thanks for reading!

Marc

[Marco_ukmus]

Today's Workout :: First day of Sustanon 250

I've literally got back in the office having been to the gym and working out. Yesturday, when i got back from London having picked up new supplies, I decided to have my first Sustanon injection. Sustanon 250, at least in the form i have it, comes in ampules, which, for those of you that don't know, is little glass sealed vials with a weak point where the user can snap the glass to open the vial. Obviously one has to be careful not to cut oneself on the glass. Anyway, sustanon as you'll see form the link above, is made up of four testosterone compounds. Namely; testosterone propionate, 30 mg; testosterone phenylpropionate, 60 mg; testosterone isocaproate, 60mg; and testosterone decanoate, 100 mg, giving you 250mg/ml. And theres 1ml in each ampule.
Anyway, Todays workout was chest and biceps. And Although i did manage 4 reps assisted with 100kg (220lbs) on the bench press, things went down hill after that, since i was having to use slightly lighter weights in order to complete the sets. Even the dips were tough enough using my body weight alone. I guess after weeks and weeks of good workouts, progressively getting more and more intense, today i was just having an off day. I was kinda disapointed since it was the first day of the test, but I think, although some components of the sus are active straight away, I recon it does take some weeks to become fully active. I also recon thats its started to have an effect on my natural test and hence the lack of power today. However, this should be short lived and should pick up and make me over take the weights i have been using shortly.

My trainer was kinda surprised since i have been doing so well after the last few weeks, but he said, "stay positive, your just having an off day, we all have them.". And indeed, hes right. The Sus has already started to take effect its just going to take awhile to saturate, but when it does, things should really pick up like never before. Well, I hope anyway.

Anyway, on a positive note, my trainer, Mr J, said "I don't care what anyone says, your arms have definetly got bigger". Hehe, I know the sneak peak pic of the back double bi does not do me justice with regard to the arms, since i was concentrating on flexing the back. So you'll see them in all there glory at the end of this week along with the rest of the shots and flexes. But anyhow, my trainer never complements unless he means it, hes that type of guy, so I was very happy he said. Having measured my arms I know they have indeed grown. Ah well, hopefully the strength will have improved a little by tomorrow... we'll see.

Marc

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Melodramatic Mothers!
My mother I recon must be the most melodramatic woman in the entire world. This morning in the car, she said to me, "I want you to write your will and sort out your funeral arrangements". I was like, "why, what because of the holiday", she said "No, becuase of the steroids".

www.fflag.org.uk

yet another part of my coming out story.

My mother is different than yours, but in some ways the same. Mine did not want to hear that I was gay/confused/other. When I first told her (on April Fools day, but that's a different aspect of the story), I told her that I was confused and thought I was bisexual. Several days later, I got a call asking me if I had told her that I thought I might be gay. I told her again.

Her immediate reaction was to start mourning. She talked about the people who had died that she loved -- her sister, my father, her mother. In my case, it wasn't steroids but AIDS that she worried about.

In the US, we have PFLAG (not FFLAG). It took me three years to get my mother to go to PFLAG. The stories that parents tell are often similar. Coming out, even if you're just confused/questionning, is often treated like a death. Just as you have worried about your own expectations of your life -- having children, a stable family, etc -- your mum has those same expectations for you. If, after your exploration of your sexuality, you realize that your attraction to men dominates any attraction to women, I think you'll realize that you can have children, a family, etc. But just as you need to take that journey, your mum is also on a journey. It is one you can help her with, but it is also one that I would strongly encourage her, if she is willing, to talk to other parents who are/were in similar situations.

While I might be playing an armchair shrink here, I don't think the steroids and your questioning of your sexuality are unrelated. My personal opinion is that they are both ways for you to grow into the man you will eventually become. I see both as part of your journey.

Your mum has been hit with both aspects at once. While she may seem cool, I'm sure her mind is abuzz. Although you are still walking your own path, her fears are several paces ahead of you. It could be very helpful for her, and perhaps both or you, to look into FFLAG.

Take care,

[UKBeefy]

Mark,

Without wishing to be morbid alongside your mother I would recommend writing a will. So so many people overlook it especially those without dependents. It took me an age to get round to writing mine but was pleased when I did (only about a year ago and I am 10 yrs older than u). If you die intestate money goes to your parents in your case. You may want to give money to other relatives or friends or the local home for elderly bodybuilders to buy HGH !

Seriously you might think you have no assets but over time you will and it gives you an opportunity to think of perhaps charities or people in your life who you'd like to benefit.

[musclebaz]

Marc,
I second what UKBeefy has said. It is a good idea to make a will. It will take a load off your mind for the future.

[Marco_ukmus]

Post Responses

Originally Posted by Corwin

When I first told her (on April Fools day, but that's a different aspect of the story)...

Her immediate reaction was to start mourning. She talked about the people who had died that she loved -- her sister, my father, her mother. In my case, it wasn't steroids but AIDS that she worried about.

Personally, I would no have told her on April fools day. Because, she would not know if its true or if you wre pulling her leg, hence why she asked some days later.

As for the mourning, Yep, yet another melodramatic mother! I think personally, like you say, it has more to do with the shattering of their expectations, realizing that your not going to be that guy whom gets married to a beautiful wife, and have kids of your very own. Obviously one can still have a family but you know what i mean.

Anyway, I think my mother and I are ok at the moment without the need to go to any such group. At the moment, she is way more concerned with sorting out bits for the trip and sorting out other aspects of her mothers will. This really is a difficult time for her, and she really did not need to her what i told her last week, but then, she did bloody ask. Ah well, she'll be fine.

Originally Posted by UKBeefy

Without wishing to be morbid alongside your mother I would recommend writing a will. If you die intestate money goes to your parents in your case. You may want to give money to other relatives or friends ...

Seriously you might think you have no assets but over time you will and it gives you an opportunity to think of perhaps charities or people in your life who you'd like to benefit.

Yeah, I guess your right, I should write my will. Like you say, I don't think i have any assets. I guess everything should just go to my mum and brother, however, I guess i need to write it to stop anything going to my father and to stop the goverment getting too much out of it, so i guess its worth doing.

As for giving things to other friends and relatives, our family is very closed. Basically unlike a lot of families, our's is made of people whom don't really want to know each other and hence i never hear much if anything from other relatives, except for the odd Christmas card, but that hardly counts in my mind. I am envious of any one with a family that actually communicate and want to be a family. Of course, im not talking your immediate family, im talking about it in the wider field.

Originally Posted by UKBeefy

or the local home for elderly bodybuilders to buy HGH !

Humm, thats a nice idea actually! (joking) Mind you given that its so expensive, i'd only be able to fund a few cycles of HGH lol

Originally Posted by musclebaz

I second what UKBeefy has said. It is a good idea to make a will. It will take a load off your mind for the future.

Hey baz. Yeah i recon i will. BTW, thanks for the gift, it was recieved well. I am sending a response in the post Since you took the time to write a letter Thanks again.

Thanks all.

Marc

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Personally, I would no have told her on April fools day. Because, she would not know if its true or if you wre pulling her leg, hence why she asked some days later.

well, this assumes that either of us realized it was April fools day, which we did not.

when I tell this story, I normally add a quip about bad timing.

[Marco_ukmus]

Originally Posted by Corwin

well, this assumes that either of us realized it was April fools day, which we did not.

Indeed

The Strength is Back, plus a bit more :: Today's Workout
Today i worked out Shoulders and back for a change. I was due to do legs but my legs have been feeling really stiff lately and hence i decided not to work them. Anyway, I'm glad to report that the strength was back today. Infact I actually managed to do more chin ups than i have ever done before and used the 30kg (66lbs) dumb bells on the shoulder press. I have to get up to the 32kg's (70.4lbs) as soon as possible, since from a motivational point of view, what with them having an extra pair of plates on each dumbbell, it just looks more impressive... and its only an extra 2kg either side, so i should be up to that within days. So I had quite a good workout today. It ceraintly made up for yesturday. I was somewhat a bit pissed off what with having lost a fair bit of strength, then today its back plus a bit more, so i can only conclude that it was my system switching over to the foreign test. As for the natural test, well, i think the testicles have shrunk a bit, but obviously they'll come back later when off cycle. So the strength should now rocket in the coming weeks, which im sure it will. Ironically, as i was talking to Mr J, my personal trainer between sets, he said, "have you thought about using steroids... and taking the easy route..." I said "yes i have... but from what i hear, its not easier because your muscles heal and repair even faster, thus you have to work them harder to get the most out of them". He agreed and siad that was logical. Mr J has got mates that are on stuff, including HGH as he had told me before, although he said he's NEVER tried any of it, and prefers to train naturally. It was quite funny actually, he said "its ok if you use them sensiably and don't start injecting silly amounts... I mean if you did one cycle that should be ok", I said "well, i don't think anyone just does one cycle". I can't believe he said that though, it was almost like saying it was ok to take them as long as you were sensiable. I never thought i'd hear that from him. He knows that i know some body builders in London that are on stuff. Was really funny, this is like our second conversation on steroids, its almost as if hes perhaps insinuating something... ah well, he has not asked a direct question like my mother did, so im ok for the moment.

Oh, i saw my sports therapist today since my legs were really starting to have weird sharp pains. After she had looked at them she said they are most likely the most tensed up and tight legs i have ever seen. Obviously, I have very muscular legs what with all the squatting and dead lifts and so forth. But, I guess what with all of that for coming up to one year now, they have accumulated a lot of stress. So shes massaged them out a bit but said because they are so increadibly hard and tight that im going to have to come again for at least another two sessions, so i have another one Friday. Removing knots, helping drain lactic acid and generally massaging the muscles, improves blood circulation and brings the muscles back into line improving posture and form/technique in the gym. It also can improve over all tiredness, prevent injury and improve well-being. But the best advantage, apart from having a young fit bird massage you, is the improvement of the blood circulation as this will improve the flow of much needed nutrients reaching the muscles, and hence improving growth. Furthermore, for ?17.50 for 45 mins, its a bargin! Just incase your wondering why its so cheap, well, its because i still have my student card Hell, my gym membership is only ?70 a year! again, having a student card helps Taking of gyms, my personal trainer told me of the location of the hard core gym in my home town. He said it was very roided and is where all the bouncers go for my home town to train. Apprently the moment you walk in the door someone offers you stuff. Anyway, since my personal trainer moves on the end of next week, perhaps its time to start going hard core... we'll see. The advantage of my current gym is its cheap and is like 1 min walk across the road from where i work.

Ok, that concludes todays update.

Thanks,

Marc

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Indeed

[size=4][b] Ironically, as i was talking to Mr J, my personal trainer between sets, he said, "have you thought about using steroids... and taking the easy route..." I said "yes i have... but from what i hear, its not easier because your muscles heal and repair even faster, thus you have to work them harder to get the most out of them". He agreed and siad that was logical. Mr J has got mates that are on stuff, including HGH as he had told me before, although he said he's NEVER tried any of it, and prefers to train naturally. It was quite funny actually, he said "its ok if you use them sensiably and don't start injecting silly amounts... I mean if you did one cycle that should be ok", I said "well, i don't think anyone just does one cycle". I can't believe he said that though, it was almost like saying it was ok to take them as long as you were sensiable. I never thought i'd hear that from him. He knows that i know some body builders in London that are on stuff. Was really funny, this is like our second conversation on steroids, its almost as if hes perhaps insinuating something... ah well, he has not asked a direct question like my mother did, so im ok for the moment.

Marc

Marc,
Without sounding too harsh, your trainer is either a moron or he's kidding you. As a presumably experienced trainer, does he really think your strength and poundage increases are natural?

It's your choice, and your life. Personally I wouldn't want to risk my health by taking all the 'roids and whatever else you're taking at the age of 24, especially if you want to have good quality of life after age 30 and beyond.

More to the point, why do you bother playing games with your trainer about this? You've told everyone else, why not him? If usage in England is NOT illegal, the I can only conclude that you are wary of social opprobation from others. That's a legitimate concern, but, all actions have consequences, and that is one of them. Either you don't discuss it with him, or you do. Since he's out of the picture shortly, I guess it doesn't matter whether or not you are upfront with him on this.
It's none of my business, but it just strikes me that you are getting somewhat of a charge out of your trainer thinking you're "all natural". I can understand wanting someone to respect you, and be "in awe" of your accomplishments, BUT what good is the respect if it's based on a misrepresentation?

I mean, here in the U.S., the newspapers are writing articles about how the pro baseball player Barry Bonds will probably be booed when he comes to town to play baseball, because he is an-all-but-convicted steroid abuser and juicer.

He has constantly presented himself as being a "miracle man" who has suddenly, at age 40, hitting better than he ever has in his entire career. Chances are, he's a fraud. He's a pro athlete, and he makes a lot of money based on the fact that he can hit a lot of home runs.

I respect your hard work. I don't agree with the steroid use, but that is your informed choice. Good luck with the workouts and your health,

Mdlftr

[Marco_ukmus]

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

Marc,
Without sounding too harsh, your trainer is either a moron or he's kidding you. As a presumably experienced trainer, does he really think your strength and poundage increases are natural?

My personal trainer knows his stuff, he's actually the best trainer there is there and has a ton of qualifications and has even worked with up coming musclical artists. I personally think hes actually VERY suspicious about whether im taking something, but since im paying him, he has not said anything. As for him being surprised and encouraging me, well, personal trainers are paid to push you hard and encourage you. Whether or not some one is using roids, its still the muscle of the user pushingand lifting those weights, therefore, its still impressive regardless. However, obviously, it would be that much more impressive if done completely naturally.

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

Personally I wouldn't want to risk my health by taking all the 'roids and whatever else you're taking at the age of 24, especially if you want to have good quality of life after age 30 and beyond.

I personally believe that i'll be ok well beyond 30 and live to an average age, why, because im doing this sensiably and not over dosing, and planning on giving my system plenty of time between cycles. Just for a moment, lets forget im a aspiring body builder, and just think about people who are suffering from muscle wasting diseases taking deca and sustanon 250 to help grow their muscles back and prevent wastage... don't you think that given proper use, that these people would indeed live a good life and most likely live the genetic programmed age. I strongly believe there will be no problems provided i use them sensibly, which i am.

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

More to the point, why do you bother playing games with your trainer about this? You've told everyone else, why not him? If usage in England is NOT illegal, the I can only conclude that you are wary of social opprobation from others. That's a legitimate concern, but, all actions have consequences, and that is one of them. Either you don't discuss it with him, or you do. Since he's out of the picture shortly, I guess it doesn't matter whether or not you are upfront with him on this.

Yep, in my home town, i don't discuss it. Well, my doctor knows, but she needed to know in order to check mty body out. My trainer however does not need to know. If i was at the beginning of my program with him and i was on roids, i would have most likely have told him, but, I have decided not to say anything. He's out of the picture at the end of next week anyway, so i'll be back working alone until i get a workout partner.

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

It's none of my business, but it just strikes me that you are getting somewhat of a charge out of your trainer thinking you're "all natural". I can understand wanting someone to respect you, and be "in awe" of your accomplishments, BUT what good is the respect if it's based on a misrepresentation?

Well, I get a charge out of people in general being impressed with me lifting progressively heavier and heavier weights. I agree that getting complemented on a misconception kinda makes a mockery of the complement, however, you have to remember even though its aided through the use of steroids, its still my muscles lifting those weights, so its still impressive, although, obviously, it would be even more impressive if done 100% naturally.

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

I mean, here in the U.S., the newspapers are writing articles about how the pro baseball player Barry Bonds will probably be booed when he comes to town to play baseball, because he is an-all-but-convicted steroid abuser and juicer.

He has constantly presented himself as being a "miracle man" who has suddenly, at age 40, hitting better than he ever has in his entire career. Chances are, he's a fraud. He's a pro athlete, and he makes a lot of money based on the fact that he can hit a lot of home runs.

i agree thats a really mad thing. But then hes a lot of peoples Idol no doubt, I however am not, and even if i do compete one day, i won't be able to compete naturally, only with the rest of the roided guys in unregulated body building contests. Having said that, i could always wait a year for the stuff to clear from my blood stream. Anyway, im far from that right now, so its of no concern to me. Besides, the world knows im roided anyway.

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

I respect your hard work. I don't agree with the steroid use, but that is your informed choice. Good luck with the workouts and your health,

Yep, its my choice, i can always stop. Thanks for the luck and thanks for posting.

Marc

[UKBeefy]

Mark,

I know u'll probably disagree with me but I wonder whether your total obsession with increasing the weights on almost a daily basis is counter productive for you and leading to symptoms of overtraining and running a serious risk of long term injury.

The way you describe your leg soreness on going to the massage therapist sounds plain odd and not something to be applauded. I have never heard of someone getting that sort of reaction from a sensible heavy weight rountine. Yes you feel tired and pleasantly sore but not so tight and painful as u describe. I wonder if you are actually going way beyond stressing the muscle and actually damaging it/creating long term problems. I have seen some people with long term shoulder/jnee and other injuries and it seriously jeopodises what they can do.

I'd like to see where you get to with this cycle as I think if you are not adding bodyweight then I would suggest you may be overtraining. I was surprised on my recent cycle that although I trained hard I was not going beserk and adding weights perhaps every couple of weeks. I added 20 lbs and have kept 14 or so. Resting and working out sensibly seemed to work.

I agree with Mdlfter that if your trainer does not realise you are on juice then he needs to get out more.

[Marco_ukmus]

Originally Posted by UKBeefy

I know u'll probably disagree with me but I wonder whether your total obsession with increasing the weights on almost a daily basis is counter productive for you and leading to symptoms of overtraining and running a serious risk of long term injury.

No, I don't think so. Obviously I try to push myself harder each time i work out, always trying to lift more and more weight and my trainer is there helping on every exercise so he would'nt allow me to do something that would injure myself.

Originally Posted by UKBeefy

The way you describe your leg soreness on going to the massage therapist sounds plain odd and not something to be applauded. I have never heard of someone getting that sort of reaction from a sensible heavy weight rountine. Yes you feel tired and pleasantly sore but not so tight and painful as u describe. I wonder if you are actually going way beyond stressing the muscle and actually damaging it/creating long term problems.

No, my sports therapist said they will be 100% fine after another two sessions with her. They are already feeling better. She said theres no injury there its just they are very very tight from a years worth of training. She said because of the intensity that im working, one would expect muscle tightness to occur anyway, and thus she wants me to see her every month just to loosen everything up again.

Originally Posted by UKBeefy

I'd like to see where you get to with this cycle as I think if you are not adding bodyweight then I would suggest you may be overtraining. I was surprised on my recent cycle that although I trained hard I was not going beserk and adding weights perhaps every couple of weeks. I added 20 lbs and have kept 14 or so. Resting and working out sensibly seemed to work.

Yeah, you have done really well there. However, being that you were on d'bol, obviously some of that was water retention as you know. Its a shame you did not at least have an impedance weighing scale, because that way you actually be able to see exactly what you gained fat wise and muscle wise. Thats why, when i report my gains on here, i rarely talk about over ll weight, the enfasis is always on the lean weight gain, which is basically what we are all interested in. When a lot of people say they have gained 20lbs, and knowing thats from an over all weight measurement, not a breakdown, one does have to wonder how much muscle they have actually gained. I'm not trying to put down your achievements in any way Brian, its just im interested in monitoring EXACTLY how much muscle I have gained. Anyway, as for me not gaining much weight on the over all weight, well, my overall weight has actually gone down again. I'm at 10.8% body fat right now according to my impedence weighing scales, thus my overall weight is coming down. Whilst at the same time, my lean weight has gone up. I think what i need to get sorted is my diet. YOu guys know i've had diarrhea for the last 2 months+ so, this means my system is not processing the food properly and hence is not extracting the most out of the food. So this has to be sorted ASAP. I've really cut back on the protein shakes now. Im trying NLarge 2 again, just one a day at the moment, and the other meals are all real natural food (nuts, protein filled sandwitches etc), so im hoping that will come under control soon. I think i my also try some of those friendly bacteria yogarts to see if i can improve the digestion system faster.

Originally Posted by UKBeefy

I agree with Mdlfter that if your trainer does not realise you are on juice then he needs to get out more.

Like i say, I suspect he does know, or is at least VERY suspicious. But Since im paying him, i don't think hes going to mention anything, although, he is bringing up more and more conversations about steroids so i think hes hinting that he knows... Who knows and who cares anyway. He pushes me real hard and is one hell of a trainer. He really motivates me, and works me past fatigue , which is what we need to break the muscles down and build them up.

Marc

[massingUP]

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

No, my sports therapist said they will be 100% fine after another two sessions with her. They are already feeling better. She said theres no injury there its just they are very very tight from a years worth of training. She said because of the intensity that im working, one would expect muscle tightness to occur anyway, and thus she wants me to see her every month just to loosen everything up again.

Marc

Hey Marc,

So, I have a question -- do you do much stretching? I know that I tend to stretch less than I should, but it's a great way to prevent what you're talking about here from happening in the first place. And if you stretch AFTER your workout as well as before, then you can help rid the muscles of their lactic acid right away, rather than letting it pool in the muscles to cause problems over the next ay or two -- which means that even a truly punishing workout won't leave your legs so sore that you can't walk the next day.

I only bring this up b/c an ex-dancer friend of mine that I've been training with lately has been on MY case about it -- and given that he punished his legs for a living for 10 years, he knows a thing or two about lactic acid.

Something to think about for the future...

-- J.

[UKBeefy]

Yes agree Mark that I have no idea what I gained in terms of the balance but I don't think 4 weeks after the end that most of it would still be water.

Sounds like the diet does need some sorting - how much fibrous foods are you eating? eg whole oats, pulses, wholegrain type stuff? Alot of people (my granny included) say that adding such stuff to your diet helps the old digestion. Perhaps add a bowl of All bran or something to one of your meals and limit the white bread/whte rice/white pasta stuff.

How much Protein shake were u taking? Perhaps add some bars instead. I've never had probs with the old digestion other than noticing that on a more bodybuilder diet you go to the toilet alot more than normal esp in the morning!

[hulkmuscle]

You can also try anti-diarrheals in moderation, and I think I mentioned elsewhere that digestive enzymes can also be of use.

Likewise, addition of fibrous whole wheats and grains should also help solidify the...ummm...how to put this delicately...problem shall we say.

Keep on truckin'.